


daddy issues

by kylorensgf



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Adult Content, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Humor, Badass Rey, Bloodplay, Childhood Trauma, Choking, Daddy Issues, Daddy Kink, Drug Use, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Explicit Language, F/M, Face Slapping, Face-Fucking, Gun Kink, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Tried, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I'm Going to Hell, Juilliard, Knifeplay, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Mental Health Issues, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Overstimulation, Performing Arts, Possessive Kylo Ren, Praise Kink, Protective Kylo Ren, Protective Rey (Star Wars), Song: Toxic (Britney Spears), Spanking, The Author Regrets Everything, Threats of Violence, Top Kylo Ren, Verbal Humiliation, Violence, Why Did I Write This?, a lot of getting hit with a gun, a lot of kylo ren saying threatening stuff, famous on wattpad, kylo ren bottoms like once, kylo ren calls you his little girl, kylo ren is super toxic, mafia, mafia! kylo ren, reader is stupid, the end is not sad, the relationship is so complicated, the smut increases every time, they never practice their lines, thigh riding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:20:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 39
Words: 65,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26458579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kylorensgf/pseuds/kylorensgf
Summary: attending juilliard, the world’s most prestigious performing arts, it is in your normalcy to take be the main lead for all the plays – that is until a new student, kylo ren, seeks to take your place. in the upcoming play of william shakespeare’s most infamous play, romeo and juliet, you and ren land the main roles. romance and drama was meant to be on stage, never off of it, yet when two worlds collide, only the darkest secrets and truths will cause a significance of catastrophe.
Relationships: Ben Solo & Reader, Ben Solo/You, Kylo Ren & Reader, Kylo Ren & You, Rey (Star Wars)/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	1. chapter one.

**Author's Note:**

> ***there is poor grammar in here and i used the word 'barley' instead of 'barely', so i deeply apologize***

you woke up to the sound of your blasting alarm, making you groan and struggled to snooze it. "get up, loser! today's the day where mrs. jones tells us the big news!" your best friend rey exclaimed, opening your door and threw a ice cube at you.

you groaned more and sat up, rubbing your eyes. you yawned and tried adjusting to the sunlight. there was already honking cars of new york city and it was the only thing to irritate you. luckily, your school, juilliard, was only a few blocks away from your apartment. you did your normal morning routine- eat some sort of fruit, drink water, shower, brush your teeth, blast classic oldies, makeup, dress yourself and put on any accessories.

you would admit, your fashion wasn't bad, though you wore more skirts than jeans, any plain shirt that matched with your bottoms and your favorite warm, big cardigan that your grandmother gave you that was hers before she passed.

you brushed and dried your hair, being wavy as usual after it was all done and slip on your black converses that went with every outfit. they were even your party shoes. you grabbed your backpack, which had emergency bag of every emergency essentials, your pencil case of school supplies, few books, scripts and a notebook, putting your cellphone inside it.

"rey! let's go! you can masturbate later!" you yelled and pounded on the door, with her opening it and raising a brow. "i actually did that before i woke you up, so jokes on you!" she said and you rolled your eyes, chuckling.

"fine fine, i'll see you later then." you told her and made sure you had the apartment key, sighing. you walked out the door, straight to juilliard and always had a happy smile on your face. you loved the city, though it was very far away from home, but you liked that it was. you hated home.

you opened the doors and stepped inside the warm building, heading straight to your department- the acting program. you've loved acting since you could barley even understand real human words. it was a dream of yours and you were in drama throughout your high school career. you were never once an understudy or on the sidelines, you were always the star of the show and people loved you.

though you were well known in school, you were a sweetheart to everyone. you baked cupcakes for every students and teachers on valentine's day every year and would do charity. you were involved with the debate club, dancing club and fashion club. you were very humble. only time you would snap at people is if they questioned you about your parents or childhood. you would never talk about it.

you saw mrs. jones talking to poe, who smiled at the sight of you. him and rey have been your best friends since sixth grade. he was the overprotective friend type and cared for everybody. "where's the other one at?" he questioned and you shrugged, laughing.

"you know she's really not an early person. when she opened the door before i left, she was still showering, so we'll see her in a bit." you informed and he nodded, giving you a side hug. "alright alright, everyone sit please! i know we're all impatient about the news, but before i share that, i'd like to introduce a new student! he's transferred here from columbia university! kylo ren, if you may come up here." mrs. jones announced on the gigantic theater stage, watching this man walk up to it and towards her.

you were in awe of him. he looked like a god. his hair stopped at the end of his neck, wavy and black. he wore a white shirt, black jeans and a leather jacket, his shoes being combat boots. he was like the ideal bad boy type you'd see in romcom movies. you swallowed thickly and you noticed the girls were blushing over him.

you noticed his hands- they were large. very large. he was tall, and could tower over you. he gave a grin to everybody and waved, not shy or anybody. he was confident and seemed to be cocky. he caught you examining him and your cheeks warmed up.

mrs. jones let everyone take in his presence a little more, until she allowed him to sit back down. he sat right next to armitage hux, only a few rows behind you. "that dude seems like a dick." poe said and you nodded in agreement, chuckling. you wanted to look at him a bit more.

"now for the news! this is juilliard's first time producing this worldwide known play by the famous william shakespeare! this has always been my favorite romance tragedy to read and that is, romeo and juliet!" she exclaimed happily and everyone cheered, few standing up from their seats, you included. "ah ah, now calm down! the audition process is happening in an hour! finn will be coming around handing each one of you a few lines! females obviously get juliet and males get romeo!"

you knew you could land this lead of juliet. you never once didn't get a lead role. when you got the paper, poe scoffed at his and wasn't a big fan of shakespeare. "i have a feeling you want to be friar laurence, don't you?" you questioned and he nodded, you both bursting out into a laugh. rey came in just on time and grabbed a script, heading over to you and poe.

"romeo and juliet? this is fucking amazing! i want to get lady capulet, i'm not the juliet type." she said and shrugged, everyone's attention to the papers. it was silent and mouths moved when reading the lines, your mind easily comprehending them.

"yo, who's the dude checking you out?" rey asked and you turned your head, catching kylo ren looking at you. he smirked when you caught him, and you blushed, biting your lip nervously. she playfully nudged you, and winked, starting to tease you about him. "if you want her number, i'll give it to you!"

you slapped her arm, furrowing your eyebrows and shook your head, seeing her frown. "wait wait, shit. he's coming over here." rey alerted you and your eyes widened, panicking. your hands shook and you didn't know what to do.

"hey, princess." you heard kylo say and rey turned you around to face him, having to look up at the guy since he was much taller than you. "uh, hey. you're the new guy." you awkwardly spoke, chuckling nervously and could hear both poe and rey facepalming themselves. you introduced yourself to him and shook his hand, welcoming him to the acting program.

"listen, i got told already that you're kinda the big shot here. that you're the main leader for this whole program and i just want you to know that maybe this time, you won't be the lead." he said and you scoffed, already pissed off. you didn't want to blow up or anything, taking a deep breather and nodded.

"well, no promises there, kylo. it just happens naturally." you told him and he chuckled, finding it amusing to him. "ah, whatever you say. maybe someone else will get the female lead this time. wouldn't hurt to be an understudy or background character for once." he said before walking off and you stood there, wowed from what he said. you turned around and your best friends were just as shocked as you were.

"so, do i go beat that dude's ass? do you both have enough money to bail me out of jail? or get a lawyer for me when i go to prison for murdering him?" poe questioned, flipping kylo off and you grabbed his hand, putting it down. you sighed contently and you all went back to studying the lines.

the time passed by so quickly when mrs. jones announced it was time, and there would be pairs. you sat back, watching rey and poe audition together, holding in your laughter and sunk down into your seat. they were sarcastically, over dramatic with it and even ended the scene with a bit of tango dancing.

"you silly kids, i told you the theater is meant to be taken seriously! rey, you get the lady capulet. poe, friar laurence." mrs. jones said and they squealed in excitement, happy they got the roles they truly wanted. "okay, last ones up is kylo ren and the theater's biggest sweetheart!"

you knew that was you. that's what she called you. you gulped and your face burned up, looking at your friend with worried eyes. "go show him what you got." poe whispered and you nodded, stepping up to the stage. you took deep breathers and treated this like any other audition, staring into his eyes.

"now, action!"

you started reading off the lines, your tone being soft and warm, yet smoothing. you tried giving off the essence of juliet, even with facial expressions and emotions. kylo did the same with romeo.

but you felt a tension. a high rising tension. you both said lines while staring into each other's eyes, hands touching and the tension got even stronger. you didn't even realize you both were finished because you'd been lost in each other's eyes.

"t-that was amazing! that was exactly like romeo and juliet! you both got it!" mrs. jones shouted in pure happiness, chuckling and hands clasped together.

"wait, what?!" you and kylo both asked at the same time, obviously not enjoying each other's presence anymore. "you both are going to be romeo and juliet! finn, please hand them the entire script. i expect you both to study together everyday and every night! even if we aren't all here on the stage, stay here and do it! oh jolly, this is going to be amazing!" she was so happy about it and you couldn't let her down. you saw how much this play meant to her.

you frowned slightly when you got handed the entire script and it was thick. "soo.. i guess we're both leads." you mumbled and scratched the back of your neck, anxious and nervous. your heart was pounding and you could hear it in your ears. he hummed in agreement, attention on the script and not you.

"i want you both to start going over lines together today, and since you both will be love interests, get to know each other. it'll be so much better!" mrs. jones spoke and you eyed kylo, lips in a thin line. you didn't know exactly where you were suppose to go over lines with him at, waiting for him to say something.

"you're staring, princess. we'll meet back here once everyone is gone. it's better to study and getting to know each other in silence." he told you and you nodded, smiling.

"would you like my number, just in case?"

he nodded and you signaled rey to write your number down on a sticky note. she did so, handing it to you and you gave it to kylo. "why is the sticky note a pastel pink?" he asked and looked up at you, raising a brow.

"don't judge the color, newbie. i'll see you later." you said and walked off the stage, your friends smiling proudly and congratulating you on getting the lead.

"are you really going to stay with him afterwards? all by yourself?" poe questioned and you looked at kylo who was talking to the teacher, than back at him, nodding.

"yeah. nothing is gonna happen. it's just studying."


	2. chapter two.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a simple practice gets certainly hot and heavy.

you and rey were at a small cafe, reading the scripts and having tea. "are you really going to study alone with him?" she blurted out, putting her script down onto the table and stared at you. you settled yours down as well, nodding and raised a brow.

"i don't know why you and poe keep asking me! it's just studying and knowing each other a little bit. he's just a new person and i'm very surprised he got a lead that quickly."

"we're asking because poe and i got an odd vibe about the guy. i don't know, he just seems so-"

"secretive? closed off? introverted?"

"yeah, those words!" she said and you chuckled, looking at the time on your phone. _4:05pm._

you put the script in your backpack, making sure you had everything with you. "i have to go now, but i'll see you later, okay?" you reassured and she smiled, nodding. "oh, and finn is throwing a party later at the usual place! do you want to come?" she asked and you thought about it, not knowing if you needed time away from acting.

"let me think about it and i'll send you my response. bye bye!" you got up from your seat and left the cafe, heading straight back to the school, which was only a block away. you hummed to yourself, hands on the straps of your backpack and your eyes were focused on all the skyscrapers that surrounded you. they were really beautiful.

you walked into the building and directed yourself to the theater, puffing your cheeks as you entered inside it. you found kylo already there, laying on the stage and reading his script.

"hey newbie, i'm here! is that stage comfy for you?"

he grinned and sat up, looking at you. "don't know. the polished wood of it isn't exactly a mattress." he responded and you chuckled, seeing him jump off the stage. he gestured you both to the seats, sitting down in them and you felt your heart start to race.

"what are you doing here at juilliard? no offense, but you don't really seem to be the acting type."

"well, i've enjoyed acting for a while but my father was never supportive of it, only my mother was. my father thought it was a childish hobby, so i did high school plays in secret and only mom would come. then when it came to college, juilliard did offer me a spot but i couldn't take cause of my dad, so i went to university first and then came here when i got my associates degree."

you nodded and were surprised he was the person who liked acting. you were too quick to judge and you hated yourself in the moment for doing that.

"what about you, sweetheart?"

"what about me?"

"you know.. why are you here? what led you to this prestigious performing arts school?"

you smiled small, looking at the stage and crossed your legs, adjusting your skirt. "same reason, because i've always loved acting and never once was i ever a understudy or backstage. i have always been the lead." you told him and never took your eyes off the stage. "i love acting, and i hope, maybe soon, i will really make it."

"and what about your parents?"

your smile dropped and you turned your gaze on him, swallowing thickly. "we should get started with studying." you said and opened up your backpack, pulling out your script. you stood up and he was still looking at you, waiting for an answer. "what, ren?"

"you didn't answer me."

you sighed and rubbed your temple, wanting to cry from the slight thought of them. "i don't talk about them, ever. and never will." you replied and rolled your eyes, trying to not focus on him. he got up on his two feet and tucked his hands into his pockets, examining you. "it's must be super bad, what you have to say about them." he said and you scoffed, shrugging. he was getting onto you.

"yeah? and how do you know that, ren?"

"your body tensed when i mentioned them. your bright smile turned to sadness and your mood changed in under five seconds. so i know."

"you don't anything about me." you mumbled and your eyes went from your script to his. he was getting interfering with your space and your body was covered with goosebumps.

"then tell me. tell me all about yourself, and i won't say a word." he said and you looked around the whole theater, debating if you could trust him or not. you had an issue with people sticking to their word and keeping promises. most of your issues and problems were caused by your dad.

you sat on the ledge of the stage, him joining next to you. the script was in your lap and you were staring down at it. "my dad was not exactly a great one. he would take out his anger on me, the most. when my mom tried stepping in to defend me, he'd shove her into a closet and tell her to stay there until he was finished with me. everyday, i'd arrive to school with new bruises. not only that, he did too much drugs and i always caught him doing them, but i was young so i didn't know exactly why he had a needle going into his arm." you began, lifting up your head and went back to looking at the stage. his eyes were on you and listened, very closely.

"he was a bad person, i should say. he came and left so many times- rehab, jail and prison. he always told me he would get better and he never did. then my mom died when i was ten, because she was in a store robbery and they killed every person there. so after that, my dad became even more unstable. he'd drink and drink. drugs and more drugs. god, and now that i think about it, there was always so many blue and red lights in my life. i even saw him run from the cops a few times. he was never there. he was barely a father, but for some reason, i still have love for him."

kylo nodded and your eyes shifted to him, raising a brow. "and where is he now?" he asked and you chuckled, shrugging. "don't know. when i was twelve, my grandparents took me in and continued to raise me. the last time i spoke to him i was sixteen. i'm nineteen now." you told him and sighed, remembering everything.

few tears trickled down your cheeks and before you could even wipe them, kylo was doing it for you. your heart felt warm for a second. "nobody has a perfect life, sweetheart. life is something we create ourselves and it's given to us to see what the hell we want to do with it. from what i hear, though you went through years of hell, you overcame it all and grew yourself into a better person. you wish to not become your dad, you want your mom here and you thank your grandparents." he said and it was like he exactly knew you.

"how old are you anyways, kylo?"

"twenty three."

you could've sworn you choked on your saliva. the age difference was about four years apart. you told yourself, before graduation, you wouldn't fall for older boys anymore because it was stupid and naive of you to do. you needed to focus on your dreams, not anymore guys.

_okay, maybe just one._

"what did you do at columbia?" you questioned and he smiled slightly, clasping his hands together, your eyes looking at them for a few seconds. "i studied law. i wanted to become a defense attorney." he simply said and you nodded, getting up. your brain wandered to places when you saw his hands, mentally slapping yourself.

"w-we should, uh, start practicing. practice makes perfect, as they say."

"who says that? people from the 80's?"

your face warmed up and red coated your cheeks, laughing nervously. you walked onto the stage and trailed behind you, feeling his eyes burn through you. your palms became sweaty and you never felt this anxious before. he was a new person and you were suddenly feeling weak in your knees for him.

"hey, there's a party tonight at finn's. do you maybe want to come with me?" you offered and looked at him when speaking, small smile on your face. "are you asking me out on a date, princess?" he questioned and you blushed, shaking your heart. your heart raced and you panicked.

"n-no! oh gosh, n-not at all, you know what, just-"

"i was kidding, sweetheart. i'd love to. might be nice to meet a few people."

you gulped and nodded, exhaling deeply. "let's start from the first interaction." you said and he nodded, both of you flipping through papers and found the page number, starting.

staring into his eyes was now a struggle for you. you got lost in them easily and they were beautiful, even sparkled. the way his lips moved when he spoke, you just wanted to feel them against yours. his hands, you wanted them to touch your body and explore it.

you snapped out of your daydreaming and got flustered when he caught you checking him out. "everything okay, doll? something you want to share with me?" he teased and you shook your head, your hands getting clammy again.

he started walking closer to you and you took steps backwards, afraid you would fall. he tried to keep getting closer to you and hands behind his back with the script in them. "you look nervous, princess. are you sure you don't have anything to say? i saw that look in your eyes." he said and you became so weak, feeling submissive suddenly.

your back finally touched the wall and he had you pinned against it, face only a few inches away from yours. "fantasizing about me, hm?" he asked and you couldn't speak, mouth slightly hung open. no words, at all.

his smug grin turned into a smirk, nodding. he looked around the auditorium, making sure nobody was inside and felt his hand trailing up your body, to your neck and gripped onto it tightly. you inhaled sharply and tried your best to keep eye contact.

you felt a familiar pulse that wasn't where your chest was at, and his brought up his other hand, placing two fingers, index and middle, to your lower lip. "suck." he mumbled and your lips wrapped around them, your tongue swirling and he cooed at the sight of you.

"good girl." he whispered and kissed your forehead, one hand still on your throat and the other in your mouth. you were sure if someone caught you both, it'd be a traumatizing sight for them.

he pulled his fingers out and chuckled, using his shirt to clean them up, his hand being removed from your throat. he backed away and his smirk never disappeared, thinking to himself.

"i'll come pick you up at 8pm." he said and left you there standing, your cheeks red and the pulse never went away, watching him go. you would have to take care of it when you got back to your apartment.


	3. chapter three.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you and kylo ren begin to slowly see the wild sides of each other.

your legs were sore and aching from the countless times you masturbated over kylo ren. you didn't want to go to the party anymore, though rey already left before you to get drinks for it and practically promised her you would go.

you finished showering and realized you had only thirty minutes to get ready. you did your regular routine, finishing it off with you putting on your converses. then your phone made a ding and opened it up to your messages, seeing kylo ren had texted you. he had arrived to your apartment, saying how he wanted to do a little bit of exploring before attending to the party and you sent him a meme, as he questioned it.

you chuckled and put your phone in your purse, drinking some water afterwards. you checked yourself out in the mirror and knew it wasn't too cold to be wearing a satin mini dress.

you covered yourself with a black oversized jacket and smiled. it matched with the red, the strap of your purse over your shoulder. you walked out of your apartment, locking the door and went outside, seeing kylo waiting by his car. he had a cigarette in his mouth, grinning when he saw you and your outfit.

"nice look, sweetheart." he said and burned the cigarette with his foot, cocking up a brow. "where are we going first?" you asked and crossed your arms over your chest, tilting your head to the side.

he opened the passenger door for you and you sat inside his luxurious car. "how did you afford this car?" you questioned as you put on your seatbelt and he was looking at you.

"a mclaren isn't that much, princess." he responded and the door closed, getting on his side. he started up the engine and smirked more, side eyeing you. "you're probably secretly rich, right?" you continued asking and he turned his head to look at you, leaning in a bit.

"one more question and i'll shove my cock down your throat, mkay?"

you blushed and nodded, zipping your mouth, looking outside the window. he drove at the speed of lightning, feeling like you were going to get in a car accident with him. that's the last thing you wanted. he drove with one hand, the other one resting on the leather compartment and you couldn't stop staring at them. you pressed your thighs together, remembering what happened between you both earlier. you didn't want to get needy again.

the city lights and skyscrapers awed your eyes, a smile on your face. "where's your favorite place to go?" he asked and you thought to yourself for a few seconds, a certain somewhere coming into your mind. "the upper east side! i hope to live there someday." you replied and smiled so wide, your cheeks instantly started to hurt.

he nodded and his car took a different direction, heading to the mentioned location. "what do you like about the upper east side?" he questioned, driving past cars almost like if he was in a car race. "the fashion, the people and the parties." you told him and knew you were almost there when you saw well-known designer stores pass by your eyes.

"you're a city girl, huh." he mumbled and your gaze went from the places to his eyes, shaking your head. "god no. i'm still barley getting use to the weather here." you said and looked in the rear mirror, applying more lipgloss.

"what high school did you go to?"

"resistance high, in san diego."

"ah, you're a california girl then." he said and chuckled, parking his car on the side by a store. he didn't say anything, stepping out of the car, closing his door afterwards and got to your side, the door shutting behind you as you got out. you checked the time on your phone, humming in thought. the party would be starting in a bit.

"you want anything?" he asked and you were confused, looking into his eyes. you were too focused on him, his arms placed on your hips and spun you around to see that you were in front of stores that could drain your credit card.

"no no! we're going to the party, ren!"

"ah, come on, live a little."

"no! there's a party, where we can get drunk and have fun! take time away from knowing each other!" you exclaimed and pouted, furrowing your eyebrows. he only shrugged and started to check you out. "and the party is all the way in brooklyn! let's go!"

"don't be in such a rush, princess. loosen up, hm?"

"why are we here, ren?"

"ever done shoplifting before?" he asked and your eyes widened, shaking your head. "n-no! kylo, you're so stupid. we can't shoplift from chanel. that's like trying to overpower the government- impossible!" you said and he laughed, grabbing your hand. he was already heading you both inside the expensive place and you groaned, just going along with it.

he started to look around, eyeing any security cameras that made it noticeable. he's done this before and you could tell by his body language and facial expressions; he was very calm and collected, not even worrying.

"kylo, if we get caught and go to prison for this, our whole future will be taken away." you warned him and furrowed your brows, smacking him back of the head. "romeo and juliet took risks. and a nice necklace for you doesn't sound bad." he said and grinned, pulling out a switchblade. he popped off the security tags easily and shoved few necklaces and earrings into your purse, stuffing a dress into his jacket.

nobody suspected a thing, and you both were far from getting in trouble. "i hate you." you mumbled and rolled your eyes, lips frowning. "this is called fun." he joked and you slapped his arm, scoffing.

"this is called a crime."

he interlocked his fingers with yours and smiled in victory, feeling accomplished. "this store has a bathroom in the back and a window that leads to the alley. let's go." he informed and scurried to the bathrooms, opening up the men's. luckily, it was a one person bathroom.

he opened the window and lifted you up to it, your legs poking out first. you didn't want to flash anyone with your panties, trying your best to have your dress covered most of your lower half.

you jumped down onto the ground and your shoes hit the concrete, kylo hopping out behind you. "now wasn't that fun?" he questioned and you shrugged, looking around. "if we get caught, you're the one who's only going down." you said and walked back to his car, opening the door.

few seconds later, you both were in and comfortable, looking out the window. "let's just head to the party, ren. we just did the most illegal thing ever!" you exclaimed, not getting enough of rolling your eyes and being mad at him.

he handed you the dress and patted your thigh, nodding. you both sat in silence as he drove to brooklyn, old music from the radio filling it.

he finally parked his vehicle, being already ahead of him of getting out and grabbed your purse. he got out and adjusted his hair, kissing your cheek unexpectedly.

you got inside the second house of finn's and music was blasting, people drinking or kissing. "you going to be okay alone?" you asked him and he nodded, rubbing your shoulder and went his own way. you and rey both saw each other, smiling widely. she patted her lap and you sat on it instantly, her hand offering you a shot.

"is it tequila or vodka?" you asked over the loud music and she shrugged, already drunk out of her mind. you took the shot and asked for more, though you knew you were a lightweight. the tequila burned your throat, which you enjoyed and got you more fucked up than when you drank vodka.

kylo was easily making friends and getting to know people. everyone was enjoying his presence, offering him drugs and drinks. "you're the new guy at juilliard, right?" rose asked him and he nodded, on his fifth shot. "i heard you're the lead role of romeo! be careful with your partner!"

"why?"

"she's a little bit.. out of her mind and trouble. she just has a lot of issues and falls in love too quickly! be warned." she mentioned and took a sip out of the bottle of champagne.

"is that a good thing or bad thing?"

the music was getting louder and louder, nearly busting out everyone's eardrums. "very bad! she issues, dude! mostly like daddy issuessss!" she slurred her words and was suddenly gone in a blink of an eye. he decided to look for you, finding you making out with rey.

"heeeyyy ren! wanna join?" you asked and smiled, giggling. your red lipstick was around your best friend's lips and you laughed, poking her cheeks. "i love you so much, rey!"

you hugged her, your arms lazily slung around her shoulders and she laughed too, kylo being surprised you could get this drunk. "i need her for a second." he told rey in her ear and she nodded, allowing him to take you.

you pouted and were suddenly being dragged to the bathroom, him locking the door behind you two. his strong hands picked you up and sat you on the marble sink, your breath smelling like a mixture of tequila and vodka.

"you're so pretty, kylo." you mumbled and cupped his cheeks, squishing them. he pulled your hands away from them and sighed, thinking to himself. "can't believe you're my partner in this play! when i first saw you, i wanted to fuck you!"

he raised a brow, not letting the words get to you because you were drunk and probably didn't mean what you were saying. "you're such a god. i would get on my knees and worship you. i'd call you god or daddy!" you yelled and he covered your mouth, shaking his head.

"you don't mean what you say. plus, we can't do anything right now because you're drunk and have no sense of what is happening around you, okay?" he reminded you and you huffed, sticking your tongue out.

"please touch me, daddy _._ " you whined and he swallowed thickly, the word _daddy_ perfectly slipping off your tongue. he felt himself harden but he shook his head once again, running his fingers through your hair. "touch meeee!"

"if you sober up by the time we get to your apartment, we can do whatever you want."

"deal."


	4. chapter four.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a deal is a deal.

you drank water on the way back to your apartment, trying to sober up as much as you can. kylo carried you on his back to it, getting the key out of your purse and unlocked the door, closing it behind him once you both were in.

"how you feeling, princess?"

"needy." you mumbled and hopped off his back, nearly falling on your ass. you giggled and your lipstick was almost all off, your makeup being ruined. you sat on the ground, looking around and barley realized he was hovering over you, your hands tugging at his belt.

"no no, you're still drunk. i'm not doing that to you. we made a deal. i said if you were sober by the time we got back, we can do whatever you want. but it seems to me, you're not." he reminded you and a pout formed on your lips, whining. "i'm fine, ren!" you yelled and he raised a brow, leaning down, tilting his head to the side.

"really? okay, question time."

"okay, go ahead."

"performing arts you're attending?"

"juilliard."

"age?"

"nineteen."

"do you remember what we did tonight?"

"uh, stole something."

"city you were born in?"

"san diego."

he hummed and thought to himself, wanting to question you on what rose told him. "do you fall easily?" he asked and you nodded, smiling. you rubbed your eyes and stood up, him still being taller.

"i touched myself earlier to the thought of you." you muttered and chuckled, his face burning up slightly. he couldn't resist you anymore. kylo threw you over his shoulder, smacking your ass and you squealed, feet kicking. he found your room, due to the fact your name was titled on the door in small pink letters and slammed the door behind him, throwing you down onto the bed.

he took off his shirt and his lips smashed against yours, taking off your jacket and throwing your purse to the side. you both moaned into each other's mouths, your hands running down his body and feeling his abs.

he pulled away and started to unbuckle his belt, with you stripping out of your dress, the two of you kicking off your shoes. in the matter of seconds, you were left in your undergarments and he was only in his boxers, his fingers wrapping around your throat as he made out with you.

he flipped you over onto your stomach, stuffing your face into the pillow and ass in the air. he took off your panties and parted your legs wide, the cold air hitting your cunt.

kylo put his mouth on it, tongue running up and down between your slit, your moans and whines being muffled in the pillow. "you taste so good, angel." he said and pumped two fingers into your cunt at a medium pace, laying your face sideways. "god, you're so fucking wet and tight."

your eyes rolled back and a gasp escaped between your lips when you felt his cock push inside you, his hands groping your ass. "such a good little girl for me, hm? taking my cock so well." he praised, pounding into you at a harsh, rough pace and he reached down, fingers back around your neck. your back was touching his chest, hand tightly grasping your throat and he placed marks along the side of it, some on your collarbone.

you moaned and his other hand squeezed your breast, feeling his smirk on your skin. "say it. say my title." he mumbled and you bit your lip, never feeling so submissive before. "say it, whore."

"daddy."

he awed at the sound of the word falling off your tongue, kissing your cheek. "that's a good girl. do you hear how wet you are? pathetic and filthy." he said and a warm knot was in the pit of your stomach, whining loudly.

"i-i need to cum, please." you muttered and he instantly slipped out of you, your body collapsing on the bed. you groaned and kicked your feet anxiously, pouting. "where is it?" he asked and turned you around onto your back, gazing into your eyes.

"where is what?"

"your vibrator, princess."

you swallowed thickly and pointed to the small dresser next to your bed, it being in the first cabinet. he hummed and opened it, finding the white object. "eyes on me. if you look away even the slightest bit, i will hurt you." he warned and you nodded, hearing the click of him turning it on.

kylo pushed back inside of you and pressed the vibrator to your sensitive nub, a rush of adrenaline going through you. your back arched and tried to keep eye contact with him, but became too flustered and shy. "i don't think i made myself clear." he muttered and put more pressure on your cunt with the object, squealing.

"f-fuck, i'm gonna cum!" you yelled and your back wouldn't stop arching, your legs trembling. "cum for me, sweetheart. cum on my cock." he said and you nodded, gulping. you felt yourself release all over him and his cock pulled out of you, one hand jacking himself off. he covered your stomach with his cum and you grabbed the vibrator out of his hand, turning it off. you tossed it carelessly to the side and opened your mouth, wanting more.

your tongue was coated with the salty taste and his fingers combed through your hair, yanking your head back. he spat inside your mouth afterwards, patting your cheek and you giggled, swallowing both liquids.

"please hurt me, daddy." you pleaded and he chuckled, one hand cupping your cheek. he mocked a pout and a sharp slap was planted on your cheek, a whine coming out of you.

kylo picked something up from off the floor and it was his belt, your wrists being hostage together with it. you were on your stomach again, his cock already in and held onto the belt for support, ramming into you mercilessly. "this cunt is fucking mine, got that? if anyone touches you, i'll fucking kill them. you're mine only." he spat and you nodded, moaning loudly.

you got butterflies in your stomach as he degraded you and his cock kept hitting the right, sweet spot to make you cum. "every inch of your being is mine. if you ever think about someone else, i'll hurt you. i'll ruin you over and over again until all you can think about is my cock." he said and your heart melted, biting your lower lip harshly.

warm knot and legs trembling, he allowed you to cum. your whole body squirmed as you let out another climax, your body on the bed. "we're not done yet." he whispered in your ear and your wrists were still restrained, whining.

kylo laid himself down on the bed and placed you on his lap, his smirk never leaving. you slipped yourself down onto him and placed your hands on his stomach, your legs almost ready to give out. you rode him fast and he cursed under his breath, hissing between his teeth. "you look so pretty like this. keep riding me and don't stop until i cum inside you, got it?" he told you and you hummed in response, trying to keep your body strong.

your eyes rolled back and you could see the galaxy in them, panting. the room was filled with desperate, lewd sounds of you and kylo, swearing the neighbors next to you, downstairs and upstairs could hear you, probably filing a noise complaint, but you didn't care. you were getting fucked by a god.

"shit! i'm gonna cum. cum with me, angel, please." he groaned and you nodded, his hands being placed at your hips and started to pound inside you again, screaming out his name.

you came around him as he came inside you, your body completely shutting down. you fell down next to him and you both tried to catch a breather, laying there bare naked and sweaty.

"holy fucking shit that was amazing." you said and you two looked at each other, bursting out into laughters. he kissed your forehead and smiled small, nodding.

"we should clean up. i'll carry you to the bathroom." he offered and was already standing up, scooping you up into his arms in bridal style. you knew rey wouldn't be home anytime soon since she usually hooked up with some random girl.

he opened the bathroom door and placed you on the sink, filling up the tub. "do you fill the bathtub with any soap?" he asked and you got embarrassed, opening up the cabinet. you tossed him a kid's body soap that was a watermelon scent, cheeks red and smiled shyly. "cute."

he put some of the soap into the tub and closed up the lid, the bottle on the floor. he opened up the towel drawer, getting two of them and they were laid next to the tub. "up up we go, princess." he joked and settled you down into the tub, the water making your body calm down. he stepped in next, being across from you. you grabbed the hair tie from your wrist, putting up your hair to prevent it from getting wet.

there was a window next to the tub, showing off the whole city and the sun would be out in a few hours. "c'mere, let me wash you off." he proffered and you nodded, your body laying on his. he grabbed the loofah and squeezed a good amount of soap on it, the sponge running across your body.

he placed small kisses on the back of your neck after he finished cleaning you up, doing himself last. your heart was racing and cheeks were hurting from smiling so wide, wanting to kiss him again.

but all of it what was happening meant nothing and you had to reminded yourself of that. you didn't want to get heartbroken again and have your expectations so high.

he got out of the tub, covering his lower half with a towel and helped you out, the towel making you warm once he wrapped you with it. he held your hand and you both walked back to your room, your legs already feeling sore.

you sat on the edge of the bed, looking around your room and realized you needed to change your sheets. "wait, i just realized something, are you-"

"yes, kylo. i'm on the pill. i have a fear of getting pregnant."

he exhaled in relief and nodded, already starting to change into his boxers. "where are your clothes at?" he asked and you pointed, seeing him grab out panties and a sweater for you.

next thing you knew it, kylo put the clothes on you and stood you up, taking off the sheets. he was doing all the cleaning up for you, leaving you standing there and watching him.

you grabbed your phone from your purse, having messages from rey.

her messages have spoke off how rose had spilt your such issues to ren and you were slightly infuriated.

you turned off your phone and groaned, putting it to the side. "you okay, angel?" he questioned and you nodded, forcing a smile. the bed was covered with new sheets and blanket, fluffing up your pillows. "now, we rest."

you nodded and got under the covers with him, nuzzling into him. his arms snaked around your body and kissed the crown of your head, chin on it after. you didn't care if you woke up late, you just wanted to enjoy this moment with him.

"goodnight, sweetheart."


	5. chapter five.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you and kylo bump heads for the first time, ever. and its only been a day since you two have known each other.

cold water hit your body, making you scream and eyes widen. it was rey. "you overslept! c'mon!" she yelled and you turned your head, kylo being gone. he didn't stay very long.

"how late am i?"

"an hour! they can be starting practice any minute now, hurry!"

you slipped on some sweats, ignoring your oversized sweater and brushed your hair, nearly scratching out your scalp. you threw your phone into your backpack, zipping it up and worked on cleaning your teeth, time being quick. you spat out the paste and watered out your mouth, grabbing a stick of mint gum to help out the rest.

you put on your converses and you ran out the door with your best friend, not even knowing if the door was locked. rey held your hand as you both ran to juilliard, pushing past people and apologizing. your head was pounding and knew it was a hangover, your legs being extremely sore too, spitting your gum onto the sidewalk.

you tried to ignore the unbearable pain and she opened door, never letting go of your hand. "we're here, jones! she just woke up with a unwell stomach, but it's handled!" she told the teacher and she understood, nodding. you put your bag on a chair and saw kylo, who was grinning once you entered. he was talking to finn, rose and hux, tensing up and tried to ignore them.

you pulled the script out of your backpack, tears in your eyes and you inhaled sharply, trying not to get anxious. last night meant nothing, you both were just wanting to have fun.

"everyone gather onto the stage!" mrs. jones announced and everyone retreated to the polished wooden stage, muttering coming from few people. "by the way, why were you washing your sheets?" rey blurted and you thought for a lie, chewing your lip nervously. "i split coffee on it." you simply replied and she nodded, giving you a small smile. "how are my two best friends?" poe came into the conversation, a wide smile on your face.

"we're both okay. just a little fucked up from the party." rey told him and he nodded, patting both your shoulders. everyone was spaced apart in their own bubbles, you being only couple inches away from poe and rey, finally calmed down- until you felt kylo's presence behind you, one hand on your back.

"we have a lot of work to do! today is the first day of practice! costume fittings will happen in two weeks from now and the opening show is in a few months, no official date yet! mark your calendars." jones explained to everybody and cheers were made, while your heart raced. she called both your and kylo's name, asking about the alone time together you had.

"y-yeah! it was great! we got to know each other and we're r-ready." you stumbled on your words, your hands shaking and he had a grin on his stupid face. you turned around and looked him in the eye, furrowing your brows. "why the fuck did you leave or didn't even bother to wake me?" you asked, smacking his arm and he chuckled, rolling his eyes.

"sorry, didn't know you were that much of a princess. i'm no butler or alarm clock." he responded and you saw a whole different person in him than from last night. luckily, jones called your name and you scoffed at kylo, your feet directing you to her.

"i got some good news. remember how i recommended your name to a few agencies? well, one got back to me and they're offering you a lead role in a movie." she said and you smiled widely, getting happy with her. "the production would start a week after the opening show and it's taking place in los angeles. they're willing to give you few weeks to think about it, but, do you want it?"

"i do, but i mean, i'm still fresh here and i want to finish off my years. just give me those weeks to think, please." you stated and she nodded, patting your back. you went over to poe and rey, your cheeks hurting from how much you were smiling. "why are you so cheesy, dummy?" poe asked and you clapped your hands, excited.

"i got offered a lead role in a movie! jones just told me!" you shared and their jaw drops, eyes widen. "t-that's amazing! you deserve it so much!" rey exclaimed and she pulled you into a hug, poe joining you two. "you should totally do it, babe. c'mon, this has been your dream forever."

"i know, i know. i'm just going to think about for a few weeks and once i have a clear decision, i'll tell her and she'll contact the agency." you told them and they nodded, both kissing your cheeks.

"practice will start in fifteen minutes! everyone do what you need to!" jones yelled and you felt a hand on your shoulder, causing you to spin around. kylo was in your space again.

"mind if i take her away for a few minutes? just need to go over the lines and it's best if we do it alone." kylo said and they didn't respond, poe's jaw clenching. "i-i'll be back, promise." you mumbled, handing rey your script and the two nodded, kylo's hand on your wrist. his grip was tight and took you to outside of the theater.

he looked around for a clear sight, taking you into the one person bathroom, that was for handicap people, and locked the door. the air vent in it was loud and the bathroom was echoey. "what do you want, ren? you leave and try to act like a whole different person when there's people around. it's pathetic, actually." you told him and rolled your eyes, your back leaning on the wall, arms crossed over your chest.

"that wasn't me being different. i was just saying what was on my mind."

"you're an actual dick, you know that? just because you're new and got to fuck me, means nothing."

he hummed, hands in his pocket and his eyes were locked with yours. "knees, now." he demanded and you raised a brow, chuckling. you had rehearsals at any moment, losing count of time.

"you've got to be kidding me right now. ren, i'm not-"

"knees, _now._ "

you swallowed thickly from how deeper and darker his tone got, obeying. you were on your knees, head down until he yanked it up with his fingers in your hair. "don't think i've forgotten about last night, angel." he said and you whimpered, biting your lip. "your cunt is mine."

you nodded and blushed, the eye contact becoming too much for to handle. he unhooked his fingers from your hair, wrapping them around your jaw and forced your mouth to open. he spat inside and you swallowed, feeling him pat your cheek. he smirked in satisfaction and your jaw was free from his hand, pouting more.

"let's get back before people get suspicious."

you nodded and stood up, adjusting your lazy clothing. you trailed behind him and wished there was more. "kylo." you muttered and stopped in his tracks, peeking at you. "do you, um, care about me.."

he didn't say anything. he stood silent. he didn't even hum in response. so much for an answer. you pushed past him and bursted through the doors, tears wanting to escape your eyes. you constantly needed to remind yourself that you didn't no male. you were just fine being independent- _which was complete bullshit._

you saw mrs. jones and tapped her shoulder, your eyes glossy. "um, i  
need to go back home. i feel very unwell and i think it may be the stomach flu. i promise i'll be better by tomorrow." you said and she nodded, agreeing.

"if you need any tea or medicine remedies, don't be afraid to text, i got plenty!" jones offered and you nodded, thanking her. you put the straps of your backpack over your shoulders and stormed out of the theater, questioning your sanity and more.

rey and poe noticed, both looking at each other. even kylo saw you run too. "what happened to her?" he asked her, while poe chased after you and called out your name.

"i don't know, newbie. but if it has anything to do with you, i will cut off your dick." she threatened and glared at him, scoffing.

but you wanted to be alone instead.


	6. chapter six.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ren is confusing and you're heartbroken. how well can this go?

you were curled up in your blanket on your window bay, looking out to the city and just thought to yourself. the clouds were grey and thunder rumbled, which was your favorite. you found it calming and peaceful.

poe and rey were sitting outside of your door, across from each other and waited for you to say something. they hadn't left their spots in hours and were worried about you. you didn't want them to wait around for you.

"guys, i'm fine. go do whatever you want." you said and rey opened your door, still on the floor. both of your friends were frowning, sadness splattered on their faces and sighed. "it's nothing, i just- i'll know better next time."

they stood up and poe leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed over your chest. "we know that's a lie. we know you, dummy. we've been friends for nearly eight years now." he reminded you and they both stepped inside your cold room, sitting on your bed.

"i know. he showed me the slightest of affection and care, and i instantly thought he wanted me. i fall easily. plus, he's older than me." you told them and they raised a brow, asking how old he is. "well, kylo ren is twenty three."

"twenty three?! jesus, he looks like he's at least twenty one. but babe, you can't fall for another guy who's close to having their own journey. not again. especially not after, you know who.." rey stated and you nodded, knowing she was right. "i just want to feel loved." you muttered and pressed your forehead against the window, huffing.

"listen, poe and i are going to grab your favorite snacks and buy champagne. we'll have a night for the three of us and do whatever you want!" rey exclaimed, smiling wide and you looked at her, nodding. you needed a distraction.

they left in seconds and you were left in the silence again, wanting to cry. you were good being alone for a few minutes until there was a knock on the front door. you got up and sighed, throwing the blanket on your bed. you slipped on your bunny slippers, walking to the door and one eyed the peephole. it was kylo.

"go away!" you yelled and kicked the door, signaling him to shoo off. "open the door, please. i just want to talk." he said and you sighed, biting your lip. you unlocked the door, opening it for him and he smiled small. he had a bouquet of roses in his hand, which was a cheesy gesture.

you stepped aside and he came in, closing and locking the door behind him. you grabbed the roses from his hand, mumbling a thank you and settled them on the kitchen counter.

"cute slippers. they suit you." he complimented and you scoffed, nodding. "what do you want, kylo? you made it clear you don't care." you said and he got closer to you, eyes looking down into yours.

one hand cupped your cheek, thumb stroking it. "affliction is enamored of thy parts, and thou art wedded to calamity." he quoted the play and you placed your hand on top of his, smiling small. you held it and took it off your cheek, shaking your head. "if that's your gesture to apologizing, then i hate it." you said and let go of his hand, walking to your room.

he trailed behind you and you were suddenly pinned to the wall, his hand holding both your wrists to it. you inhaled sharply, staring into his eyes and furrowed your brows. "it's easy for someone to joke about scars if they've never been cut." you told him, quoting the play as well and tugged your wrists away. he was close in your face and you couldn't depart your eyes from his.

you swallowed thickly, lips even being close. "you don't get it, ren. i fall in love easily. i have daddy issues, remember?" you said and gently pushed him away from you, going to the kitchen. you grabbed a vase from under the sink, sighing and he followed you wherever you were going, confused with your words. "you don't know me, and never will. let's forget what happened last night and what i said, please. we'll just stick to as partners for the show."

"i don't want that."

"then what do you want, kylo! you're fucking confusing and i hate it!" you shouted and his body tense, trying to cool his temper, which seemed to be very short. "i just don't want anybody else to have you!" he yelled back and you were taken back by it, but just scoffed.

you needed to calm yourself and furiously ran your fingers through your hair. you grabbed your phone from your pocket, texting rey that you needed her to go to the pharmacy and pick up your prescription, to distract her and poe- you need more time to talk to kylo. he watched you text her and throw your phone carelessly on the counter.

"well guess what kylo, i'm not yours and you're not mine, so anybody can have me."

"what does that mean? you're just going to fall in love with every single guy who gives you the slightest attention. rose told me about him."

you finally snapped. you threw the vase at the wall, shattering it into unfixable pieces and you breathed heavily. "don't talk about him. you don't know what happened and whatever rose has been telling you, just ignore it. she likes to twist my words around." you said and your breathing shuddered, tears in your eyes.

"then tell me what happened."

you sighed and a single tear ran down your cheek, your mind remembering everything about your ex. "his name is xavier. we dated when i was a junior and he was a senior, though he was eighteen and i was sixteen. we didn't care about the age difference or the fact he was only one class up of me." you started off and sniffled, sliding down the fridge.

kylo stood still and listened, hands in his pockets. "but, i loved him. i loved him so much. i gave him everything he wanted. but i always felt like i wasn't enough for him. i always needed validation from him when i saw him talking to other girls. i was scared he would leave. i was scared he wouldn't stay. he was manipulative. he would gaslight me, but i didn't mind it. i always thought everything that happened was my fault. one minute it was him saying he loved me, and the next, he's telling me i never do anything for him."

the tears were coming and spilt down your face, not bothering to wipe them away. "when we would argue, he would blame me for them. that's where he started using my daddy issues as an excuse for anything wrong he did. let's not forget, since i was so attached to him and clingy, he got annoyed by it. i felt like i wasn't enough. he made me feel like i wasn't enough and now, i think that. i think i will never be good enough for someone's love. our relationship lasted a year until he couldn't handle me anymore. his last words to me were, _i hope you die, fucking bitch._ "

you looked at kylo, who's hands were in fists and angry. he was mad. he was mad you got treated that way. "but despite everything, i didn't care. i just wanted him to stay. i would do anything to make him stay because i had the constant fear of him leaving. he's just as worse as my dad." you said and looked at the cabinet in front of you. "what's wrong with me?"

kylo sighed and shook his head, helping you up. "nothing is wrong with you, angel. i need to do something real quick. go to your room and cover your ears. i will pay for all the damage." he spoke, trying to keep his composure around you and you knew what he was getting at.

"kylo, it's okay. i-i'm okay now. please."

"now."

"no no! i'm okay. kylo, look at me." you said and he wouldn't bother to listen to you. he couldn't believe his ears and wanted nothing more than to kill xavier. "kylo, it's okay.."

he kicked the chair and you inhaled sharply, trying to pull him away. you didn't need to go through this again. his hand was suddenly on the cactus pot, throwing it to the wall and the dirt went everywhere.

"kylo!" you shouted loud enough for the neighbors to hear. he saw the fear in your eyes. he saw you were scared and your body was shaking. he hugged you tightly and dug his face into the crook of your neck, holding him just as tight. "i'll make sure to protect you with my whole life. no one or nothing will ever hurt you again." he said and you didn't know if you could trust what he was saying, just nodding.

the apartment was tense, hot and there was two broken objects on the ground, soil everywhere. you two didn't let go of each other, standing there in silence.


	7. chapter seven.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a new person has stopped by- someone from your past, and their presence can cause such a disaster.

a week had past and things were good between you and kylo. he would come over when rey wasn't around and you'd both just watch movies in bed, or cuddle during naps. even rehearsals were good and you started to feel better about yourself.

you were getting ready for a new day, rey being at work and you enjoyed having some alone time finally. kylo was busy with hux, doing god knows what but you trusted him with whatever it was, though you two still weren't a thing- the feelings for him were there.

you finished folding your clothes and got up from bed, wanting some lemonade. on your way to the kitchen, there was a knock on the door. you hummed in confusion, thinking maybe it was kylo, so you had no reason to actually look into the peephole.

there was another knock and it annoyed you, rolling your eyes. "okay okay, i'm coming! be patient!" you yelled and scurried to the door, opening it widely.

your smile disappeared. your heart sunk. your eyes were wide. everything happy thing inside you became numb and you swallowed thickly, wishing you had looked through the peephole.

"x-xavier. w-what are you doing here? how did you find me?" you asked and heart started to race, breathing becoming heavy. "it's easy to find you when you put your location on your social media posts. plus, i'm here for my cousin's wedding. we have a few things to discuss." he responded and had a smug smile on his face.

"no. we have nothing to talk about." you told him and scoffed, crossing your arms over your chest. "listen, baby. i'm sorry. i never meant to hurt you and i miss you, i really do. it's not too late to fix everything." he said and you rolled your eyes again, nodding. "we ended things for a good reason. and i don't want you back in my life, you ignorant ass!" you said, raising your voice and furrowed your brows.

"c'mon. not even another chance to be friends?"

"f-friends? and chances? i gave you millions of chances. you're lucky i haven't told _anyone_ about the times you've physically hurt me."

"you know i was just drunk or high at those moments. i would never actually hurt you." he denied and you couldn't believe what you were hearing. you wouldn't let him manipulate you.

"oh yeah, that bruise on my eye after you screamed at me wasn't nothing."

"what are you talking-"

"or that time when you busted my lip  
open cause i confronted you about cheating on me!"

"keep your voice down!" he yelled and you flinched, gulping. you couldn't move suddenly. you stood there, nodding and licked your lips. "good to know you haven't changed." you mumbled. "get the fuck out of my face, xavier. if you come back here ever again, i'll have someone else handle you."

"yeah, like who?"

"me, asshole." you heard kylo say, who suddenly appeared. you exhaled deeply and thanked god he had come just on time. kylo has gotten closer into your ex's face, grinning. "so you're the guy who hurt her?"

xavier was a little shorter than kylo, making him seem very weak. he nodded and glared into his eyes, chuckling. "oh man. good luck with her. she's a lot to handle." he said to kylo and you watched him tense, face going cold.

he took something out of his pocket and it was his switchblade, pressuring it against xavier's neck. "at least i'm not a gaslighting, abusive cheater. if you ever come back, even near this building, i'll do much worse than holding this knife against your throat. i'll have you gone, forever. got it, cheap shot?"

xavier wasn't even frightened but nodded, pushing his hand away from his hand. "no promises." he muttered and walked off, disappearing when he turned to the corner. kylo looked at you and your eyes teared up, hugging him tightly. he kissed the top of your head, rubbing your back and you sobbed into his chest.

"this is why, angel, we check the peephole."

"i-i thought i-it was you.." you sobbed, choking on your tears and hiccuped. he picked you up, your legs wrapping around his torso, stepping inside your apartment and he kicked the door closed behind him.

he sat down on the couch, with you now on his lap and he let you cry it all out. his hands touched your cheeks, cupping them and pulled your head back, looking at him. he wiped away your tears with his thumbs and kissed your forehead then your cheek.

"how much did you hear?" you asked and he sighed, replying, "enough to know how he actually treated you."

you looked down and sniffled, catching a breather, resting your head on his shoulder. you didn't want him to go. you wished you could tell him you wanted him as yours only, no one else's. you knew it was too early for a relationship, but you didn't know how much longer you could hold in your feelings.

"angel love."

"mhm?"

"lay down."

"why?" you questioned in a hushed voice and he gazed into your eyes, signaling his head for you to obey. you did and positioned your head comfortably on the white, fluffy couch pillow.

he started to part your legs and took off your shorts, tossing them to the side. you didn't stop him and you smiled small, blushing. he placed soft kisses in your inner thighs and you barley realized you hadn't been eaten out in a while, pouting.

"just relax. this is for you to enjoy." he murmured and you nodded, as he slipped off your panties. he put them with your shorts and you felt his tongue swipe over your cunt, whimpering.

your fingers tangled into his hair, gripping onto it gently and a feeling of euphoria washed throughout your body, his tongue feeling amazing on your cunt. you bit your lip and moaned softly, his arms going around your thighs, holding you close to his face.

his tongue ran up and down your slit, feeling two fingers slip into you, working themselves at a medium pace. "holy fucking shit.." you whispered, both hands in his hair and pushed it back, getting a perfect view of him.

your tongue licked over your lower lip, mouth hanging open with needy moans and whines coming out of it. he fingers continued at their same pace and sucked onto your sensitive nub, your back arching. his lips detached themselves from it and fingers slid out, sitting you up. instantly, you were in his arms, your back on his chest and he opened your legs wider this time.

you laid your head on his shoulder and saw him push in three fingers back into you that went at a fast pace. you gripped onto his flexed muscle, moaning and your eyes rolled back. you were tight for three fingers, yet he stretched you out perfectly.

he kissed the side of your head and his fingers practically started to pound into you, whining into his ear. a knot was in your stomach and your legs trembled, squirming in his arms.

"cum for me." he mumbled and you nodded, your top teeth digging into your lower lip when you released your climax, gasping. he smirked and slipped his fingers out, with them being at your bottom lip. "be a good girl and suck."

you put them in your mouth, moaning at the taste of yourself and tongue swirling over his fingers. he took them out once you fully cleaned them off and smiled. "that's my good girl." he said and helped you put back on your underwear and shorts.

you yawned and rubbed your eyes, becoming exhausted again. "let's put you to sleep." he told you and you shook your head, pouting. "you need it, sweetheart." he said and got up, laying you down on the couch. he grabbed the blanket that was hanging over it and covered you with the duvet, making sure you were comfortable.

"kylo." you mumbled and he hummed, raising a brow. "um, can you stay please? i just feel scared to be alone.." you said and he nodded, sitting on the floor, running his fingers through your locks. you closed your eyes and fell into a comfortable, safe sleep.


	8. chapter eight.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the chaos and drama begins to stir up.

you were awoken from your slumber by rey shaking you like an earthquake, causing you to groan and pout. "wake up! kylo got arrested!" she yelled and you instantly got up, raising a brow. it took you a second or two to remember what happened before you fell asleep.

"w-what? why? did you get your lawyer to him?" you asked and she nodded, tossing you your bunny slippers. you realized you were still in your shorts, going to your room and grabbing sweats that you put on over them before putting on your slippers.

"he called me because you wouldn't answer your phone and told me that your ex had called the police on him for like threatening him with a weapon." she explained and you swallowed thickly, both of you heading outside the apartment complex, straight to her car. you both got in and didn't bother to put on your seatbelt, zooming to the police station and you started to shake, breathing heavily.

"is it true?"

"is what true?"

"that xavier came back?"

you nodded and sighed, seeing your pound her fist angrily on the steering wheel. her, poe and kylo both had the same hatred level for him, and you couldn't blame them, especially after everything he did to you.

your bunny slippers weren't enough to keep your feet warm as the car parked on the side and you two rushed out, slamming the doors shut. you ran inside before her and panicked, looking around. "kylo ren!" you told the man at the front desk and he was on the phone with someone, ignoring you. "you fucking old bitch! kylo ren, i'm here to bail him out!"

your voice shut everyone up in the room, glares coming your way. rey stood besides you, rubbing your back and the man put down the phone, rolling his eyes. "you said kylo ren, right?" he asked and you nodded, hands folded on the desk. "kylo ben solo ren, right?"

you nodded once again, surprised how attractive his full name was. you liked ben better than kylo. "alright. all charges have been dropped and the cost for his bail is about seven hundred. this is going on his record, i hope you know that." he said and you opened your purse, giving him cash. you were going to have a talk with kylo once you got back to your apartment.

"how can i clear this from his record?" you asked, worried about his future and him attending juilliard. it could possibly affect him. the man shrugged and left you two, your cheeks puffing. you looked at rey, who side hugged you and sighed contently. "he is such a fucking idiot, i'm going to cut off his balls."

"he was trying to protect you, babe. he did the right thing."

"well, he didn't even think of the consequences!"

heavy footsteps approached you and rey, turning your head. you crossed your arms over your chest and glared at kylo, pinching his ear as you made your way out of the police station. "kylo ren, how _dumb_ are you?" you asked and let go of his ear, furrowing your brows.

"you literally saw me with the knife to his throat!"

"kylo, i know that knife situation isn't the whole reason why you're here! your knuckles are bruised and you have a small cut on your cheekbone! what happened!"

"can you please stop yelling at me!" he shouted back and you turned your back towards him, looking away. "well, i'm gonna go visit poe. he needs help surprising finn with a date." rey said and tossed you the keys, making her own way to poe's apartment.

"can we go back to your place and talk about this, please." he told you and you nodded, stepping into the car with him. the drive back to the apartment was quiet, always side eyeing his fists. there was dry blood on them and you worried, shaking your head. this was all sorts of bad.

you parked the car in the right stall and turned off the engine, pulling the keys out. "kylo, tell me what happened. did you kill him?" you questioned and he sighed, looking out the window. "i was just, mad." he stated and you scoffed in disbelief, getting out with him. "but he's going to be okay! i'll be okay if he doesn't say anything more."

kylo trailed behind you and was worried you suddenly thought differently of him. if his anger was already up, you didn't want to make it worse. you knew how to deal with these things, due to your father and xavier. you both awkwardly stood in the elevator, waiting for it to get to your level.

"kylo, you can't protect me."

"yes i can."

"i'll be fine, and why do you even care? you're not my boyfriend or anything." you said as you walked out of the elevator, to your apartment door and opened it wide, letting him in. he slammed the door closed and you jumped slightly from it, taking off your slippers. "kylo, what did you do to him?"

he sat on the couch as you stood and waited for an answer. "after you fell asleep, i left and when i did, he was still waiting outside your building. i gave him many warnings to fuck off and he never did. he thought i was playing around and kept telling me you're a mess. that you will exhaust me and will barely ever trust me, but i knew neither of those were true." he began and you nodded, knowing xavier was trying to expose you to kylo.

you had some qualities to yourself; you always thought people were going to leave after they told you they would never, it was hard for you to trust, you always dated someone who was two years or older than you, the clingiest person to exist and got easily attached. you couldn't forget, you fell in love easily.

"so i dragged him to the back of the alley and beat him. he only got one good hit of me. i realized i did too much damage to him when he bleeding out of his nose and mouth, bruising him carelessly. i nearly killed him, and i ran. i stayed home until the cops came to get me. i thought they knew and i was going to jail, but xavier had only told them about the knife problem and said a bunch of guys jumped him for his money." he finished explaining, face in his hands and looked at you. "i'm sorry."

"you have to be careful next time. i'm not mad at you, b-but i can protect myself. i'll be okay. i have rey here and she has a bunch of pepper spray and knows how to get away with murder."

"it's not just that."

"then what is it?" you asked, curious to know since his face went from soft to cold, hands tensing. he was thinking of something. he laid back on the couch and eyed you, patting his lap. you obeyed and sat down on it, his hands on your waist. he pulled you closer to him, and brought his hands up, with them now on your cheeks

"no one else gets to have you. no one else gets to touch you the way i do. remember what i told you as i pounded your pretty cunt? i said, if anyone touches you, or even lays a single finger on you, i'll fucking kill them. because you're _mine._ my little girl." he hissed and you blushed, your heart melting. you were on cloud nine and nodded, smiling widely.

"mhm.. yes."

"yes what? say it."

"yes daddy."

he smirked and kissed your forehead, groping your bottom. he sighed contently, staring into your eyes and thought to himself.

"go to the bedroom and strip for me. i expect to find you on the bed fully nude and be prepared."

you were off his lap in a second and rushed to the bedroom.


	9. chapter nine.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hot and heavy, with desire between you and kylo.

you were bare naked, hugging your legs that you held close to your chest and pouted. you heard kylo's footsteps get closer to your door, him opening it and smirked at the sight of you. he hummed and took off his shirt, revealing his perfectly toned body, unbuckling his belt as well.

"come here." he mumbled and you obeyed, crawling over to the edge of your bed, looking up at him. his thumb ran across your lips, parting them and put his thumb down onto your tongue. you instantly sucked onto it and looked at him with doe, glossy eyes. "such a good girl. i'm going to fucking ruin you."

his thumb was out of your mouth, his hand caressing your cheek and patted it gently, feeling a sharp sting suddenly and whimpered. you pressed your thigh together, your arousal increasing each second. he slapped you few more times on both sides of your face until his handprint was visible, chuckling and opened your mouth, spitting inside of it.

"the safe word is dandelion." he told you and you nodded, biting your lip. he took off the rest of his clothing, his cock springing out and you blushed, already putting your mouth to work, looking away from him.

he grabbed a fistful of your hair, pushing strands out of your face and kept your face in place, thrusting his cock into your mouth. he hissed between his teeth, cursing under his breath and moaned loudly, slightly throwing his head back. "fuck, you look so pretty like this."

your face burned up and whined, the vibration of it running through him and he groaned, breathing heavily. he continued to thrust himself into your mouth, drool coming out the sides of your mouth and down your chin, eyes watering up already. your hand grasped onto the bedsheets and couldn't get out of his hold, his hand in your hair having full control over you. your mind slowly started to get hazy and he finally let you get some air, the oxygen of the room entering your lungs.

his wrapped his fingers around his member, jerking himself off and you opened your mouth, tongue sticking out and you closed your eyes. he moaned out your name as he reached his climax, cursing loudly when he released into your mouth.

the salty taste coated your tongue, opening your eyes and his breathing being shuddery, eyebrows furrowed. he spit inside your mouth and you swallowed both combinations, pouting. he grabbed your chin, forcing you to stare him in the eye and you whined, heart racing. "you belong to me. you worship me. you only kneel to me and beg for forgiveness to me." he told you and you nodded, finding out what his complex was. "got that?"

"mhm, yes."

"yes what?"

"yes god."

"that's my good girl. get on all fours, now." he demanded and you were already sticking your ass in the air for him, giving him a full view of your cunt too. you stuffed your face into the pillow and hugged it tightly for support, your pout never leaving. he cursed a few words when slipping himself inside you and groped your ass, his nails digging into it. he didn't hesitate on going fast, pounding into you and you gasped softly, eyes rolling back. your moans and whimpers were muffled by the pillow, biting onto it to refuse yourself from being very loud.

"you're so fucking wet and tight for me. what a nasty little girl you are, princess. you fit so perfectly in my hands, you were made for me and only me." he said and moaned louder, skin clapping filling the room, his hand smacking your ass harshly and constantly, until it was red and each cheek had his handprint marked on it. he didn't want you to forget his touch or the way he moaned your name, sounding like music to your ears.

he rubbed your cunt while still savagely ramming into you, squirming around from the roughness. his other arm looped around your waist and had a strong hold on you, refusing to let you squirm anymore. your sensitive cunt could barley take both, hugging the pillow tighter and whined, the knot forming in your stomach. your legs were shaking and you gasped, eyes rolling back, nails clawing into the pillow sheet. "shit, cum with me, angel." he said and you nodded, both of you finally reaching your climax, his spilling into you.

he laid you on your back and didn't give you a second to even catch a breather, going back to pounding inside of you. your mouth hung open, needy, loud noises exiting yours and his mouths, his hand on your throat. he watched himself pound into you, keeping your legs spread open widely for him. "oh god, you feel so good.." you muttered and he smirked, hand clutching tighter around your throat, your back arching.

"that's right, i'm your fucking god. scream my name."

"k-kylo!"

"louder, baby."

"kylo! god! fucking shit!" you yelled at the top of your lungs and he started to rub your sensitive nub again, gasping. you threw your head back and he never let go of your throat, which compelled you to look back into his eyes. "i'm going to fucking cum!"

"you're going to cum all over my cock, aren't you?"

"yes god! please let me- oh god!"

you couldn't even say a proper sentence, too focus on wanting to cum already. "cum for me, little girl." he ordered and you did, screaming his name once you reached it, body weakening. you tried to catch a breather, panting and sweating, whimpering too. "thank you.." you whispered and he chuckled, tilting his head.

"oh, did you think we were done?"

your eyes widened and he smirked, patting your cheek. he picked something up from the ground, sighing contently and looked at you. you saw the black object and your blurry vision made it out perfectly- his switchblade.

he got it out of the safety hold, seeing it shine perfectly. he examined your body and looked where to mark you, thinking. "this is going to hurt, but i'm sure you'll like it, hm?" he asked and you nodded, swallowing thickly, feeling the blade tip pressure on your skin. you inhaled sharply as you felt the blade carve into you and whimpered, frowning from the pain.

you waited until it was over, the cold tip leaving your stomach finally. you saw blood droplets and deeply exhaled, looking at the word.

_my little girl._

you liked being called his little girl. it made you feel soft and warm inside, even precious and special to him. the room was hot and smelt like sex, being picked up into kylo's arms in bridal style. "clean up time." he said and walked you to the bathroom, turning on the shower this time, your head resting on his chest.

it was the normal, gentle aftercare routine you loved- him washing you first, then himself, a few kisses here and there, covering you in the towel, and carrying you back to your bedroom.

he put some rubbing alcohol on the cut to make sure it didn't get an infection, changing you and himself into some clothing, and then covered the bed with a new thing of sheets. "how do your legs feel?" he asked and you shrugged, pouting.

"i know i'm gonna be sore by the morning."

"well, we need to get some rest. we have early rehearsal tomorrow." he reminded you and you nodded, getting under the blanket once your bed was fully made. he turned off the lights in your room, as the both of you stared outside the window and your back was against his chest, his arms around you, never letting go- his hold was safe and protective. you closed your eyes and sighed, already about to pass out.

the last thing you felt was a soft kiss on the back of your neck that was from kylo.


	10. chapter ten.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you are hesitate to tell ren about the movie. an invitation might just be the start of it all.

your phone rang and you groaned, lazily grabbing it. it was your alarm and you put it on snooze, realizing you were stuck. kylo had stayed and was practically snoring in your ear, impossible to get out of his arms.

"kylo, we have to get ready. it's time for rehearsals." you mumbled and kissed his forehead, getting his hair out of his face. he muffled something inaudibly, shaking his head and wanted to sleep instead. "kylo, c'mon. jones is going to get mad at us."

"five more minutes, princess."

you sighed and got out of his arms finally, covering him with the blanket. you decided to make some coffee, seeing rey already up and was looking through the mail, her reading glasses on. "oh, hey. i thought-"

"don't worry, babe. i saw pretty boy in your bed when i got home. you two are adorable together." she said and you smiled small, nodding. "by the way, you have mail."

"who is it from?"

she shrugged and tossed it your way, your fingers picking it up, looking at the address. it was from your grandparents, opening it and seeing it was a wedding invitation, of them renewing their vows. rey asked what it was and you showed her, chuckling.

"are you gonna go?"

"i mean, i have to. it's just, i'm busy with the show and i can't take time away from that. plus, kylo would have to study alone." you responded and stuffed the letter back into the envelope, making your cup of coffee. "don't worry about kylo. dude, it's your grandparents and you haven't even seen them face to face ever since you came to new york. they love you." she said and you sighed, waiting for your coffee to cool down.

"i know, but it's just this show is important and in a few days, i have to make the decision if i want to take the movie opportunity. so much is happening." you told her and poured creamer into your cup, lips in a thin line. "did you tell kylo about the movie?" she asked and you looked at her, shaking your head. "dude, you have to tell him! you can't just disappear out of his life like that!"

"i know, but we aren't dating or anything! we are friends."

"if you were really friends, he wouldn't be sleeping shirtless in your bed, all cozy next to you and holding you in his arms like his life depended on it. that isn't friends and friends don't look at each other the way you both do."

"and how exactly do we look at each other, cupid?"

she raised her brows, folding her hands together and smiled. "like if you two were each other's worlds. the way you smile at him, i haven't seen you smiled like that in such a while. he stares at you when you don't even notice it. even when he says your name, you melt into a puddle. everyone can see it, actually. it's not acting anymore. it's more than that." she replied and you took a sip of your coffee, thinking to yourself.

"but he doesn't want anything, rey. he doesn't want a relationship. i remember one time i asked him if he cared about me and he completely dodged the question."

"bro, he saved you from your ex. he is at your beck and call. maybe he's just scared." she said and you were confused, tilting your head. what could kylo ren be scared of?

"scared of what?"

"have you ever asked him about his past relationships? or what it was like for him growing up? anything at all?"

you puffed out your cheeks, combing your fingers through your tangly hair and shrugged. "he told me his father never supported his acting, only his mom did. not that much, if i am being honest." you said and she sighed, her face in her hands.

"there's my point. here is what's going to happen, one, you're going to tell kylo about the movie. second, you both will go to your grandparents wedding and discuss things there. lastly, make that decision about the movie. either way, you'll make it big one day. but remember, what's more important- your future or kylo ren?"

you nodded and finished your coffee, giving her a hug. "what would i do without, rey?" you mumbled and she chuckled, rubbing your back. "i don't know. i'm pretty fucking amazing." she told you and you pulled back, playfully punching her in the arm.

you heard a groan and you turned around, seeing kylo who was barley putting on his shirt, with his shoes already on. "i think you have something to tell him, don't you?" rey questioned you and you glared at her, shaking your head. once you looked back at kylo, you chuckled nervously and swallowed thickly, cheeks warming up.

"s-so, uh, listen- my uh, grandparents are renewing their vows next w-week and i-i was wondering if you want to, you know, j-join me? like if you don't w-want to it's totally cool." you stammered on your words from how awkward and nervous you had become, smiling weirdly. he raised a brow and crossed his arms over his chest, observing you up and down.

"when do we leave?" he wondered.

"tuesday. it's on thursday, but i know my grandparents will want to have breakfast with me the day before, so we have to go early! hope you have a nice suit to wear!" you exclaimed and laughed awkwardly, hearing rey facepalm herself. she didn't know how to exactly help you in these situations.

"will you be joining us, rey?" kylo asked and she shook her head, scoffing. "i hate weddings so much. they make me want to throw up. the only wedding i'll be attending is poe's and finn's." she said and took a sip of her honey tea, smiling.

"what about mine?" you asked and she froze, laughing. "totally.. if you only get married." she mumbled and you groaned, rolling your eyes, while she laughed.

"well, princess. i have to head back to my place to grab a few things, but i'll see you on the stage. stay safe." he said and kissed your forehead, nodding towards rey's direction. he disappeared in a blink, as you looked at rey who was looking at you as well.

" _princess?_ " she mocked and you whined loudly, pouting. she wanted to tease you for the petname, though it really warmed your heart and made you feel happy inside. "he calls you _princess_? you must be giving him really good head."

then you remembered last night.

"uh, i have to finish getting dressed and we'll go!" you ran to your bedroom, locking the door and lifted up your shirt to reveal your stomach. the word was still there. nice and clean, red and fresh. it wasn't big, but clear enough for anyone to see.

you didn't know if you wanted to kill him or kiss him for it. either way, you were very turned on by it.


	11. chapter eleven.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wealth, money, and public sex? dreamy as ever.

you and kylo were completely jet lagged from the whole trip from new york to san diego. he offered to pay for the room and made sure you didn't even buy plane tickets, due to the fact his uncle leant him the family private jet. you and kylo walked down the steps, suitcases in your hands and took in the fresh air of your hometown. the hometown you hated. a nice cadillac was waiting for you both, a man outside of it.

"mr. ren, so good to see you." the chauffeur said, grabbing yours and his suitcases, about in his fifties probably.  
"you as well, pryde." kylo responded and gave him a warm smile, pryde opening the door for you.

you got into the car with kylo, door being closed for you both. you had told jones that you wanted to take the movie offer, not just sure how to tell kylo about it. did he really care about you? or was he bored and knew he had your full attention and love, taking advantage of it? you didn't want to tell him, there was no reason to.

"where are we exactly staying at? it better not be a big penthouse suite." you whined out, frowning that he was spending enough money on you both. "somewhere, very nice. you deserve it, princess." he replied and grinned, eyes looking out the window. you could tell he's never been here, not even as a simple tourist or someone who just drove through. "so this is where your life begins, huh?"

"sadly, yeah. i hate it, but only here for my grandparents."

"i can't wait to meet them, i'm sure they're lovely people."

"my grandma loves to bake every single day or plant flowers. my grandpa reads the newspaper, hates technology and likes to sit outside to drink his tea." you told him and chuckled, smiling at the small thought of them. "plus, they're really supportive people. they treat rey and poe as their own grandchildren."

"how long have you known them for?"

"since sixth grade. i love them, very much. they've always been there."

he nodded and the car suddenly parked, your eyes melting when you saw a hotel that was very high class. you were dressed in sweats and a long sleeve, your converse being on- you didn't look proper for the setting at all.

kylo helped you out of the car, holding your hand all the way into the hotel and there was a nice bar, lounge spot, even an arcade. you wanted to visit the arcade more than the room.

"ah, mr. ren! such a pleasure to see you! your uncle misses you, very much." the man at the front desk said, handing him the key and helped the chauffeur with the luggage. you thanked them and gave them a big, bright smile, hoping it wasn't too hard for them.

"does your uncle own this hotel?" you asked, stepping into the elevator with him and he pushed the button to the last level, that was all the way at the top. "yes, and many more. he is a businessman, as i should say." he responded and you nodded, silence being created. it took a minute to reach the top, making a familiar ding when it finally did.

he let you out first, trailing behind you and was checking you out without you being aware of it, smirking to himself. "the room is this way." he directed you, a hand on your back that sent shivers down your spine and caused you to swallow thickly.

he put the key in, a green light blinking and he opened the door, being paralyzed suddenly when you saw how big the room was. it was bigger than your own apartment and you were shocked, looking at him. "kylo, how much was-"

"it's my uncle's. he is letting me use it while we are staying and there are no charges. he just wants me to have a good time."

you sighed and nodded, walking in. you put your purse on the chair, noticing there was even a kitchen and a whole city view of san diego. you checked the time on your phone, with it being barley the afternoon and your luggage finally came to the room, settled down on the couch.

once it was, you opened your suitcase, checking through your clothes and barley realized you forgot the most important outfit of all- the dress for the wedding. "fucking shit, i need to go buy a dress." you mumbled, annoyed, and grabbed your purse, sighing. "i'll come with you." kylo offered and you shook your head, patting his shoulder.

"you need to get some rest, ky. i'll be back, i promise."

"i'm not even tired and the champagne made me wide awake. let's go." he said and held your hand, never letting go of it. "the nearest mall is only a block or two away."

you nodded and you both made your way outside of the room, into and down the elevator, to the lobby and out of the hotel, walking straightforward to the mall. "just to warn you, i am kind of a picky person when it comes to finding a dress. i just need one that fits my figure perfectly." you mentioned and he understood, a small smile on his face.

you both never let go of each other's hand, fingers tightly interlocked and strolled in silence, checking out the view. most people feel excited when coming back home. for you, flashbacks would come back and you'd become numb- you just didn't want anything bad to happen, that's the last thing you needed.

walking into the mall, there wasn't a big crowd of people, simply just parents with their small children and many groups of teenagers. "oh! i know a good store! it has many good dresses but rarely anyone ever goes into it, which makes me upset." you recalled and lead yourselves to it, your hand finally slipping away from his. the store was how you expected it to be; few people in, music quietly playing and smelling like fresh lemon.

the lady at the front greeted you both and you started to look for a dress, smiling. "when was the last time you ever went shopping, princess?" he asked and you thought to yourself, shrugging. "with juilliard, social life and more, i don't have time for myself, but when i do, i just party." you said and sighed, finding a white silk, midi dress, eyes widening at it. "how does this one look, in your honest opinion?"

"beautiful. the color is simple, but outstanding. go try it on, and see for yourself." he suggested and you signaled your head for him to come with you, not finding it awkward yourself. "i might need your help with adjusting the straps, so."

he nodded and you led the way to the dressing room, sighing. he stood outside the door, waiting as you stripped out of your lazy clothing into the dress, doing couple of check outs of yourself, impressed with how it looked on you. "ky, look."

you opened the door and he looked at you, eyes softening, examining you head to toe, grinning. "gorgeous as always, sweetheart." he complimented, and you noticed the straps were slightly falling off your shoulders, asking for his help.

he got into the dressing room, closing the door behind him and he fixed them, looking at them while you looked at him, your heart racing. his large hands could barley change the straps, very focused on them and his hands dropped, finally comfortable with the result.

you looked in the mirror and he stood behind you, looking at your ass. his arms wrapped around your waist, hands going down to the end of the dress, slightly lifting it up. "kylo, not here, we're in public.." you muttered and he chuckled wickedly in your ear, bringing one hand up, grasping his fingers tightly on your throat.

"sorry, darling. i can't help myself, you just look so fucking beautiful. it makes me want to ruin you again." he teased and his hot breath touched your skin with every single word he spoke, hand releasing your throat. "let's make your own little movie, right here and right now. with your pretty mouth around my cock or as i fuck your pretty cunt."

you whimpered and luckily, there was a small seating spot where you could put your clothes at, enough room for you both. you turned around and faced kylo, smashing your lips onto his. you both moaned into each other's mouth, your hands running through his hair and gently tugged onto it, whining.

he pulled away and turned you back around, hands on the mirror, bending you over. he lifted up the dress, dropping down your panties and legs spread, the cold air touching your cunt. you heard him unbuckle his belt and fiddle with his clothing, smirking. in the mirror, you saw him having his phone out and you whimpered from the thought of him recording what was happening, only for him to get off to it later.

"look at yourself in the mirror as i fuck you, princess. see how desperate and pathetic you look while you take my cock perfectly. and remember, be quiet."

he slipped into you, cursing under your breath and he quietly hissed, thrusting into you at a medium pace, one hand on your hip, the other filming. he bounced you back on him, allowing you to do the work and tried to continue to look at yourself in the mirror, mouth hanging open.

noises wanted to escape but you refused to let them, biting your lip. "pretty little thing you are, doll." he muttered and your eyes rolled back the moment his tip hit the right spot, a soft moan leaving your mouth. your eyes rolled back and squirmed, breathing heavy. "you're my little girl, aren't you? say it."

"i-i'm your little girl- holy fuck, ky."

his hand that was on your hip, was now traveling up to your stomach, fingertips touching the engraved word he had put into your skin a week back. it was still there and it made him hum, nodding. "if i had a my switchblade with me right now, i'd put so much more filthy words into your skin." he told you and your head hung down, legs trembling. "cum for me, dollface."

you instantly did, covering your mouth with one hand and gasped into it, eyes rolling back. he got out of you, spinning you around and dropping you to your knees. he wasn't done filming yet.

you sucked him off and gave him doe, innocent eyes, looking into his and to the camera, whining quietly. his chest rose up and down in a fast motion, slightly throwing his head back. without a warning or anything, he came into your mouth, a pop noise being made once his cock was out of it.

you swallowed his climax and you both immediately adjusted yourselves, fixing your clothing. you put back on your regular clothes, and wiped your mouth clean, shyly looking at kylo.

you both walked out of the dressing room like as if nothing had happened.


	12. chapter twelve.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when the truth of kylo ren comes out little by little, you try to understand him.

it was the morning of the next day, getting dressed for breakfast that you were going to have with your grandparents at their home. you didn't know how exactly you were going to introduce kylo, because you knew they would ask if he was your boyfriend.

you finished brushing up your teeth, and wiped your mouth with a towel, looking into the mirror. you were nervous and anxious, you hadn't seen them in over a year and you had so much to tell them, even about the movie.

"kylo, are you ready?" you asked and he came out of the bedroom, putting on his white shirt lastly, matching with his black denim jeans and boots. you swore you never once saw him wear a green or red shirt, nor blue jeans. he nodded and you grabbed your purse, adjusting your cherry printed wrapped dress, sighing contently.

you both headed out of the suite and into the elevator, tapping your foot on the white tile when standing inside of it. "also, my grandparents over bake when it comes to having another person joining me, so if they ask if you want another pancake, take the pancake. it will make their day." you mentioned and he hummed in response, hands in his pockets, as always.

the elevator doors opened and he held your hand when walking to the car, the door opened for you both by pryde. you got in comfortably after kylo did and the door closed, pressing the side of your forehead onto the window, the car driving off.

"are you okay, darling?"

"mhm. it's just been a while."

nothing else was said on your way to your grandparent's home, silence fulfilling the car. you noticed the car ride was quick as the vehicle was already parked in front of their house, the engine turning off after a minute. it was simple- one story, painted blue on the outside, different types of flowers growing and their beige vintage volkswagen parked in the driveway. "here we go." you muttered and got out of the car with the help of pryde, inhaling sharply.

your heart was pounding against your chest, palms sweaty and fixed yourself up one more time. "you ready?" kylo whispered and you nodded, both of you walking up to the wooden porch, your fist softly knocking on the door, ringing the doorbell once.

"oh honey! i think it's her!" you heard your grandma yell and you chuckled, the door opening wide. "my sweet girl!" she exclaimed and pulled you into a tight, long hug. you were slightly taller than her, kissing the top of her head. "you've grown so much, dear. my goodness!"

you smiled widely and thanked her, eyeing her to kylo. "oh, and you must be her good friend! come on in, breakfast is ready!" she cheered and you two stepped in, kylo closing the door once you were both in.

your grandpa walked to you at his own comfortable pace, his warm arms hugging you. "you look so lovely, sweetheart." he muttered and you kissed his cheek, pulling back. once he saw kylo, he chuckled and extended his hand, introducing himself and your grandma.

kylo shook his hand and thanked him for welcoming him into their home. "well son, if you're a good friend of granddaughter, than you're a good friend of ours!" he told him and laughed, kylo actually breaking out into a wide smile. you never seen him smile this bright, and you could tell his body language switched. he wasn't as tense or intimidating, as usual. he seemed comfortable and happy. "let's all sit together, please."

you and kylo sat next to each other, across from where your grandparents were sitting. your grandma settled the plates in front of everyone, than every single breakfast dish, even your favorite- cinnamon rolls. once everything was in place, she joined her husband and everyone dived in, grabbing enough of each thing.

"so honey, tell us about juilliard! we want to know everything!" your grandma spoke happily, eating a few small bites of her pancake. "it's amazing! as always, i've gotten every lead role and the journey has been amazing. kylo and i are actually the leads in the new play, romeo and juliet." you responded and both their eyes went wide, congratulating you both for the accomplishment.

"kylo, how long have you been at juilliard?" your grandpa asked and you side-eyed kylo, plopping few blueberries into your mouth. "for about a month now, sir. i actually transferred from columbia university." kylo answered and your grandpa seemed impressed, nodding.

"what did you study at columbia?" he asked once more.

"law. yes, i have my degree in it. i transferred to juilliard since acting has always been my true passion, but since my father didn't support it, i had to wait."

everyone nodded, with you knowing the story back of your hand. "you know what was so ironic when i heard your name, son? i remember this old acquittance of mine, he passed years ago, but he had a son named kylo too. what was his name again, hun?" your grandpa asked your grandma and she thought, humming to herself quietly. you looked at kylo, who's hands started to tense, swallowing thickly and face went pale.

"oh! it was snoke! snoke ren!" she told him and he nodded, remembering suddenly. "that's so crazy. you both have the same last name, and the same first name as his son. we have no idea what happened to him after snoke died."

"where is the bathroom?" kylo asked and stood up, using the napkin to clean up around his mouth a bit.

"uh, down the hall, to the right and first door on your left." you said and he nodded, disappearing in a second. you were worried about him. something changed in him when he heard the name snoke. "i think he may had something bad to eat, maybe a bit allergic."

"ah, it's alright! but we have something to asked you." your grandma began, and you placed down your cup of orange juice, raising a brow. "we were wondering if you wanted to speak at the wedding! just a little something."

you smiled and nodded, knowing it was an awesome idea of theirs. "of course, i'd love to!" you responded and you all were smiling, hearing your phone make a ding. you excused yourself and looked at the screen, seeing a message from kylo to come to the bathroom. luckily, the bathroom was right next door to your old room. "um, hey! is it okay if i go grab a few things from my bedroom? it'll be quick!"

"yes yes, of course! just be back to help me with the dishes and cleaning, please." your grandma said and you nodded, thanking them for the wonderful breakfast. you speed-walked to the bathroom, knocking on the door and mumbled kylo's name. "open, ren. it's me."

he did so and pulled you inside, locking the door immediately. "what happened? what's wrong? are you okay?" you questioned worriedly and he sighed, rubbing his face with his hands. "they said something that triggered a memory, didn't they?"

"listen, what i'm about to tell you, you have to promise me it stays between us." he said and you nodded, sitting yourself on the sink counter. "snoke ren is my real father. he died from a planned suicide- an overdose, when i was about five. when he did, i was instantly put into the foster system and that's when han and leia adopted me as their own. they didn't like my name, giving me the name ben solo."

your heart ached and tears stung your eyes, but inhaled and pulled yourself together easily. "when i turned eighteen, i legally changed my name to kylo ben solo ren, and it's always been that ever since. they wanted ben solo to be this perfect, smart son of theirs and i never was that. i did have high grades, but it was too make them happy. that's why i freaked out when your grandfather said snoke. my dad left me." he finished and his forehead was scrunched up from his raised eyebrows, a vulnerable expression planted on his face.

_you weren't the only one with daddy issues._

"hey hey, it's okay. i'm sure your dad would've been proud of you either way. i got you now, kylo. i will take care of you." you reassured and brought him into a hug, kissing his forehead. he exhaled deeply and nodded, getting out of your arms after a few seconds. "let's head back. i have to help my grandma with the cleaning."

he agreed and you both got out, feeling his lips pressed against your cheek. you smiled and blushed, patting his back.

you weren't alone after all.


	13. chapter thirteen.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> happiness doesn't stick too long in your life. what could happen at this wedding?

it was finally the day. you and kylo got to the venue an hour early to help out with things, and for you to help your grandma with her makeup. you were excited yourself, to see how much their love for each other has grown over years of being together and what they've gone through.

"ma, we pluck the eyebrows to get a good shape!" you whined out and your grandma didn't want anymore of the tweezer, rubbing her eyebrows. you sighed and put them down, nodding. "go check on your boyfriend." she mumbled.

"oh, he's not my boyfriend, grandma. we're just, close friends. best friends." you said, biting the inside of your cheek and started to wonder if kylo felt the same as you did for him. "but i'll be back! alexis, help her with the lipstick options!" you told her closest friend, before leaving the room and headed outside, the wind being breezy. the sun was about an hour or two away from a sunset and you could easily hear the ocean waves, bringing you peace.

you turned your head and found kylo at the bar, drinking scotch. you sat down next to him and shook your head at the bartender, not in the mood for one. "hey, you okay?" you asked and he shrugged, taking another sip.

"i couldn't sleep last night after hearing about my dad. i don't really know." he mumbled and looked at you, lips in a thin line. "you look pretty."

"okay, no more drinking until we get back to the hotel, and you don't need a hangover. when we get back to the room, we have to continue going over the lines or jones will kill us." you said and he sighed, sliding the cup forward to the bartender. you grabbed his hand and stroked it with your thumb, kissing the side of his forehead, both of you standing up.

minutes passed and guests started to come, surprised to see you, asking you and kylo questions about juilliard, or if you two were in a relationship. every time someone asked if he was dating you, he'd just smile and shake his head, politely denying it. he wasn't too anxious, getting to know your family easily or playing with your little cousins. you found it adorable that he was so good with kids.

you were watching him play around with them more, until there was a tap on your shoulder. you turned around and your eyes went into surprise, squealing. "rey! what are you doing here?" you asked and hugged you tightly, both laughing together. she was in her a white suit, blazer, tucked in shirt and pants, her sunglasses on, red lipstick coating her lips. "well, your grandma wanted me to come and i took the last flight here. besides, i was third wheeling with poe and finn, hated every second of it." she answered and you pulled away, nodding. "ah, pretty boy is good with children. he's a good person."

he started to play tag with them, laughing with the kids and you frowned, your hand over your heart. "how are you, by the way? with all this?" she asked and you shrugged, wrapping your cardigan around yourself more when the cold wind rushed through.

"fine, i guess. a lot of bad memories come when i'm here, that's why i got out of this damn place." you responded and sighed, chewing onto your lower lip. a bell was heard and soft, classical orchestra music started to play, signaling everyone it was time to get seated. you sat in between rey and kylo in the front row, a small smile on your face.

you've always like the idea of weddings. it made you smile a lot and got to see two people confess their love for each other. you sat there, rey recording the whole thing and cheering on your grandpa who was standing there, embarrassed from her.

everyone stood once your grandma started walking down the aisle, a bouquet of yellow tulips in her hands and you teared up, smiling at her. her eyes were focused on her husband, everybody going back to sitting once they were across from each other.

rey grabbed a small bottle of rum out of her purse, still recording and taking a drink. "wwoooo! you go girl!" she cheered and you facepalmed yourself, taking away her phone. "what? they're so cute.."

you sighed and shook your head, putting her phone into your own bag. the wedding went on for about twenty minutes, everyone, except kylo and few others, in tears from their beautiful vows. they also mentioned your name in their vows, thanking you for being the reason they stayed close and strong.

"you may now kiss the bride!" the priest announced, and your grandma threw the tulips, rey reaching for it first, booing at everyone else and you watched your grandparents kiss each other so passionately. everyone stood and clapped, smiling proudly at them. they hugged you before making their way to the inside of the venue, all eyes on them.

"well, that was beautiful. this is the first time i've been to a wedding." kylo told you and you raised a brow, surprised and shocked. "really?" you muttered and he nodded, adjusting his full black suit a little. everyone went separate directions of the outside and inside, sitting down or grabbing food. rey was gone in a second, probably grabbing a margarita and ready to party like the night would never end, soon coming back to you and kylo.

"hey, i'm going to go grab myself some water, you want anything?" you asked kylo and he shook his head, kissing your forehead. you nodded and made your to the bar area, sitting down on the white stool. "cold water in a cup, please."

the bartender nodded, while getting others drinks. you sat there for a few minutes, waiting patiently and sighed, the orchestra music still playing slowly and lightly.

it was starting to get cold and you wish you brought an extra pair of clothing for when the night would come.

someone sat next to you, but you didn't bother to look at them, thinking it was probably an older cousin of yours or a friend of your grandparents.

"hey kid, you've grown up." the voice. it sounded familiar. too close to home and you heard it your entire life. your heart started to race and you swallowed thickly, slowing turning your head, eyes widening, heart dropping to your stomach. everything felt scary and cold, suddenly.

"d-dad?"


	14. chapter fourteen.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a past figures appears back into your life, with you and ren seeing a new side to one another.

he just smiled and your body started to fill with fear, shaking almost. "you look just like your mom." he muttered and the bartender finally handed you your drink, your eyes still stuck on the man who you haven't talked to or even faced in years. "look kid, i'm-"

"don't apologize. don't you even dare fucking apologize. what the actual fuck are you doing here, you fucking prick?" you asked and couldn't control your dirt mouth, in complete shock that he was right next to you.

"i was invited. they are my parents, and wanted me to be here. they told me you'd be here, but i didn't think you'd have guests with you. who's the boy?"

"none of your fucking business. stay the hell away from me." you said and threw your cup of water into his face, storming into the venue building, slamming the door behind you. your dad had chased you inside, grabbing your wrist and you yelped, his strong grip being familiar too. "let go of me!"

"just let me explain, please!"

"explain what, dad? how you were such an abusive asshole? how you fucking traumatized me as a kid? how you left so many bruises on me everyday? can you fucking explain all of that?!" you yelled and he finally let go of you, sighing.

"i know i can't make up for all of that, but i've changed and i found god."

"god? you found fucking god?! where was god when i needed him when you threw mom into the closet while you were fucking beating my ass until i could barley see or breathe? where was god when i needed someone to save me away from your monster ass? where was he, huh?! nowhere because he doesn't fucking exist and just because you found this mythical person, doesn't mean you've changed!" you shouted on the top of your lungs, tears falling down your cheeks and knew people outside could hear you.

"stop yelling at me! i am still your father!"

"no you're not! you were never my father to begin with! the only real parent i had was mom and she's fucking gone! she got fucking shot!"

"you think i don't remember she is dead? i visit her grave every month!" he started to shout back and you scoffed, shaking your head in disbelief. "i really wish it was you instead who went to the fucking store that day. you were the one who was suppose to die, not her." you said and rolled your eyes, sniffling. "you're the reason why i'm like this. i hate you."

"and you have every right to hate me. i'm sorry."

"sorry doesn't fix everything."

"i made mistakes, sweetheart. i'm sorry. i just want to make up for all those things."

"this is real life, dad! you don't get to restart things when you make mistakes! mistakes that are unfixable or you can't even take back! they were more than just mistakes!" you told him and he stood there, his head hung down. he was still taller than you, even when you had heels on and you could still see the same man who hurt you as a child. you needed a protecter and he wasn't one.

you wiped away your tears and from over your dad's shoulder, you saw kylo. he was tense and could hear the pain in your voice. you didn't know how long he was there for, but it must have been for a while since he was more than angry.

"k-kylo." you muttered and walked over to him, looking into his eyes. he didn't look at yours, only looked at your dad who turned around and saw the two of you.

"you.." kylo started off and you had to hold him back, since you saw his hands were now in fists. "kylo, hey hey. just look at me." you mumbled and grabbed his hands with your face, forcing him to look into your eyes, shaking your head. "he's not even worth it. i'm okay."

kylo breathing was even scaring you- it was fast, heavy and his nostrils flared. his fists wouldn't unclench and his target was your dad. "i'm not going to hurt him. i just want to talk to him. go outside and enjoy the party with rey." he told you and you trusted him with what he said, nodding. you kissed his cheek and didn't even want to look at your dad anymore, leaving them alone.

you walked back outside and rey was dancing with your older cousin to one of rihanna's songs, a new thing of margarita in her hand. the sun was slowly starting to set and you sighed, letting her be. you sat back down at the bar, feeling alone and had a bad feeling about kylo talking to your dad, hoping it wouldn't get violent. kylo knew to not ruin your grandparent's big day.

you bit the inside of your cheek and everyone was having a good time, your dad ruining yours. you couldn't handle the expectational thoughts in your head, going back to inside the venue, but wanted to keep a safe distance, deciding to stay in between of the inside and outside, keeping the door slightly open to hear them.

"you think you can really take care of my own daughter, better than i ever did?" your dad questioned kylo and scoffed, nodding. "yeah, i actually do. you never actually took care of her, to begin with." he shot back and grinned, hands in his pockets. you peeked a bit, chewing onto your lower lip and felt anxious.

"either way son, she's a little bit too much to actually handle or take care."

"oh my god, you and xavier say the same stupid, nonsense shit about her! she is fucking human! she has problems and mistakes, everyone does! even if she is a lot to handle, you're the reason why she is like that! you are the one who fucking ruined her life!"

"you don't know a single thing about me!" your dad yelled and kylo chuckled bitterly, rolling his eyes. "you want to hear how well i know her? when she was six years old, she drew a colored picture of my head sliced off! she always threw rocks at windows! she nearly set the house on fire once! the last time i called her, she told me about her mental health- she's a clinically depressed, psychotic bitch with all issues to herself!"

you heard a hard punch. you gasped and opened the door widely, seeing kylo hovering over your dad who had fallen. he couldn't control himself, giving him a few more hard punches. "kylo!" you screamed and he turned around, eyes softening.

"m-my love─"

you didn't know if wanted to cry or scream more. you shook your head and your dad was groaning, blood coming out of his nose. kylo's knuckles would be bruised soon.

you threw your purse and heels at him, making a quick run out of the venue and away from it, tears pouring down your cheeks.

kylo screamed your name but you were deaf to it, pain fulfilling you. he left your dad there on the ground and ran out to get rey, grabbing her free hand. "she ran!" he told her over the loud music and saw his knuckles, sighing.

"kylo, what did you do?" she asked in disbelief and handed your cousin her drink, walking with him. "do you have _any_ idea what you've done?"

he sighed and shook his head, both of them going into the venue to grab your things you carelessly disposed. they left your dad there, rey being in disgust when she saw him and started to ring your phone. you didn't answer.

"kylo, i've known her for so many years. whatever her dad told you, may be true. i love her to death and she's like a sister to me, honest to god, but for what you did, it'll be hard for her to forgive you. she may hate him, but she has a big heart and she still cares about him, despite everything her father did to her." she explained and they were away from the party in minutes, stopping both of them in their tracks, looking at him. "i know where she may be at. but when you approach, be careful and easy. she'll be in a very vulnerable state of mind."

he nodded and went to location that rey mentioned, preparing for what would happen next.


	15. chapter fifteen.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you find yourself falling for kylo ren, and confessing your true feelings for him, you find out his intentions.

you were sitting on the park bench, eating sour gummy worms and being barefoot, looking at the sad playground. this park had too much memories here.

you heard the leaves crunch from someone's foot, detecting who's sound it was. "go away, ky. i come here to be alone." you mumbled and ate another gummy, his presence sitting next to you. he stared at you, but your eyes were locked on the structure. "did rey send you here?"

"she only told me you'd be here. it was my choice if i wanted to come or not." he replied and you sighed, handing him a gummy worm, placing the bag on your lap. "what's so special about this park, hm? tell me that."

"my mom use to take me here as a kid. she'd push me on the swing or play hide 'n seek with me. we would even have our own little picnics together. but this is also where i had my first kiss. i'd come here every late night to think and cry. it's just, this park holds so much different meanings to me." you told him and he nodded, looking at the playground with you.

"i want to know more. what is your biggest fear?"

"failure."

"that's impossible. failure is a natural thing, not a fear. i know it's something else." he said and you chuckled, smiling small. you forgot how well he even knew you.

"being alone and forgotten. that's what my life has always been. even when my grandparents took me in, that was still my biggest fear and feeling. i hate it." you confessed and you both finally stared into each other's eyes, with them speaking emotions too. "just for once, i want someone to take away that fear of mine, and tell me, they're here. they won't leave me like my mom and dad did. that they won't let anyone ever hurt me."

your eyes turned away from his and sighed, looking down. "as long as i'm here, no one will hurt you. you're safe with me. i won't let anyone or anything ever hurt you. i will protect you." he said and you nodded, hoping he would keep to his word. the flashback to him punching your dad ran into your mind. you saw someone different─ he was brutal, violent and full of anger. that wasn't protection, as you thought.

"can you protect me from yourself?" you asked and side-eyed him, biting your lip. he pushed a strand of hair behind your ear, no smile on his face and nodded, kissing your forehead. "okay. i trust you."

the eye contact was full and wouldn't break, completely mesmerized by each other. it was silent, but each other's thoughts were loud and lips were parted, the cold wind pushing through, sun already set. you didn't want to say it, because of rejection or ruining everything, especially this moment.

you would have to admit─ he was beautiful. handsome. captivating. a month ago, he was a new stranger in your life and now, he was your protecter. someone you love and adore. he cared, but wouldn't say it. why wouldn't he say it?

"kylo."

"hm?"

"kiss me."

he leaned in slowly and both lips glued together, moving in a slow sync. both of your hands were on his cheeks, cupping them and this kiss had emotion. an emotion you'd never felt. his lips were now speaking on yours, hands combing your hair and holding you close to him. you slowly pulled away and faces were only a few inches apart, looking in each other's soft, desperate eyes.

"please say it.." kylo whispered. you knew what he meant and pressed his forehead onto yours, getting in closer to your face to the point you could feel his breath touch your skin. you were scared to. you didn't know if it this love was true love, infatuation or puppy love. you had to trust yourself, for once, on this one.

"i love you."

he smiled, a toothy smile and nodded, kissing the tip of your nose. "what else do you want to know?" you asked and his smile slowly dissolved, sitting back against the bench and shrugged.

"is everything your dad told me true?"

you nodded.

"so, do you take any medication or?"

you nodded again.

"are you okay?"

you shrugged. what was it like to be okay? you didn't know. you just knew if you weren't crying or having a breakdown, then you were okay.

you both put your attention on the playground, and behind it was a small, abandoned motel. the one you spent your childhood days in with your mom when you both needed to get away from your dad.

"god, i fucking hate that motel." you mumbled and he chuckled, pulling out a cigarette box from his pocket, along with his lighter. "it's so sad, and old. i hate it."

kylo lit up his cigarette and put it between his lips, letting the tobacco consume his lungs. "for a girl with such a bright personality on the outside, you're very low in the mind." he told you and you scoffed, raising your brows in agreement. "are you able to walk barefoot?"

"depends. did rey take my purse and shoes?"

"yeah. and they're at our hotel room. c'mon." he said and allowed you to jump on his back, your legs wrapping his torso tightly and arms loose around his neck. you rested your chin on his shoulder and he walked you both to the motel, then side stairway of it. there was graffiti everywhere and were sure homeless people lived inside it. though the motel was small, the height of it was huge.

he walked inside of the motel and took the emergency staircase to the top of the building. he wanted you to see something.

you were light as a feather on his back and when you finally reached the top, he carefully put you down onto your feet. you both could see the whole city of your hometown. "you want me to say the brutal truth, angel? i could say it and it may break your heart, but sometimes the truth is what you need to hear." he said and you sighed, shrugging. you like harsh truths and what people really needed to say. it gave you leverage in life. "you come from nothing. you're nothing."

"wow, what a nice-"

"but not to me." he was finished with his cigarette, tossing it to the ground and smushed it away to nothing. "you're more than something to me."

you teared up and sniffled, feeling cold. he took off his blazer and covered you with it, kissing the side of your head. "i asked you one time if you cared about me, and you didn't answer. why didn't you?" you questioned.

"it's hard to care for someone. when you care for someone, and you show them it, or even tell them, they'll leave."

"kylo, what are we? are we just friends?"

"it's crazy what you'd for a friend." he muttered to himself and chuckled, looking at you. "want another truth?"

you nodded and he got closer to you, an arm around your waist, tugging you closer to his body. his body temperature was warm, his hold around you was strong and protective. it was hard to hold eye contact with him.

"you'll always be my little girl. i do want more than that, but it's hard." he said and you understood quite perfectly, sighing. "i told you to say it because i needed to hear a truth myself."

"b-but i don't want to be your friend. i don't want to be only your little girl. i want something."

"that something is a relationship, right?" he asked and you nodded, chewing onto your lower lip. "give me time. i don't know how long, but i heard, if you truly love someone, you're willing to wait, and i hope you can."

if you had to wait a whole lifetime, you would do it. you just wanted him, but when you want something, certain things apply and this was one of them.


	16. chapter sixteen.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mile high club and champagne. to end it all, a envelope that holds the truth of kylo ren.

you, rey and kylo were on the private jet, your best friend being passed out on the small bed that was provided, snoring loudly. you and kylo sat across from each other, scripts in both your hands, rehearsing the last pages of the play. the big showcase was only two weeks away. two weeks away from being gone, and you still hadn't told kylo. how could you, though? it was impossible.

the comfortable silence put ease on you two, eyes scanning each line and you barley had notice kylo was staring at you, not in your eyes though. he was checking you out.

"can i help you, ren?"

kylo shrugged and bit his lip, running his fingers though his wavy hair. you rolled your eyes and cheeks puffed out, ignoring his tension on you. "come sit." he mumbled and patted his lap, grinning. you shook your head and chuckled, eyes never leaving the paper. "princess. come sit, now."

"ren, i'm studying and you should be too."

"i can't study when you look so beautiful in that dress, and i can slightly see your laced panties." he teased and you put down your script on the side table. he hummed and fingers rubbed his chin in thought, your body being a muse to him. "panties off, legs spread."

"what? kylo-"

"did i fucking stutter?"

you sighed and obeyed, taking off your panties, curling them in your hand. you spread your legs and he got closer to you, tugging up your dress to your stomach. "what do you think i should do, hm? want me to pound your filthy cunt?" he asked and you hummed, nodding. you pressed your thighs together, creating friction and looked at him shyly. you were scared rey would hear you both.

he stole your underwear out of your hand, yanking you up and dragged you to the bathroom with him, locking the door behind you two. kylo shoved the fabric into your mouth as a gag, smirking at the sight of you and placed you on the sink, legs spread wide.

his hand fondled your cunt, his lips planting soft kisses on your neck, his other hand working on his lower clothing. he pulled his hand back from your area and without a single warning, he thrusted into you. it was rough, desperate and fast, your noises being quietly muffled from your panties.

kylo cursed under his breath, your hands gripping onto the edge of the sink counter and eyes rolled back. his hand gripped your jaw, using his other to rip the panties out of your mouth. your mouth hung open and he spat in it, a strong smack across your cheek. "fucking filthy." he muttered and you whimpered, nodding. "be a good whore for me and say my title."

"d-daddy." you whispered, the fear of rey waking up from both yours and kylo's lewd sounds. "louder. fucking scream it, if you have to." he spat and your chin dipped in, eyes focusing on his cock pounding into you.

"k-kylo, k-ky! daddy!" you shouted as your climax formed, nails clawing into the furniture. "fuck, i'm gonna cum!" you continued to roar, and you didn't care of asking kylo for permission, both of you coming together. he cursed once more and bit his lip, slipping out of you.

white liquid dripped out of your hole, kylo grabbing a hand towel off the rack and watered it, cleaning you both off. it took you both two or three minutes to finally calm down and adjust yourselves properly, heading back to your seats, acting clueless.

surprisingly, rey was still asleep, snoring loudly and cuddling the pillow. you chuckled and didn't notice that the jet would land in a little bit, packing up all your things into your backpack. you shook rey and she rushed up, looking around. "hey! you woke me up from my dream of kissing chris evans!" she whined and pouted, furrowing her brows.

"well, we're home finally, so get up." you told her and she groaned, nodding. it took her a while to fully be awake and energetic again, taking the alcohol from the small bar on the jet. she drank a little sip of the wine, moaning in satisfaction and smiled. "now this taste like rich." she mumbled and you laughed, patting her head.

the jet finally landed and everyone was getting out of it quickly, wanting to get back to their beds. there was two cars waiting. "i'll see you tomorrow, mkay? take care, doll." kylo last said, kissing your forehead before going into his own cadillac and was gone too soon.

the chauffeur got the luggage and you sat in the other cadillac with your best friend, looking out the window. you didn't even realize the car was in motion. you were thinking back to last night, and wanted to cry. you said that word and just wish he said it back. you thought to yourself and wondered if he would only say it back if he felt that way. he clearly didn't.

you didn't know if you were an idiot for falling, collapsing perhaps. you just didn't want to lose him. you did feel a connection with him. a strong force, possibly. you weren't so sure anymore.

you were snap out of your rambling thoughts when the car parked and your eyes saw your apartment building. you got out of the car with rey and the man offered to carry your luggage all the way to your apartment, but you refused it. "thank you, kind sir." you said and he smiled, your hands grabbing your own luggage.

outside of the apartment main entrance, was xavier. you weren't scared, this time. you were actually ready to murder the dude. "xavier, fuck off or i'll cut off your nut sack!" rey yelled and he had a large, orange envelope in his hand, a smug smile on his face.

"i need to talk to you." he said and you scoffed, dropping your luggage on the side of you the second you were face to face with him, tilting to your head.

"rey, take my luggage. i'll be up in a few after i take care of this moron." you told her and she death-glared at him, sighing. she willingly took your luggage and pushed passed xavier, leaving you both alone.

"what do you want now? was kylo's threat not enough? or his beating?" you asked and crossed your arms over your chest, shaking your head.

"this is actually about him." he said and gave you the envelope, your eyes locking onto it. it was kind of thick, heavy. you were scared to look inside of it, kylo's full name printed on it. "before you think he is _so_ perfect, i think you should take a deep look. i know you've been curious. even about the money he has, or expensive car he owns."

he was right. you've been curious about kylo's life, and you never the one to be snoopy, but this time, you had to. you knew kylo's wouldn't give you answers himself. "did you hire that private investigator?" you questioned and he nodded, surprised you were holding the envelope. "what's in here?"

"everything you need to know." he muttered and walked away, leaving you standing there, both hands holding the small package.

it was time for you to find out who kylo ren was.


	17. chapter seventeen.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> confrontation may be more troubling than you thought.

your last 24 hours consisted of rereading every single document on kylo ren, or looking at pictures of him. rey kept you alone in your room for those hours, only coming in to bring you food or wine, something to ease your mind.

you wanted to cry. you wanted to punch kylo in the face. but he was just like you. too much like you. you didn't go to juilliard, promising jones you'd be there tomorrow but were just jet lagged and homesick from the whole travel.

rey knocked on your door, allowing her to come in. "it's him." she told you, your eyes lifting up from the document. "do you want me to shoo him off?"

kylo had been trying to reach you the entire day, but you shut off your phone. you needed to fully process the man in the papers. "no no, let him in. be prepared with your pepper spray, though." you responded and she nodded, leaving you alone for a few seconds.

papers and pictures were scattered all over your bed. pictures of other girls leaving his apartment. too many things. the whole truth of kylo ren laid beneath your eyes. heavy footsteps approached your room and you looked back up, kylo closing the door behind him.

"don't sit. don't even speak, unless i tell you to. don't even fucking breathe right now, hold your breath." you spat and he raised a brow, completely confused. you had to catch a breather real quick, rubbing your face. "elaborate, princess." he muttered and sat on the edge of your bed, looking at you. you didn't want to look back at him.

"when i came home, xavier handed me an envelope. he hired a private investigator to get details and informations on you for me to see." you said and he chuckled, finding it amusing. he wasn't angry or even the slightest mad. he was calm, _too_ calm. he didn't say much, only his eyes shooting back and forth of the papers and your face. "so you know _everything_ then, i'm assuming?" he questioned and you scoffed, nodding.

"i know everything i need to know about you!" you shouted and he leaned in closer to your face, observing it for emotions. "you do?" he asked and you shivered, staring into his eyes finally, heart racing. "ah, you do."

he pulled back and nodded, fingers picking up a single document, reading it. "kylo ren's uncle, luke skywalker, runs a mob, the jedi order. kylo ren is the heir of it, taking in control the moment luke passes. digging in deeper, kylo ren has decided to change the name to the first order, with luke skywalker agreeing." kylo read off the paper and he nodded again, putting down the page.

"is it true?"

"of course. i have no reason to lie to you."

you hummed, picking up another paper for yourself. "kylo ren has been in and out of juvenile hall starting at the age of ten years old. he would get in violent fights with kids at his school, nearly killing one. he has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. his behavior levels over the years have shown increase in his anger, punching and damaging objects with his bare fists." you read as well and in the corner of your eye, you saw kylo tensing up. now, he was angry.

"you can stop now."

"this is my favorite part, really! kylo ren even threatened to kill his adoptive father, saying he wanted to plunge a knife into his own stomach!"

"i said stop!" kylo roared and rey came bursting in, shaking her head. "time for you to go, you fuck." she said, having the pepper spray in her hand. "rey, i'm fine. we're fine." you muttered and she sighed, leaving right away.

you tried to not cry from his yelling, biting down on your tongue and sniffled, pointing at a picture. "you trade weapons? what kind of mafia is this? i don't understand. kylo, why attend juilliard when you already have a future planned out for you?" you asked and he didn't bother to even look at the picture, his eyes staring outside the window.

"it's not the future i want. luke skywalker, he is my adoptive mother's brother, and she is aware of it all, since she is involved in it too. my adoptive dad, doesn't care much for it, but has issues with luke because he rather have a son attending college and getting a real job, then being a dangerous gang." he explained and your fingers grabbed his jaw, forcing him to look at you.

"who are you the girls in the pictures?"

"business partners."

you groaned. "are you a fucking idiot?"

"maybe, maybe not. but i'm only in it for the money. how do you think i can afford such things? i get a transaction about fifty thousand a week. my plan is murder luke skywalker and i run the mob in secret. and to your ex, i'm blowing his brains out." he threatened and got up, collecting the entire file of him together.

"you're going to murder him?" you stood up with him, gripping his wrist tightly and he nodded, not giving a shit. "does that affect you, princess? that i'm going to kill your gaslighting, abusive ex boyfriend?" he interrogated and you kept your mouth closed, shrugging. "it shouldn't bother you a single bit."

you let go of his wrist and shook your head, not knowing what to do. "don't kill him, please. yeah, he fucked up but he's human for god sake, kylo. and, just forget about your uncle's whole mob and become a new person. let the past die." you told him and he was the one to scoff now, rolling his eyes. "become someone better."

"you don't fucking get it." he muttered and was starting to face away from you. "really? try me." you said and waited there for him to say something. "consequences happen if i don't accept this. bad ones." he replied.

"you can't be a practical ring leader and a future actor at the same time!"

"it's hidden in the shadows."

"hidden in the shadows? kylo, that investigator knows!" you yelled and his foot tapped on the wood floor, pulling out something from the back of his pants.

_a gun._

"and that's why exactly you're going to be the one to finish that job for me." he said, checking the bullets and handed it to you. your shaky hands dropped it on the floor, looking at the black weapon. "are you fucking out of your mind, kylo? i already shoplifted with you! i'm not risking my future just to help you kill an innocent person!" you shouted, in complete shock of what you were hearing and watched kylo pick it back up.

"but don't you love me, darling?"

you shivered from those words, even the petname. he unarmed the gun, bullets trickling down to the floor and splattered everywhere. he used the head of the gun to push a few strands of hair out of your face, smirking. "you love me, don't you? come on, darling. just for your god, this one time." he pleaded, his tone being heavy and smirk turning sinister.

"kylo, you're psychotic."

"so are you."

he wasn't wrong there. you shuddered in front of him, the gun still close to your head. you continued to think, and think. you were scared, and if this would help him stay close to you, you would do it.

"what are you thinking about?" he asked, being dragged out of your thoughts. "i'm thinking about, whatever you're thinking about you." you reassured him and he chuckled, nodding. "i do love you, ky. but i just can't-"

"if you ever love another guy, i'll blow his brains out too."

those words took you off guards, your heart racing more and knew that wasn't even a threat. _it was a promise._

"would you ever hurt me with the gun?" you asked and he shook his head right away, instantly denying that. "no, no. i have other ways to hurt you." he said and you bit your lip, his other reaching in his pocket for something else. his switchblade. his smirk would never wipe away, amused by all of this. "be a good girl for me and carve my name into your skin."

"b-by myself?"

"and then you're going to put on a nice show for me. you got that?"

you could have sworn your heart wanted to burst out of your chest from how much it was racing, eyes fixated on both the gun and switchblade. bullets were still on your floor, scattered completely. you nodded and a heavy exhale left between your lips, kylo using his switchblade to remove your first part of clothing- your shirt.

he leaned in closer to your face again. "and you're going to need have rey gone for this."

you cracked open your door, just for your face to peek out. "rey, can you go to the pharmacy and pick up my prescription for me? and then buy me some sushi rolls?" you asked and she agreed, waiting to hear her leave through the front door.

the second she did, you were forcefully pulled back, door slammed shut and locked. you were only in your bra and panties, the cold air freezing your body. a fully clothed, intimidating kylo body was very close to your body, his switchblade cutting off your panties on the side, feeling completely gratified.

he gave you his switchblade, turning you around to look into your mirror and you did as he told you to do- carve in his name. it stung, but the pain was pleasure. he took it back after you were finished.

"i want you to take out every single toy you have and i get to choose." he commanded and you scurried to your drawer, each object going on your bed one by one. the last thing to take out was a chain. he put his gun on top of your drawer, humming in thought.

kylo's eyes examined each individual object and picked up the chain first. "why do you own this, hm? to be treated like a _pet_?" he asked in such a vile and harsh voice, raising a brow. you didn't say anything but nod. he chuckled and put the chain around your neck, fitting you perfectly like a collar.

he took off your bra and you finally bare, vulnerable too. "you have much toys here, princess. want to explain why?" he asked and you shook your head, pouting. he had some way of putting you in a submissive headspace, where you'd drop to your knees immediately for him.

he pushed you to your knees and had a silicone object in his hand, letting you do rest of the work. he wanted to see you get off and become a whimpering mess, begging pathetically for his touch. you grabbed the object from his hand and adjusted down onto it, his hand wrapping around the end of the collar, using it as a leash. then, he rolled your vibrator to you and you had to multitask suddenly, pouting.

kylo sat down on your desk chair and slouched comfortably, giving a curt nod to go on. he was only two feet away from you and you pressed the vibrator to your cunt, whimpering from the feeling of it. you didn't even want to stare in his eyes, embarrassed and flustered.

he would tug at the chain if you stopped riding the silicone object and you whined, shaking your head. you knew you had the safe word, but at the same time, you were enjoying what was going on. kylo took out his phone, recording you and you weren't ashamed of what you were doing- you knew you could trust kylo. _somewhat._

"if you keep stopping, i'm going to fucking smack you until you can nearly taste your own blood." he threatened and you whimpered, chewing onto your lower lip harshly. "i know you like it, angel. don't deny it."

"a-asshole." you whined and he could only chuckle, putting away his phone, taking the vibrator from your hand, throwing it onto the bed. he clutched your jaw, parting your lips wide and spat inside of your mouth, smacking you.

"what a dumb pet you are." he said and the next few slaps were rough, your eyes tearing up. "want me to stop?" he asked and you looked up at him, unable to speak. you shook your head and he smiled in delight, sitting back on the chair.

he tugged the chain for you to come closer to him and you did, slipping off the silicone object, plopping down onto his lap. he adjusted you on it, sitting on his thigh now. he was still fully clothed and you knew what he wanted you to do, his hand never letting go of the chain.

you started to grind on his thigh and whined, digging your face into the crook of his neck. he wrapped an arm around your waist, guiding you and picked up your pace to a medium one, your hot breath touching his skin. "my good girl and only mine. _my little girl._ " he grunted and felt his hand grope your bare bottom, fingertips trailing up to your back to caress it.

my little girl- that's all you were to him and forever would be. you couldn't stop thinking about the other girls in the pictures. their hair messy, makeup smeared. you were just like them. you weren't special to kylo. his words were bullshit.

all of it seemed like a lie. a trap. a way to lure you into his games and desire. yet, you lived for the desire. it was a thrill. a rush.

you spun out of your thoughts the minute a warm knot filled into the pit of your stomach, legs trembling. your arms slung around his neck loosely and you squealed when you released your climax, panting.

your body shut down right then and there, tears in your eyes again. you could break down into a river of tears. he sat you down on your bed, squatting down to your level and hands on your thighs.

"are you-"

"i don't need your care, kylo. take the file and go." you cut him off and he sighed, wanting to speak. he wouldn't bug to listen to you. your hung down head lifted up to stare him into the eyes. "go. i'll see you tomorrow."

"just let me-"

"i said fucking go! gather all your shit and go!"

he didn't flinch or react to your yelling, only nodding. in minutes, he was gone and you laid down on your bed, pushing everything off, covering yourself with a blanket.

you cried yourself to sleep.


	18. chapter eighteen.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tables are turned.

you were completely silent the moment you stepped a foot into the theater, heart racing and saw kylo talking to hux. rey was holding your hand and poe greeted you, hugging you tightly. you felt sad and numb. you wanted to cry.

your eyes were puffy from crying all night long and you were wearing pajamas, not caring about your appearance. "ah! well, my favorite person is back!" mrs. jones exclaimed and gave you a warm hug, patting your back. "i wanted to tell you, the play has been pushed back to a few more weeks and the agent called to inform me that they'll be moving the filming to the end of next month, so you have plenty of time!"

you forgot about the movie, and everything else. you were too involved in kylo's world, you forgot to focus on your own future for a second. you nodded and thanked her, a cold hand on your shoulder. a familiar hand.

"no no, stay away, dickhead." poe told kylo, pushing him away from you. "you don't get to touch her or talk to her ever again. breathe even two feet from her, and your head is off."

"poe, i'm fine. i got this." you muttered and signaled him to go back to finn, seeing the couple and rey watch you talk to the guy who broke your heart. you couldn't stop thinking about the documents and pictures. guns. drugs. girls girls girls. the past of kylo ren. _all of it_.

"i'm sorry about last night." kylo said and you rolled your eyes, holding back a sour laugh. "you're sorry? no, you're only sorry because i founded out the truth about you, ren. i don't want anything to do with you anymore. from now on, we're just a romance bond _on stage._ " you told him and he nodded, noticing how pale your face was.

"you wear your heart on your sleeve." he replied and your hands folded into fists. "mrs. jones, we will be back. rey, poe and finn, stay in your seats or else." he grabbed your wrist, tugging you outside to the lobby with him and you tried to fight back, yet his strength was too strong.

"stop touching me! i hate you!" you yelled and he walked you both into the janitor's closet, slamming the door. he flickered on the lights and you glanced up at him, shaking your head and his touch finally disappeared. "i don't want to be in here! i don't want to be even near your ass!"

"well, too bad. we're not leaving until i'm forgiven."

" _forgiven_? oh kylo ren, you crack me up!" you joked bitterly, the tears flowing back to your eyes. "what am i, huh? just your little girl, that's it? your pleasure entertainment? what am i!" you yelled and waited for a response, but he stood there. he stood in silence, back to the wall and looked at you.

"go ahead and cry, _little girl._ i know how much it matters to you." he replied and you knew what he meant- the feeling of being unloved and wanting someone just to be there. something you've never gotten. the fear of someone abandoning you after they've promised they wouldn't. the gut wrenching thought of kylo _possibly_ loving someone else.

"i want nothing to do with your stupid mob!"

"you're an idiot to think i ever would put you through the process of that, and i don't know why you even care the slightest bit of me killing your ex boyfriend. want to explain that?" kylo asked and you chuckled, shaking your head. "because he is human, kylo! he has a family, a life and a future! don't take that away because of what he did to me!" you shouted, unsurprised that he wouldn't even actually listen to you.

"how come you don't want him dead?"

"i just told-"

"how _come_ you don't want him _dead_?" he repeated the question, now getting closer to you. if you told him the truth, you could end up breaking his heart or getting xavier's skull bashed open. either way, it was a lose-lose situation.

"because kylo.. despite what he did to me, a small part of me still has feelings for him. that just won't go away. i care about him, just the slightest." you confessed and it was a hard pill for kylo to swallow, no emotions on his face. it was blank. empty. you hurt him.

"then we're done here."

"w-what? kylo, no-"

"we're done here! i won't come around anymore and you'll only see me when it comes to rehearsals. other than that, _stay the hell away from me_." kylo said and he bursted out of the janitor's closet, leaving you there in a sad state of mind. you could chase after him, beg for him to stay and not go.

_but this was your fault._

you walked out too, and your fingers curled around his wrists before he could enter the auditorium. "kylo, please. i don't love him, it's just a small feeling. the small feelings of when we did have good moments together, but i love you. i really do." you reassured him and when you looked into his eyes, there was pain. pain and sorrow- the two things to get him riled up and he could explode into pieces.

"don't touch me, unless it's for the show." he pushed you away and went the other direction, storming out of the building. what you didn't know was he was seeking revenge and wanted nothing more but for your ex boyfriend to be dead.

kylo put his phone up to his ear, holding back tears. "hey, it's me. we have bit of a problem and he needs to be handled, urgently. i want my crew down here by tonight, and tell them to meet me at the jakku club once they've landed. thanks." he informed his uncle and tuck the phone back into his pocket, getting into his car.

you were confused on how kylo just walked out and you went through the doors of the auditorium, a tear falling down your cheek. you went up to your group of friends and they saw your face, rising from their seats. "tonight. jakku club. we are going to party." you simply said and rey laughed, cheering. that was her favorite club and their age limit was only eighteen and up.

the jakku club was most known for their drinks and how many people would get fucked up. "what time should we get ready?" poe asked and had a arm slung around finn's shoulder, the two being comfortable with their relationship. it made you really happy.

"before eleven o'clock. everyone get prepared to come home not sober and waking up days from now." you said and a small smile was on your face, ready to get kylo off your mind. you didn't need a man, not even him. if he was going to forget you, then you would do the same.

you were ready for a long, night.


	19. chapter nineteen.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and the night begins with chaos.

you were wearing your favorite black satin dress, the length of it being short, yet enough to protect your bottom. you wore the necklace kylo stole and you were finally ready for the night. you slipped on your black stiletto heels and grabbed your purse, tucking your wallet inside of it.

you stepped out of your room and your best friends were waiting in the living room, their jaws dropping once you made your appearance. "you look so fucking hot. i'm going to end up fucking you, i swear to god." rey said and she was in a red suit, wearing a matching colored, lace bodysuit. poe and finn looked like frat boys in their outfits, but you didn't judge. "alright fuckers, let's go get drunk, high or laid! i don't care, i always get the full three!"

you all walked out of the apartment complex together, the nightclub only being a few blocks away. the weather wasn't too bad, actually quite warm for once. you stood in between rey and finn, poe being behind you like a bodyguard. you were ready for tonight and wanted to hook up with some random dude, to get kylo off your mind.

you all laughed and smiled, cars honking here and there- the normal new york city life. everyone was coming in and out of the club, showing security your ID's. your nose took in the weed smell of the venue, music blasting, people making out, shouting. it was a chaotic, fun mess.

"i see a hot girl! are you going to be okay alone?" rey asked and you nodded, giving her an encouraging smile. you, poe and finn went to the dance floor, dancing loosely to the music of usher, rihanna, britney and the classic icons of your childhood to preteen years. you never felt such a thrilling rush as much before.

your body let go and was free.

kylo was in his personal booth, where it more like a room, with his crew- the knights of ren. "i don't want him dead, but injured. paralyzed, even. give him memory loss. i don't care, just make sure the job is finished." he threatened and they all nodded, each individual in their own black suit, guns hidden in their pants. he got information from a close friends of xavier's who worked on the sidelines of the mob, that he would be attending jakku club, as well.

kylo was in his black interior- black shirt, black leather jacket and black pants, his shoes being black too. everyone separated into the club, kylo trailing behind them and one member nudged his shoulder, nodding his head towards someone. "it's her, mr. ren. what should we do?"

kylo thought and saw your body swaying around, holding himself together. he could kiss you. pin you up against the wall. so many fucking filthy things and he had to compose himself fast.

"protect her. if xavier gets anywhere close to her, you're dead." kylo threatened and watched you from afar, rejecting girls who wanted him. you were oblivious to his presence or eyes that undressed you, screaming the lyrics to bad romance with poe and finn.

you were already drunk and it was very vague to how high you were too. "i need another drink! you guys want anything!" you shouted over the music and they shook their head, dancing with each other now. you walked over to the bar and plopped down onto the chair, rubbing your temple.

"can i get two shots of tequila, please?" you ordered and the bartender nodded, getting them for you right away. someone sat next to you and you smiled widely, your mind completely fucked. "xavieeerrr! you look so pretty!" you slurred and chuckled, taking the first round of tequila.

"slow down there, pretty girl. you don't want to get too messed up." he said and ordered you a cup of water, worried for your health. "why are you here? shouldn't you be at juilliard, going over lines with kylo? or did you push him away because you accept the truth?"

"oh, you have no idea! i founded out so much and then today, he just cut me off! like who does that, xavier? he promised me so many things, a-and-"

"i can take care of you."

you smiled widely and nodded, resting your head on his chest. "thank you soooo much! you're the best and worst ex boyfriend ever!" you continued to slur your words, giggling and he put the edge of the cup to your lower lip, nodding. you took a sip and felt refreshed, moaning at the taste of something non-alcoholic. "you know, you're the reason why he hates me now!"

"is that so?"

"yeppo! he told me last night he wanted to kill you, and i was shocked! but obviously, i stood up for you!" you slipped out, your intoxicated mind spilling things nobody needed to hear. "he hates you so much!"

"well, he only hates me because i got to have you, baby."

"yuck, i hate petnames! well actually, my heart warmed when kylo use to call me this one word."

"what one word?"

"little girl." you mumbled and sighed, your smile never leaving your face. " _little girl,_ huh? i can take care of you and help you. i'm better now, remember?" he jogged your memory and you nodded, giving him a thumbs up. "come on, let's get back to my place."

you took your last shot of tequila and slid the bartender a tip, xavier helping you out. he made sure to be gentle with you, his hands on your waist and his words being inaudible- your mind was shifting in and out. you were far from sober and out of your mind. you didn't care of what was happening.

you were stopped with xavier when you heard the trigger of a gun click behind his back, a cough coming along. "if it isn't kylo ren." xavier said and turned around with you, his hand on your arm. "you shouldn't bring weapons into a club. it's very dangerous."

"i can do whatever the fuck i want when i own the club." kylo said and your eyes widened, bursting out into a hysterical laugh. "you own jakku club? holy shit!" you laughed more and shook your head, patting kylo's chest.

"take her to my booth." he informed his member and they pulled you away from xavier, the sight of kylo and him getting blurry each forward step you took. his personal booth was in the far back of the club, the music echoing away too.

you were settled down onto a red velvet couch, his members guarding the curtain. "who are you, people? you work for kylo ren?" you asked and they didn't speak, not even a nod or head shake. nothing. they looked like mannequins.

the curtain made an open noise and your head lifted up, kylo tucking away his gun. "what did you say to him?" he asked and you groaned, flipping him off. this is not how you expected your night to go. you shrugged and laid back, crossing your legs. "i'm not going to repeat myself. and if i have to, then i swear to god, princess, you're in _so_ much trouble."

you burped and giggled from it, not taking kylo serious, no matter how intimidating his face looked. "okay, then. you want to play around? let's play around." he muttered to him, taking out his gun and after a few lash flutters, xavier was in the picture.

kylo held the gun to his head.

"what did you tell him!" he yelled and you zipped your mouth, wanting to see what he would do. "you're so fucking pathetic, kylo. trying to show dominance. like give it up, dude! you'll be nothing than a boy with a dead dad." you taunted and kylo persona completely changed, the gun lowering. "and i told him that you wanted to murder him! he knows everything, anyways. better yet, how about i tell rey? or poe? so many options."

"and you're nothing but a little girl with an abusive dad who didn't care for her. at least i had a _real_ father."

you were both clawing down each other's throats, using secrets as a weapon.

"fuck you, ren!"

"oh, you already have, _kitten_."

that petname was new and turned you on easily. "what do you want from me?" you asked and he chuckled, his sinister smirk plastered on his face. "i meant it when i said i'd blow any guys brains out if you loved him. you're only suppose to love me. _you're mine._ " he reminded you and gestured his gun to your dress. "lift it up and show him. show him how i've marked my property."

you did it for the sake of xavier.

you lifted it up and xavier's eyes widened, kylo smiling in accomplishment. "won't you look at that? before you think you've saved his life, let me remind you that this is the same dude who put you in the emergency room two times. now, let's explain that, xavier." kylo commanded and you put down your dress, waiting for xavier to say something. you weren't sure if you could save his life, at this point. kylo had too much power and control.

"it was a mistake. i was always drunk and i never meant to-"

you heard those familiar words before. over and over again. you were tired of it. you wanted a real apology.

"give me a truthful answer, xavier! please! you knew how vulnerable i was and i showed you that! i gave you my all, so please just be honest!" you pleaded and he sighed, no response. it was a lie. he never actually cared or was sorry. he just wanted a one way ticket into your life. "i cried everyday because of you. i blamed myself, because of you! i hate you and you're nothing but a disgusting being!"

but you weren't finished there.

you pointed to kylo and got close in his space, shaking your head. "and you stay away from me. come near me again and i'll have the feds on your ass."

you walked out of that booth, feeling strong for once.


	20. chapter twenty.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tension is built and desire is vile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> contains very heavy smut. do not read/continue to read if you get uncomfortable, please.

after you walked out, you didn't care anymore. you had your freedom now and kylo didn't own you, whatsoever. you saw rey making out with a girl and you raised a brow, seeing how intense it was. your best friend really was a top.

she pulled away when she noticed you were looking, smiling and giggling. "when was the last time you kissed a girl?" rey asked and you shrugged, chuckling with her. "c'mon! you're free from crylo ren!"

"i rather kiss you instead!" you shouted and rey smiled, her lips smashing onto yours. her fingers curled into your hair, having an entire make out session and her lips tasted like cherry.

you both were free from each other's lips, laughing and dancing with her. hands gripped your waist and turned around, seeing xavier. "oh shit, he didn't kill you?" you questioned in his ear and he chuckled, shaking his head. from the corner of your eyes, you saw kylo and his crew. he was watching.

good thing he was. you kissed xavier, making sure kylo kept a good eye on you both. revenge was a sick bitch, and you loved it. you didn't know how long you were kissing your ex boyfriend for, but it must have been for a few minutes and you liked it.

the crowd started jumping to the song _poker face_ , screaming the lyrics. everyone was dancing, kissing and you danced against rey's body, her hands exploring yours. poe and finn were sitting at a booth, talking about whatever and enjoying each other's presence.

kylo didn't stop watching, his face being plain and eye twitched. in his mind, he wanted you and thoughts relapsed into his brain, biting his lip. he wanted to make sure before the sun came up, that you remembered your body belonged to him. you were his little girl.

"russian roulette is not the same without a gun, and baby, when it's love, if it's not rough, it isn't fun." you mouthed to kylo and winked, smirking. you both had each other wrapped around your finger, trying to escalate the night.

rey was cheering you on when you kissed random strangers or dancing on them, leaving hickeys on their skin. your head spun and finally knew it was time for you to go home. your best friends were having fun, so you let them be and stumbled out of the club, trying to balance yourself properly.

your red lipstick was smeared from kissing every person and you fixed up your dress, catching a new breath of the new york air. you walked yourself home, safe and knew what to do just in case anybody came up to you.

you sniffled, stepping inside your apartment's lobby and the elevator, laying your back to the wall. you couldn't stop thinking about kylo's gun and the way he held it to xavier's head. he was so sick, wicked and vile.

you realized you liked that, but couldn't admit it.

the elevator made a ding when it reached your level, getting out and straight to your door, going into your purse for your key. you unlocked it and could pass out on the couch, sleeping for days. you locked the door behind you, putting your purse on the counter and got a cup of water, feeling refresh.

not even five minutes into your welcome, a knock was on the door. you carelessly opened it and sighed, your blurry vision adjusted to the body of kylo ren. "i can call the feds right now." you told him, taking off your heels and tossed them across the room. "the feds won't do anything. i've put all evidence and such on your ex lover." kylo said and let himself in, closing the door.

"why are you here? what do you want? i don't want you anymore."

"yes you do."

"no i don't, ren! we both made it clear that we need to stay away from one another!" you raised your voice and rolled your eyes, feet taking you to your room. he followed you. "you also need to stay away from xavier and leave him out of this."

"oh, because you love him, right?" kylo asked and you turned around, nodding. you didn't love him, actually. but you needed kylo ren out of your life. you sat down on the edge of your bed and sighed, cheeks puffing out. your eyes looked at his right hand and he had his gun in it, sure it was unarmed. "let's remind you, shall we?" his fingers gripped onto your scalp, tangled in and yanked it back, gun under your chin.

"aw, what are you going to do? kill me, hm? tell me, kylo. what the fuck will you, kylo _ben solo_ ren, do to me?" you mocked and hissed when his hold got tighter on your locks, furrowing your brows. "i won't kill you. i will just hurt you. bruise you. maybe make you bleed, as long in the end, you remember you belong to me." he replied and pressured the gun, the trigger clicking.

"you won't do it. you won't pull the trigger."

"i will if you say one more fucking time you love him. i'm your god, remember? or do i have to fix your dumb brain too?" he questioned and leaned in closer to your face, the gun still aimed under your chin. you didn't say anything, a wave flood of wetness emerging into your cunt. "strip, i want everything fucking off and if you even think the slightest bit to disobey, i will do much worse."

you did as you were told, knowing he was serious. his words made you sober up easily, and you laid down on the bed, holding his gun tightly. he pulled the chair up to in front of your bed, giving him a perfect view of you and sat down. he grinned and tapped the gun to his chin in thought. "touch yourself for me, and you're not allowed to cum without my permission."

you nodded and spread your legs, giving him a clear view of your cunt. your finger ran down your stomach to your clit, slowly rubbing it and your other fingers pumped in two fingers, working at a slow pace. you made sure to keep your legs spread wide, but wanted to keep your noises quiet to mess around with kylo.

you bit down onto your lower lip to hold in your moans and whines, eyes rolling back. "i can't hear you." he said and you pouted, glaring at him. "stop holding back or you'll get it worse."

"you won't do shit to me. you're not even a god, and i wouldn't call you daddy ever again."

"oh?"

"and you're nothing. you come from nothing."

you regretted saying _anything_. he got up from his seat and took off his belt, tying your wrists behind your back with them. you couldn't overpower him, it was impossible, even with his body strength. he opened your drawer and grabbed out the chain, putting it around your neck. he tied the end of it to your bed pole frame, since it was a canopy and smirked.

you were completely restricted and whined, your wrists hurting from how tight the belt was. you were kneeling on the near edge of the bed and huffed. "shut the fuck up. you brought this upon yourself, princess." he told you and stripped off every item of his clothing, your lips touching the head of his cock. you probably would never get use to his size, since it was thicker and longer. he brought the gun to your head, clicking the trigger. "suck."

you obeyed instantly, your lips wrapping around his cock and tried to take him all in, gagging when he started to fuck your throat. his other hand combed through your hair and gripped it like earlier, your body and mouth both being used. you retched and tried to pull back, but he refused to let you, pushing your head further down. he kept your head there until your brain went almost empty and felt like you were going to pass out. you gagged and looked up at him with teary eyes, shaking your head.

kylo finally let you catch a breather and smacked you, smearing away the drool. "be fucking grateful i let you breathe right now. don't think i forgot about your little actions with xavier and rey tonight, you disgusting bitch." he spat and put your mouth right back on his cock, bobbing your head up and down- in the same, fast pace pattern. a river of saliva filled your mouth and drool came out of the sides of it, tears falling down your cheeks. "you can take it, you filthy whore."

you wish you could yell at him and curse him out. he deserved that, _right_?

your body and neck could barley move, noticing you were chained like an animal. no alert or signal, he came into your mouth and it went straight down your throat. he hissed and moaned out your name, his member popping out of your mouth.

"swallow, kitten."

you did so.

he tilted his head and another smack harsh came, wiping your saliva over your face. you were sure your makeup was smeared. your body wanted to collapse from it, but the chain wouldn't let you. "it's funny how you say i'm not your god or that you don't want me, but i know, every second you see me, you want nothing more than for me to fuck your pretty cunt and hurt you. isn't that right?" he questioned and you shuddered, biting your lip. "i'm going to take that as a yes."

"shut up."

"ah ah, watch it. we're not done yet."

kylo put his gun finally down on top of your dresser and his hand reached for something inside of it. your vibrator. he walked into your closet and found a belt of your own, using it to tie your ankles together. he wanted you fully restrained and helpless. "wait wait, kylo. i'm sorry, please please, i-i cant-"

"like i said, you brought this upon yourself. and you will address me as your god or daddy. if you decide to slip up one more time, i won't stop and i'll ignore your sobs. but you still have the safe word. do you understand that?" he asked and you nodded, your pout never going away. he turned on the object to a high level and forced you to sit on it, your body squirming from it. "sit there and take it. cum over and over again until you're completely braindead."

your sensitive cunt couldn't take it and kylo sat back down, touching his own self. he was getting off to the sight of you and you whimpered, both of you having intense, heavy eye contact. you were craving each other. you had to try to resist him, but it was unbearable. he was so addicting. almost like a toxic drug. "god, fucking shit." you muttered and your head fell down, chin dipping in.

" _beg for me._ "

you wanted to drop in front of him and plead for him to wreck you. you don't remember the last time you were this desperate for somebody to touch you. "please use me. please god." you whined and heart raced, legs trembling already. "please, i'll do anything for you, just please touch me."

"aw, come on, princess. you can do better than that."

"please, i need you. i'll do anything!" you entreated, more tears coming out and felt yourself cum. kylo untied your ankles, unleashing the chain from the pole and took away the vibrator, turning it off. he tossed both items to the ground and grabbed the chain himself, laying you down on your stomach.

"you're willing to do anything, just for me to fuck your cunt? how pathetic and disgusting." he said and stuffed your face into the pillow, bringing your ass up in the air. he smacked it couple of times, knowing it would leave bruises and took the chain off of your neck, your head laying sideways. his hand grabbed onto the belt for leverage and thrusted into you, moaning from how tight you were.

you whimpered and dug your fingernails into your palm, lids squeezing shut. "guess i'm the one who has to make you braindead." he muttered and used his other hand to rub your cunt, squirming from the smallest touch of his. you were _too_ sensitive and could barley take him pounding inside of you.

your legs wanted to fall and you tried to keep the open, your inner thighs receiving a smack each time you tried to close them. "if i tie each ankle to the side of the bed, i will. now be a good whore for me and keep your legs _fucking_ open. i don't want to repeat myself." he whispered in your ear, his hot breath sending tingles across your both.

his pace was fast and harsh, nothing new but it always was a painful pleasure. maybe you were just a sick masochist who liked being hurt by him, you weren't sure of it.

"say my title."

"f-fuck y-you."

that one hand came up and yanked your head, his strength pulling you up to his body and your back touched his chest. "fucking say it." he mumbled and tears wouldn't stop disgorging from your eyes as he savagely kept fucking you. "i will never say it.. you d-don't own me, ren." you told him and you could visibly see his face, his hand letting go of your hair. kylo's hand retrieved onto your throat, grasping it tightly that it could possibly block your airway with a one more harder squeeze.

"we'll see, kitten."

you screamed out his name when he kept hitting the right spot repeatedly and your fingernails went back to clawing into your palms, leaving marks. he groaned and moaned into your ear, getting even wetter from it. "oh g-god, fuck! i'm gonna fucking cum!" you yelled and he was too, your legs spazzing as you ran out your orgasm with him, both of you moaning.

kylo dropped you to the bed, taking the belt off your wrists and laid you on your back, going for the next round at the same pace. he smashed his lips against yours and you whined into his mouth, tongues touching and tasting each other. your legs interlaced around his waist and kept his body close to yours, his hands pinning down your wrists.

your wrists were so little in his hands, he could easily crush them and you. his lips were off of yours and stared into your eyes, hands still clasping onto your wrists. "i fucking own you and you're only mine. my little girl and i'm the only one who gets to touch you. who gets to fuck you like this. only me. i will kill _anyone_ who tries taking you from me."

you nodded and swore you were even more crazy for feeling butterflies in your stomach when he made that threat.

"open your mouth." kylo said and you did, tongue sticking out too. he spat inside your mouth and used one hand to quickly smack the side of your face. "you're my bitch. my little bitch, and my pet."

you blushed and smiled, biting your lip. "yes daddy." you replied and he smirked, kissing your forehead. another climax reached and you whimpered, eyebrows raised, forehead scrunching. "cum with me, again. i want to fill your hole." he ordered and you nodded, his grasp around your wrists getting tighter when he came with you.

both bodies were sweaty and your throat was getting dry from the loud, desperate noises you made. he got out of you and dragged you to the end of the bed, standing up himself. your legs separated wide open and laid on your stomach, kylo slipping right back into you. your view was the outside of the window, seeing the city of new york.

you rode him and he groped your ass, smirking. you tried to give it your last all but your legs could barley take anymore. he noticed that and slammed into you, mercilessly fucking you. you moaned and hands caught onto the bed sheets, gripping onto them. you shoved your face into the mattress, your noises still being clear enough to hear.

he didn't say anything else, only continued to fuck you and you didn't tell him anything or ask for permission, coming right away. you cursed and lifted up your face, panting. you needed fresh air again. your body was weak and kylo scooped you up, walking you to the bathroom.

he turned on the bathtub water, sitting you on the toilet and whimpered. he was still quiet and checked the temperature, adding in some rosemary scented bubble soap. "do your cuts hurt? have you been cleaning them?" he asked and you nodded, forgetting he carved into you like a pumpkin.

once the bath was ready, he sat you down in it and joined you, washing you sparkly clean. his fingers massaged your hair as he washed it, pressing kissing on your shoulders. you could pass out on his body right now, your eyes begging for sleep. "i'll stay with you for tonight." he said and you nodded again, sniffling.

he washed off your face too, taking away all the smeared makeup he had caused. "you need to brush your teeth too, angel face." he told you and you pouted, splashing water at him. "i'm just saying. i'll take care of you."

he kissed your forehead and you let him continue on. after you were done being washed, he took care of himself and then helped you out of the tub. you sat on the toilet, wrapped in a warm towel and brushed your teeth, kylo changing the bedsheets.

he put everything away and fixed up your room a bit, putting on new covers. he came to you, wearing only grey sweats and his black boxers slightly showed, completely shirtless. "all better now?" he asked and you smiled, his hand grabbing yours to help you stand up.

you spat out the paste and used mouthwash afterward, gargling. you spat that out too and cleaned your mouth with a small towel. you did grabby hands his way and he smiled somewhat, chuckling. he picked you up like you were a baby, nuzzling your face into the crook of his neck. you didn't want to let go of him.

kylo sat you on the bed, changing you into undergarments and pajamas. he brushed out your hair gently, your eyes looking down at your own feet. you turned your head and your clock said _2:39AM._ it was very late and you were exhausted.

"here, take this." he gave you a painkiller pill and a cup of water, taking it right away. you felt so much better and smiled, thanking him. he put the water on your nightstand with the bottle of painkillers. "i know you're probably a bit mad at me, so i'll sleep on the couch. i'll be here to protect you."

you wanted to say something but something in your throat held you back. you could only nod and watched him walk to your living room, slipping under your covers.

you tried to sleep, tossing and turning. you couldn't even fall asleep, at all. too much was on your mind. you looked to the side and the clock now said _2:55AM._ you couldn't sleep and you huffed, pouting. you got out of your bed, holding your favorite stuffed elephant in your arms and walked to the living room.

kylo was sleeping and you bit your lower lip, scuffing across the floor to him. you shook him gently and he woke up, seeing the pout on your face. "hey hey, what's wrong, princess?" he asked and you saw the worry expression on his face.

"can't sleep. c-can i sleep with you, please?"

his smile was toothy and he nodded, lifting up the blanket for you. you laid on top of him, going back to nuzzling your face into his neck and his arms snaked around your waist, protectively holding you close to him. you held your stuffed animal and he held you, like if you were about to go. it made your heart melt.

"goodnight ky."

"goodnight, angel."


	21. chapter twenty one.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a small series begins from here to chapter twenty three.

kylo was awoken from your sad whimpers and the way your hold around his neck got tighter. you were having a nightmare. he carefully sat you both up and gently shook you awake, kissing the side of your head. "princess, wake up. i'm here." he whispered, rocking you back and forth in his arms.

you blinked a few times, adjusting to reality and there was tears in your eyes, sniffling. "y-you're still here?" you asked, surprised and confused, tears trickling one by one. "of course i am. what was the nightmare about?" he asked and your heart started to race thinking about it, shaking your head. you sobbed into his bare chest and his hand held the back of your head, thumb caressing it. "you're okay, angel. i'm right here."

you curled up in his lap, tears on his chest now. "i-i'm sorry. it's just this constant nightmare i often get a-and rey usually is the one to comfort me." you stumbled onto your words, sniffling more and more. there was a small, comforting smile formed on kylo's mouth, his lips pressing to your forehead. "i'm sorry if i woke you, i can go back to my-"

"princess, it's okay. stay here. stay with me."

he wanted you to stay, and the way he said it was almost like he needed you. you nodded and smiled small, wiping away the rest of your tears. you stared into his eyes, never blinking once and his eyes scanned your face, memorizing it. you bit down on your tongue, holding yourself back from saying it. you only said it once and knew he didn't feel the same, nor would he ever say say it back.

kylo's hands cupped your cheeks, thumbs stroking them and he put a peck on your lips. "what time is it?" you mumbled and he checked outside the window, depending on the sun. "i would say about four, about to be five." he replied and you nodded, sighing in content.

his touch never disappeared, taking in all of you. you were worried of why he was doing that, but didn't bother to ask. you had to cherish this moment too. soon, in a few weeks, you'd be away from him and didn't want to tell him. you would rather go and forget, start a new chapter in your life.

in his eyes, kylo's saw someone who was his other half. someone who could understand his pain and tears. he didn't want to admit it, and was scared to say those beautiful three words. you were the cure to his aching soul. his whole life, he's only known sorrow and tears. he never had someone look at him the way you do. the way your smile radiates a room and brings hope to his life. the way you held his hand, made him feel okay and safe. he felt safe and secure with you. all he wanted to do was protect from this bad, cruel world. you were truly an angel in his life.

his connection with you was more stronger. a force pull. it was right and real. he would describe it as a dyad, since you two had a bond in every way possible.

you both consumed each other's mind. both lips parted in amazement, and you placed your hands on top of his, that never left your cheeks. you could say it and just try to take it back, telling him that you just wanted to see his reaction. but when you said it, you meant it. you thought, maybe it was just your mind falling in love easily again and for a guy you had no chance with. but you already knew kylo for a month and almost two.

you swallowed thickly and you pushed back every thought that told you to not say it. "kylo, i.." you started off and he raised a brow, his heart thumping. you didn't care anymore. you had to let him know. you weren't going to say it for his sake, but for yours. because you felt it. you felt it all and you were tired of your mind raging with thoughts and expectations. "i love you."

those three words, and kylo only needed to add on one last word. his conscience stopped him and he hated that. "i know." he whispered and you nodded, smiling small. "i know, angel. just don't leave my life, please."

now, you had to certainly tell him. would he come with you, though? would he wait? would he choose someone else? your insecure self started to think back to the photos of the girls. you couldn't forget them or what kylo's true lifestyle was.

you both were snapped out of your thoughts when kylo's phone made a buzz and he grabbed it, checking it. it was a message and his mouth set into hard, thin line. "i have to go, i'm sorry." he said and frowned, but you nodded. you would soon find out what it was. you got off his lap and he put on his shirt than shoes, kissing your forehead. "i'll see you later, mkay? call me if you need anything."

he picked up whatever else was his and was out the door, closing it. you laid back against the couch, holding onto your stuffed elephant. you got up and groaned from how sore your legs were, going to rey's room. she was knocked out, bare ass naked next to two random girls. you tiptoed over to her and shook her from her slumber. she grunted and her eyes rolled when she saw you, putting the pillow over her face.

"what happened now?"

"do you want to go do some stalking? or get more info on kylo ren?" you asked and rey tossed the pillow, snapping the two girls to wake up. "sorry ladies, this is an emergency! you all have my number and last night was amazing!" she shouted and the two girls got ready, taking themselves out of your apartment.

after what felt like ten minutes, the girls were gone, rey changed into clothes and smiled. "so, what exactly are we looking for?" she asked and you two walked to the kitchen, getting some coffee. "he was here about fifteen minutes ago and he received a message. his whole mood changed when he got it and honestly, it's easier to find out what he does, you know?" you said and she chuckled, nodding.

"do you trust pretty boy?"

"of course i do!"

"if you did, you wouldn't be needing to spy on him, babe."

you furrowed your brows and whined, throwing your hands in the air. "well, gather poe and finn! we're all going stalking in a few hours!" you informed her and she nodded, making herself a fruit bowl. "do you want xavier there?" she asked and you went pale, shaking your head.

"no no! i only kissed him to make kylo jealous." you responded and she hummed, glaring at you. "but yes, bring him. he has more information about kylo, and since kylo took the whole file, i have nothing really."

rey laughed and put a few grapes into her mouth, chewing them. "what if you find out something you don't need to see or hear? or even like?" she questioned and you didn't think about that, sighing. you shrugged and drank your coffee, both of you looking at one another.

"then i guess i'll just have to live with it."


	22. chapter twenty two.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eavesdropping is fun.. but can ruin the mood when the guy you love wants to attend an event with someone else.

you all sat in the car together, parked across the street from kylo's brooklyn heights penthouse. everyone was wearing sunglasses and caps, eyeing kylo and his people through the windows.

you all concentrated and poe was using binoculars, chewing onto his breakfast sandwich. "i'm really good at understanding what people word-mouth." finn mentioned and everyone looked at him, irritation on your face. "and you didn't mention that before? we've been sitting here for nearly two hours!" poe yelled and you shut them up by pulling off your slipper.

he handed his boyfriend the binoculars and leaned in close, humming in thought. "well, kylo seems mad, that's for sure. i also see a few girls. can't tell if they're business partners or fuck buddies." finn said and rey smacked his arm, causing him to yelp. "i'm just saying! no business partners skirts are that tight or short!"

you pouted, shaking your head and continued staring out the window. "i trust kylo." you muttered and everyone's eyes were now on you, with a confused expression. "okay maybe i really don't but that doesn't mean anything! kylo told me those girls are nobodies to him!"

"one is literally grabbing his crotch, what do you mean." xavier told you and you threw a fry at him, flipping him off. "listen, from what the private investigator told me, kylo always goes to a lot of events, even now here in new york. ever since he came here, he's been more busy and active."

"and you didn't bother to mention that to me? or put it on the fucking documents?!" you yelled and he was taken back, looking away from you. "everyone, shut up! i can understand what he is saying!" finn snapped and rey asked what it was, leaning closer to window of the passengers seat, hands gripped on the steering wheel.

finn put the binoculars in his lap and rubbed his face, sighing. "i hope you all have something fancy to wear. we're going to a gala." he said and everyone squealed, jumping in their seats. you have heard of gala, but never once been to one. "a gala filled with the richest people to exist."

"how will we even get in? it's impossible to get into something like that. for god sakes, we're all college students and far from rich." you butted in and poe shook his head, pointing a finger up. "my mom's boyfriend brother is an executive for any gala's hosted. i can get us all in." he informed and you smiled, thanking him.

"but i think we should be careful when we go." finn said and you cocked up a brow, everyone wanting to know what he meant. "his family will be there. people of his mafia. everyone. supposedly, they're trying to kill their rivalry's leader. weapons will be possibly be used."

"so, we don't go or?" rey questioned and you sighed, shaking your head. "we need to go. maybe i can pull kylo out of this mafia bullshit and help him. i want to help him." you said and they nodded, taking bites out of their food. "what else did he say?"

"he is using his knights of ren as security and that they're bringing protection to your building. so i'm guessing, he thinks you have no clue about this." finn said and you groaned, rolling your eyes in frustration.

"okay, we'll buy whatever we need to and get changed at poe's place. we get there at eight o' clock and try to at least act like we fit in." you advised them and they agreed, staring out the car window. "oh shit, he's coming outside!"

everyone slouched down in their seats, caps covering your faces. "rey, put the window down and pull in closer, if you can." you whispered and she obeyed, doing it right away. she parked behind kylo's mclaren and he stood on the last concrete step, on the phone.

you carefully put down the windows, trying to not seem noticeable. "mom, i'm not bringing adrianna to the gala, nor will i attend to her side, just for the plan to move quicker. we already have targets at her father's head." he spat into the phone, infuriated and looked like he could blow up. "the plan is in motion, mom. i got this. the only way i can protect adrianna is if she stays away from the event. that's my way of keeping her safe."

who was adrianna? you wondered and wondered, biting down on your lip to prevent tears from coming out. everyone stayed silent to hear clearly and your heart could break. "yes mom, i agree, she's wonderful. i want to keep her safe, please." he spoke over the phone and was looking at his surroundings, biting his lip. "fine, i'll bring her. but she won't stay for her. i'll see you when you land, bye."

he walked back inside his penthouse and all sat up straight, looking forward. "don't cry, babe." rey said and looked at you with apologetic eyes, but you shrugged. "i'm fine. let's just go shopping and get this over with. let's help kylo." you said and she sighed, starting the car up.

you got back lost into your thoughts and knew you weren't the only one. she was wonderful to him. probably amazing. probably much better than you. probably even prettier.

your phone buzzed and it was a message from kylo saying he missed you. you scoffed and left him on read, staring out the window. "wait, aren't dresses and tuxedos like super expensive for shit like this?" xavier asked and you nodded, not saying anything.

"i have an emergency card. we can use that." rey replied and everyone went back to being silent, finding somewhere to shop.

you wanted kylo to care about you. to love you. for him to say those fucking three words that meant so much to you. you didn't want this to be a game. you didn't want to be played, because your feelings for him were so genuine and true. a tear rolled down your cheek and you sniffled, leaning your head on the glass.

"we're gonna help kylo kill that leader." you said and rey stepped on the breaks, tires screeching, everyone flinging back. "what the fuck did you just saying?!" she asked, surprised and shocked, grabbing your jaw to look into her eyes.

"okay, we aren't gonna kill. but just help. once that leader is gone, kylo can focus on the future he wants." you examined everyone's faces for emotion or any saying. "we won't use weapons. we'll just, be a distraction. i mean, we do go to juilliard and have the best acting skills."

"how did we go from being students to helping kylo fucking ren?" finn asked himself and laid his head on poe's shoulder, snuggling up against him. "but once we've distracted the dude, we're out of there and kylo finishes the rest. after this, everything is left on you." poe said and you nodded, smiling.

hopefully nothing would go wrong.


	23. chapter twenty three.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you and your friends attend the event- but you purposely collide with ren's family and a dark secret about your ex is told.

it was finally time. the boys were dressed in classic tuxedos, though poe stood out with his being grey. rey finally wore a dress. a black balmain button, crossed dress and matched black pumps with it, her hair slicked back, red lipstick coating her lips. her makeup was glowing too.

for you, you stood out the most in the group. your dress was a long off the shoulder, banded sleeve tulle gown with a tiered ruffle skirt, all in a pastel pink fabric and wore white pump stilettos, your makeup a soft natural, hair wavy and had your wallet in your hands.

"remember, the code word is bananas." finn reminded you all and everyone nodded, stepping up the security. you all went in one by one, paparazzi outside for the well known. you were already anxious. rey grabbed your hand and squeezed it, giving you a reassuring smile.

everyone went their separate ways, the inside being huge, bigger than juilliard itself. people were chattering, greeting each other or talking about their home life. it was a mix of older people, people in their 20's and rich businessmen. you felt very out of place. you sat at the bar, ordering a glass of water. the inside of your wallet buzzed and you pulled out your phone, rey already texting the code word.

kylo had arrived.

you told the waiter to hold onto your drink, getting up and headed to the sidelines of the building, near the entrance. you prepared, mentally and emotionally, for the girl he would bring in. he walked into the building, with three older people behind him, recognizing their faces from the pictures of the file. it was his adoptive parents, han solo and leia organa, and his uncle, luke skywalker.

and there was adrianna. she was your height, long black hair, honey tanned skin, a beautiful white-pearl smile and was wearing a long black silk dress, kylo having his arm wrapped around her waist. you wanted to scream and commit a murder. you had no chance up against her.

they were talking to new people and you watched in a safe distance, humming. kylo was wearing an all black suit, the plain usual. he never added a bright color to his outfits. you weren't surprised.

rey and xavier came up behind you, eyes widen from adrianna. "w-wow she's so.." rey mumbled and nodded, patting your back. "yeah, i can take her down. just take away her heels and we got ourselves a beating."

"you can't fight her. her father is the leader they're trying to kill, remember?" you said and xavier took a sip of his rum, thinking. "if she goes to the bar alone, i can distract her." he offered and you peeked at him, nodding too. "good, but you need to drag kylo away from her. they need to be separated."

you sighed and told them who is who, trying not to point. "well, his mom is going to the bar. you should attend to and act like you want to get to know her." rey told you and you smiled, giving her a thumbs up. you walked back to the bar, sitting down right next to his mom.

she was very gorgeous for her age, and her voice was kind when talking to the bartender. "do you know anything good?" you randomly asked her and she chuckled, shaking her head. "oh honey, i just get whatever i think is best for the night." leia responded and you both laughed, nodding. "i suggest for tonight you just drink champagne. very elegant and classy."

"champagne goes for anything, don't you think?" you smiled at her, giving off your innocent face and doe eyes. "you are right about that! you look awfully young, sweetheart. where are you from?" she questioned and you had to play cool, even natural.

"san diego. i attend juilliard."

"juilliard? that's crazy! my son goes there too! what program are you in?"

"drama." you simply said and her eyes went wide, chuckling. "my son is in there too! you must have met him." she said and you shrugged, smiling wider. "maybe or maybe not. i come and go a lot, i'm busy with movies or shows. what's his name? if he's here tonight, i could meet him." you responded and she nodded, taking a sip of her whiskey.

"kylo ren. aw, of course you can meet him! sometimes, i think he needs new friends or to meet people. he's an introvert." she said and you both got up, feeling very smart that you made up a believable lie on the spot. she asked for your name and you told her, both introducing yourselves. you smile never left. she held your hand on your way to the family and your heart was beating quicker than usual.

suddenly, you were placed in front of everyone and kylo went pale when he saw you, leia introducing you. "ah, pleasure to meet you!" han said and shook your hand, a greeting smile. you shook everyone's hand and kylo's last, smirking. he was angry, you could see it in his eyes.

"what brings you to us?" kylo asked and leia chuckled, shaking her head from how _rude_ her son sounded. "well, i brought her to you, kylo! apparently, she attends juilliard and in the same program as you." she responded and everyone smiled, trying to make the energy comfortable.

"well isn't that just fantastic! has acting always been a passion of yours?" adrianna asked and you were ready to go psycho on her model-looking ass. you wanted to sound elite to them. "of course. my parents always supported me on my dream and saw me as a star in their own eyes! my dad would say i was his special star, mostly _his little girl._ " you responded and looked at kylo for a few seconds, smile beaming. you were running over his limit.

"that's so sweet. what brings you to the gala?" luke questioned and you hummed, trying to make eye contact with every person. "my family is very close friends with the fashion designer of saint laurent. my father has known him since they were kids, so he always invites us to these events, and i need some new artwork for my penthouse." you said and they nodded, laughing softly.

"i'm going to go grab a drink. i will be back." adrianna said and kissed kylo's cheek, though he didn't react. "if you'll excuse me, i have to go to the ladies room. i'll meet you all for the paintings bidding." you said and they nodded, thanking you for joining them for a conversation. you texted rey about what happened and replied with how she saw it all with poe and finn. xavier was already making his ways with adrianna at the bar.

you strolled to the bathroom, sighing contently to yourself and looked around at the nice paintings. a strong, cold hand grasped onto your arm and you chuckled, smiling.

"what the _fuck_ are you doing here?" kylo asked and dragged you into the single person's bathroom with him, locking the door. you stood there in front of him, silent. "fucking answer me. this isn't a game."

"who the fuck is the girl?"

"what?"

"i said, who the fuck is the girl!" you yelled and he rolled his eyes from how dramatic you were being. "don't give me the fucking attitude, kylo. is she special to you? does she mean something?"

"god fucking no!"

"bullshit! you're always full fo bullshit!" you said and his brows drew together, scoffing. you both just stood there, looking at each other and he rubbed his temple.

"you need to go. now."

"are you really going to kill her father?"

"how do you know-"

"are you? yes or no."

he nodded and you smacked him, the sound echoing throughout the bathroom. "that man has a family and this isn't you. i know you don't want to be part of your family's mafia. chase after your own dream, not the one your family forces you to go after." you said and he shook his head, staring away from you.

"that man has done a lot of very harsh, vile, sickening crimes, that his own wife and daughter have no clue about. once we kill him, they're going to be under our protection, but we mostly fear for adrianna's safety since they're men who want to take her." he explained and you leaned up against the wall, adjusting your dress slightly.

"do they fear her safety or is it just you?" you asked and he didn't say anything else, eyes to the floor. "that's exactly what i thought. mafia or not, i think you give more of a damn about her than you do about me." you started off and forced him to face him, getting close up in his bubble.

"that's not-"

"don't tell me what is true and what's not true. i regret saying those three words to you. i regret spending those nights with you. i regret meeting you. i regret every single thing because kylo ren, you have broke my heart several times. a heart that i gave you to value and protect, because i thought you truly cared about me." you broke down into tears, being sure your makeup was ruined. "i don't know if for you it was just infatuation or a game, but i'm done."

you stood there and cried, sniffling. "i've known adrianna since we were children and before we were even aware of our family's business, so yes, i do care about her. but she's not you." he said and you raised a brow as kylo grabbed some toilet paper for you. you took it from his hand and looked into the mirror, dabbing away the tears. "and you are special to me. so special that i need you, rey, poe, and finn to go, immediately. i will have my chauffeur come get you all."

"kylo, no. we're here to help you."

"and just so you know, xavier is working along adrianna's father side." he said and opened the door, about to shut it. "fix your makeup and you'll be out of here. but i need xavier to stay."

you didn't response or spoke one word, putting back on your makeup. you tried not to go for another round of crying and looking like such a vulnerable idiot in front of kylo.

you were finished and he was waiting, grabbing your arm. "my chauffeur is about ten minutes away. if you're not gone by those ten minutes, security will escort you all out of here. now this isn't a game. it's life or death." he said and his hold was off, walking away from you.

"kylo, wait!"

then he came back to you and put his hands in his pockets. "what happened now, princess?" he asked and you shivered, biting your lip. "what exactly did xavier and adrianna's father do? please tell me, i pinky promise i won't say a single word." you begged and he looked around, leaning in close to your ear.

from what you heard made your heart drop, sink, shatter and were disgusted to your stomach. you would allow kylo to murder xavier now. "do what you have to do." you said and made your way to rey, anger on your face.

"whoa, what happened to you?" she asked and you pulled her, poe and finn away from the crowd to tell them. poe and finn glared at xavier who was still talking to adrianna and rey chuckled bitterly, already taking out her pepper spray. "do we go? i think we should go."

"no. i think after kylo does what he needs to, i can still pull him out of his family's mafia. i already warmed up to them, so this should be easy." you mentioned and they nodded, all of you still far from the crowd. it would soon be midnight and the gala would close up.

then the announcement for the bidding was starting.

"shit! i told them i would join them for it!" you screamed to yourself, trying not to fall in your heels or trip over the hem of your long dress. "but those paintings are fucking millions of dollars! there is no way you can afford one!" poe said and your eyes widen from the reminder of the prices of these type of paintings.

paintings that looked like a third grader made them.

"don't focus on me and the money. keep xavier in your sight." you told them and went back into the crowd, finding kylo's family already preparing for the bidding. they were all sitting with the small signs in their hands and you grabbed one yourself from the servant.

"so nice for you to join us, honey." leia said and patted the seat next to her, kindly taking the offer. you sat in between her and kylo. you wouldn't go away anytime soon.

"you never know how to listen, huh?" kylo whispered in your ear and you grinned, shrugging. "if i have to take my anger out onto you in a sexual matter just for you to fucking understand, i will. yet, then again, you enjoy shit like that because you're nothing but a filthy pet for me."

you didn't need to become aroused his family or him. you needed to show him you weren't so submissive, that you had control and power. he put something in your wallet and put a hand on your shoulder. "escort yourself to the bathroom than come back. tell my mother it's a female emergency." he commanded and you nodded, frowning slightly. "that's my good girl."

"excuse me, but i am feeling a bit sick to my stomach. i'll be back in five minutes for the bidding, please excuse me everyone." you said so politely and they smiled from how pure you seemed, even your voice was soft.

you went straight to the women's bathroom and into a stall, locking it. luckily, no one was inside. you opened up your wallet and the object itself was clear to your eyes.

"i am not putting in a fucking remote vibrator for you, kylo fucking ren." you muttered to yourself and groaned, pulling it out of your purse anyways. he wouldn't do shit. he wouldn't, not even in front of his own family. and you could control yourself easily. you could control your sensitivity. "whatever, kylo ren."

you did what you had to do and after a minute or two, it was finally adjusted to it's secure meant place. you left the bathroom and try to steady out your crazy heart race, cheeks puffing out when exhaling.

the bidding was starting in a minute and you made it back just on time. you sat back down and side eyed kylo. "i told my chauffeur to bring it just for you." he admitted and his hand dug into his pocket. "this should be fun."

with one click, the level was high and your eyes went extremely wide, but instantly controlled yourself, biting down onto your tongue and swallowed thickly. "aw, poor thing. do you need it lower?" he asked and nobody around you both could even hear what he was saying. his tone was so hushed and dark. you nodded and wanted to whine. it was too much. "you're my sweet little girl, aren't you?"

you nodded again. "after this bidding is done, you're going straight home. if you disobey, you'll get so much worse than you did last night. is that understood, angel?" he asked and you whispered an agreement, pouting. "good. now, eyes focused up front and i'll turn down the level slightly."

all night, you tried to focus but were sure you came a couple of times from the remote vibrator. you never held in so much noises before and were turned on. the bidding lasted about an hour and kylo's family would be going home with a few artwork.

"ah, mom. we should give some of the paintings to her, don't you think?" kylo said to his mom, referring to you. "yes, of course! you're a friend of ours now, sweetheart." leia kissed your cheek, patting it afterwards.

everyone was going back to drinking and talking to one another. you thanked his family for such a wonderful night and getting to know them, exchanging numbers with leia. she seemed so sweet.

you didn't say goodbye to kylo or adrianna, leaving them alone. in your span of five minutes, you went to the bathroom, cleaned off the remote vibrator and yourself, then tossed it into the trash. you led yourself to your group of friends and sighed, biting your lip.

"tonight has been long. we should get going." you said and they agreed, poe already being drunk from rum and vodka. finn helped his boyfriend walk outside and you were ready to crash out. "wait, where's xavier?"

"i saw him go with security. i think he did something stupid, i don't know. let's go home, please." rey pleaded and you chuckled, nodding.

you wanted to have kylo out of his family mafia by the end of your week.


	24. chapter twenty four.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> threesome. <3

you and rey walked into your apartment, tired and exhausted. you both took off your heels and went straight to the kitchen, finding something to eat. you sat on the counter, your dress puffing out and kicked your feet very child-like.

"tonight was long and unforgettable." you mumbled and she agreed, smiling. "i can't believe xavier would do those things." she said and you raised your brows, sighing. what xavier did with adrianna's father was inhuman-like. he killed families of other mafia leaders, being in several heist and killed people involved. he was just a plain serial killer.

"should we drink?" rey asked and you nodded, smiling. she poured you both few shots of vodka, tequila and two cups of whiskey. fifteen minutes into drinking, you were more wasted than rey was, mostly because she was a heavyweight. you and rey laughed about the stupidest things, still wearing your expensive dresses.

there was a knock on the door and you pouted, getting off the counter to check who it was. "i'm coming!" you yelled and opened it, revealing kylo. "oh rey, it's pretty boy!"

"how much have you had to drink?" kylo asked and you chuckled, shrugging. he let himself in, giving a curt nod to rey. "your breath even smells like alcohol."

"okay and?" you mumbled and whined, playfully nudging. "oh, pretty boy! have a drink!" rey exclaimed and you dragged him to the kitchen with you, handing him the cup of whiskey of yours. he took a small sip only and put the cup down, taking off his blazer. "what are you doing here?"

"came to check up on my angel." he responded and you bursted out into laughter, kissing his cheek. "she's not yours, pretty boy! she's all mine!" rey said and you smiled, hugging her tightly. she kissed your cheek and you blushed, holding onto her.

"is that so, rey?" he questioned and she nodded, giving him a thumbs up. "i'll even prove it to you." she told him and grabbed your face, kissing you. you were taken off guard, but reacted back, giggling.

kylo stood back and watched, his hands touching your waist. "enough with the kissing." he interrupted, pulling your lips away from rey's and pouted at him. "c'mon, you can just watch." you teased and whining, patting his chest. rey snaked her arms around your waist, keeping you close to her. kylo and rey had a stare down, complete silence. "i'm nobody's and you both can share me! there's enough to go around, fuckos!"

"rey, you mind coming with me for a second? i just need to talk to you." kylo said and she nodded, furrowing her brows. they both walked away from you and you decided to drink some water to calm down your body, humming softly. you cleaned up the area slightly, putting the alcohol away.

"angel." kylo called out and you turned around, rey's face being serious, yet intimidating. "whaattt!" you whined and he stuck his hand out for you, shoulder pointed back. you grabbed his hand and he held it, taking you to your own bedroom. rey trailed behind you both and you entered the room, kylo sitting you down.

you didn't understand what was happening and they practically towered over you, thinking to themselves. "i need to take this stupid dress off. it's so big and fluffy." you mumbled and asked for rey's help, her fingers zipping it down. "can you both turn around please? i need privacy!"

"there's nothing to hide, princess. we've seen your nude body before." kylo said and you flipped him off, slipping off the dress. your matching set of white lace panties and bra showed, pouting. you were slowly starting to sober up from how much water you drank. rey went to go grab something from her bedroom, leaving you and kylo alone for seconds. "stop looking at me like i'm your prey."

your best friend returned, hiding something behind her back. kylo grabbed your jaw, pressing a thumb to your lips and rey watched. "you're gonna be a good for us tonight, okay? you're going to obey us and do whatever we tell you to do." he said and you pouted, whimpering. you shook your head and wanted to throw a tantrum, but kylo pinned you down to the bed, resisting your arms from even moving. "did you not hear a single word i just said?"

you stuck your tongue out and he looked back at rey, who gave him a nod. she took off her own clothes, putting whatever she had in her hands on the floor, revealing her black bra and underwear. kylo let you go and stood up straight, fiddling with his belt.

your best friend crawled behind you and sat you up, forcing your mouth open. "be a good girl for us, princess." she whispered and hands ran down to your breasts, groping them.

kylo's unbuttoned his shirt, taking off his tie and took them both off, taking his cock out of his undergarment. rey pushed all of your hair back, taking it into a fistful and you looked up at kylo, who's member pushed inside your mouth. "that's our good girl." he praised and she bobbed your head up and down, hissing coming out between kylo's teeth. you whined and the head kept hitting the back of your throat, forcing your head to stay in place to take him all in.

"aw, do you like his cock, baby?" she asked and you nodded, gagging. you pulled back to get some air and whimpered, spitting out saliva. "come on, you can take it."

you shook your head and whined, looking at them both. "i think i know another way we can use her pretty mouth." rey told kylo and he smirked, nodding. he took off the rest of his lower clothing, along with his belt and he smirk never went away.

she laid down on the bed and kylo knelt on it, positioning you on your stomach and knees. "you know the drill." kylo reminded you and your ass stuck up in the air, facing rey who was smiling. he stripped off your underwear while you did the same to rey, tossing it to the side.

you felt his push inside of you and you gasped softly, eyes rolling back. your mouth came into contact with rey's cunt, licking it slowly and were too shy to even look in the eyes, making sure to not even stare at her for a second or two.

kylo started to thrust into you at a medium pace, your whines and moans sending vibrations to rey's cunt, as she moaned out your name. "you look so pretty like this, baby. using your mouth and hole for our pleasure." she said and chuckled, looking at you.

her fingers tangled into your hair, gripping onto it gently. you whimpered more and pumped two fingers into her, going slowly. her both shivered from the feeling and back slightly arched, biting her lip.

you had never eaten a girl out before and this was the first time, even for a threesome.

kylo picked up his pace, ramming into you and you squealed, trying your best to keep your mouth focused on rey. you sucked onto her bud as she praised you and grinned from the sight of you. they both had full control over you and knew how submissive you were to them.

you squirmed when the familiar feeling flowed through your stomach and kylo's hands grasped onto your waist, pounding into you. "no coming until you've made her cum." kylo said and you whined in the desperate to release your orgasm, holding it back.

your fingers and mouth worked in a more efficient and pleasurable way, pumping three fingers into rey now. her hands clutched onto the bedsheets and she reached her climax, moaning your name louder while coming. you finally let go of your own, whining loudly as you did so.

"sit up." kylo ordered and you nodded, sitting on your knees, waiting for what they'll do next. "such a good little plaything you are."

you smiled and nodded, chewing onto your lower lip. "open your mouth." rey said and you obeyed, her spit coming into it. she patted your cheek and you whimpered, pouting again. she was putting on something while kylo stayed behind you, placing hickeys on your neck and down to your collarbone, tasting you on his tongue.

she laid down on the bed, taking off your bra and pulled you close to her, hands on your torso. you looked down and saw what she was wearing, causing you to blush- it was a strap on. a cold metal wrapped around your throat and realized it was the chain collar, kylo holding onto the chained leash.

you slipped down onto the silicone object and moaned, your body laying on top of hers. she grabbed both your hands, interlocking them with hers and prepared yourself mentally. you felt a cold liquid run down your center and you knew where this was going, or at least where kylo was going. "just look at me, princess." rey whispered and you nodded, nuzzling your face into the crook of her neck. your arms went around them, holding onto her for support.

kylo's full member slowly entered your other one and let you adjust to his size. they both slowly thrusted inside of you, making sure you weren't hurting or crying. you cursed under your breath, holding tighter onto rey. "you remember your safe word?" kylo asked and you nodded, whining into her neck.

you whispered into her ear and she kissed the side of her neck, looking at kylo. "she said you can go faster." she told him and the two of them picked up their pace to a medium, gentle one, her arm looping around your waist for support.

you kissed her and moaned inside her mouth, feeling more of the cold oil run down your area to give kylo more easier access and a faster thrust. rey's silicone object drove into you faster than kylo's member did, your eyes rolling back and your hot breath touched her skin. "you both feel so good, holy shit." you mumbled and moaned, hovering over rey, both your stomachs touching, hands on both sides of her head.

it hurt and tried not to cry, finding it both pleasing and painful. you bit down onto your lip, slowly reaching your second climax already. your heart sped up and looking back at kylo, who's eyes were fixated on fucking you raw and harshly.

"i'm about to cum. please let me cum." you adjured and kylo denied your request, moaning. "please please, i can't hold it back."

"you'll get to cum when i do. is that fucking clear?" he asked and you nodded, tears stinging your eyes. you rested your head on rey's chest, her fingers stroking your head as they both continued to use your holes. you heard kylo groan, which meant he was close and you felt him pour his liquid inside you, pulling out in a swift with rey.

your body collapsed on hers and you could tell they wanted one more round, yet you couldn't take it anymore. you could end up in a wheelchair for being so sore. "no more.." you whispered and tried to catch a breath, your throat being dry. "dandelion, dandelion, dandelion.." you spoke up loudly as you could, trying to make yourself heard and they nodded, laying you down on the bed.

rey took off the object and harness, both of them worried. "talk to us, princess." kylo said and your eyes blinked, wanting to close for a sleep. "bath, please. clean.." you mumbled and kylo picked you up, being the one to take care of you.

"i got this, rey. go take care of yourself." he told your best friend and she nodded, kissing your cheek. he began the normal aftercare routine, giving you numerous forehead and nose kisses. "you okay?"

you nodded and rubbed your eyes, yawning. he placed you in the bathtub, the warm water making your body calm down. you could barley concentrate on kylo cleaning you and himself up, slowly falling asleep. "please don't go.." you murmured and he sighed, not sure if he really could. "never mind, ky.."

"no no, i'll stay. i'll be here when you wake up, i promise."

 _promise._ there goes your trust issues raising up again. your mind was in and out of sleep, finally having a clear mindset when you were on your bed, being changed into night clothes.

kylo tucked you into bed with your stuffed elephant, only in his undergarment. he laid next to you and you pouted, climbing on top of him. you liked when he held you like this, his arms around you protectively.

you drifted into a deep sleep after he gave you one last forehead kiss.


	25. chapter twenty five.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> adrianna invites you to a small brunch, only for her to tell you that she knows the truth of the relationship between you and ren.

you woke up and your arm reached out to the side of you, feeling for the body of kylo. he was gone, again. you groaned and pouted, your legs being extremely sore. "rey!" you called out and you heard her feet enter your room, a smile on her face. "i'm so tired. what the fuck happened last night?"

"you don't remember what happened last night? like at all?" she asked and you sat up, yawning. you stretched and shrugged, the sunlight coming into your room. you sat in your bed, thinking about it all and your pounding headache blocked out everything. "something happened at the gala, got told stuff about xavier and came back here." you replied and she seemed relieved, putting the painkiller bottle on your nightstand, with a cup of water.

"you don't remember that we.." she trailed off to give a second to think about it and you looked at her in pure confusion. your eyes widen to the remembrance of what had occurred the previous night and stared at her with bulked eyes of shame, yet surprise, cheeks reddening in embarrassment. "yeah.. we did that, but you're my best friend and i love you." she walked out, and you drank your water, wishing it was vodka. your phone buzzed and you unlocked it, seeing a message from leia. she wanted you to attend brunch with her and adrianna.

"just fucking perfect! i'm gonna fight a bitch!" you yelled and threw your pillow, wanting to break a vase. you responded politely, agreeing to it and asked if kylo would be there.

sadly, no. he was supposedly handling personal business. you decided to get ready and practiced on your walking, your legs like noodles. you could cry, but inhaled sharply, focusing on finding an outfit.

you knew what restaurant you'd be meeting up at, being fancy and for the wealth. you wore a regular white, midi flow dress and slipped on your black converse. you could care less about your shoes appearance. you put on small gold hoop earrings, brushing your teeth and hair, putting it up into a high ponytail, letting your baby hairs down.

you applied on a small amount of makeup, coming off more natural and sighed, checking the time. you covered yourself with a beige cardigan, your phone going into your purse and checked yourself out in the mirror. you looked presentable, hopefully enough to wow leia and adrianna. you were more worried for adrianna and what she had to say.

you walked out of your bedroom and to the living room, rey drinking some coffee, watching the news. "oh, where are you going?" she asked and you sighed, clapping your hands together. "having brunch with kylo's mom and his best friend, adrianna." you told her and her eyes went wide, nodding.

"good luck with that. pretty boy won't be attending with you ladies?" she turned her eyes to the screen, sipping his caffeine. you shook your head and she nodded again, giving you a thumbs up.

"i'll see you soon or later." you told her and headed out the front door, into the elevator. your feet tapped on the flooring and got nervous, your stomach twisting. maybe they just wanted to get to know you more, or they founded out who you actually are, and your relationship with kylo ren.

the elevator doors opened, a ding snapping you out of daydreaming and you went out of the apartment building, straight to the restaurant. the weather was nice, the wind breeze being cold and refreshing. you wondered where kylo went off to, worried for his safety. you already missed him and wished he actually kept to his promise. he probably didn't sleep at all.

you frowned at the thought of kylo and your feet continued leading you to the destination, eyes tearing up. you wanted to protect kylo and help him out of his family's messy mafia.

you were suddenly at the front doors of the restaurant, walking through them and the waiter smiled at your presence, greeting you. he knew your name and why you were exactly here. "miss leia and adrianna are back here, follow me."

you did and their table was very huge, reversed for only them. it was more of a personal room. you would never be able to have a wealth life like this. "aw, sweetheart!" leia cheered when she saw you, getting up to hug you. you hugged her back just as tight, and pulled away to greet adrianna, her lips touching both your cheeks.

you all sat down together, your heart about to pop out of your chest. "we ordered you a cup of lemon water, if you don't mind." adrianna said and you thanked them, smiling. your smile was bullshit and literally screamed _i'm gonna shit my pants right now._

in minutes, platters came to your table, being different meals and you could stab a fork through your eye right now. you were trying to freak out even more. you each talked to each other as you continued making up lies, your hands shaking.

"i will be back, i need to use the restroom." leia said and you nodded, eating a little bit more of your fruits. she left, being alone with adrianna. your biggest nightmare just became a reality.

you were sitting across from her and picked at your food. "so, it was really sweet of kylo to deliver the paintings to your home. he really is a gentleman." adrianna said and you smiled, chuckling. "yeah.. i think he was just trying to make a good impression on leia." you told her and she hummed, putting down her fork.

"and you had no idea kylo went to juilliard with you?" she questioned and you nearly choked on your blueberry, shaking your head. "uh no. even if i was there at the same time as him, we must have passed shoulders. it's hard for me to talk to men." you responded and she grinned, both of you looking at each other.

"yeah, kylo is a real man. he needs a woman in his life to keep him up and strong. not some silly little girl." she said and your fingers curled around your fork, ready to use it as a weapon. "so here's what's gonna happen. you're gonna cut the bullshit act and leave kylo alone."

"well, i really can't leave him alone when he claims to own me, so."

"owns you? what are you? his pet?"

 _yes i am,_ you thought. "and what happens if i don't leave him alone? we can't really stop talking since he is my partner for the play." you reminded her and smiled sarcastically, tilting your head.

she pulled out her phone and opened it up, a smirk on her face now. "i hacked into his cloud." she started off, slipping her your way, playing a video. you knew the video. "if you don't leave him alone, i will send the videos he took of you, to the head people of juilliard, ruining your career and more." she threatened and your heart sunk, body going cold. "he's mine, sweetheart. he doesn't want you and has only been throwing a sick pity for your ass since your own dad couldn't take care of you."

"kylo would never forgive you if you did that." you acknowledged, scoffing and heart beating more and more. "he cares about me.."

"he doesn't. now, you're gonna cut all contact with him and transfer to any different performing arts or college. i suggest that if you still want that movie, you'll listen to me. is that understood?" she asked and you nodded, silent finally. "you should go now. i'll just tell leia you weren't feeling well."

you obeyed and got up, grabbing your purse. your eyes burned with tears. pathetic tears and your heart broke, again. you could never, ever, compete with adrianna. she was the right one for kylo and you weren't.

"oh, and just so you know, his parents have been planning an arranged marriage for us for months now." she told you before you left, storming out of the restaurant in broken sobs. you just walked and walked, until you were far from the place.

you sat down on a bench in central park, crying to yourself and tried to catch your breath, sniffling. you felt like an idiot and you knew you shouldn't have ever gotten attached to kylo. you should've cut off the romance between you and him weeks ago. but it was too late and you were crying over him. crying over the fact you had to let him go to protect your future and yourself.

you were too late.


	26. chapter twenty six.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> xavier pays you a very surprise visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning; pleading of death, dark thoughts and stabbing

you were sobbing on the couch for the rest of your day. rey was out by the time you came back home, helping poe and finn with moving them into their new apartment. you were watching _the notebook_ , crying into your blanket and swore your head was going to explode.

you threw a middle finger to the screen and put down your bowl of honey cheerios, sniffling. there was a knock on the door and you groaned, wiping your tears. you got up and shuffled to the door, the blanket covering your body.

you were tired of looking into the peephole and didn't care if it was a murderer, here to kill you. you opened the door and saw xavier, standing there with no emotion on his stupid face. "what the fuck do you want, you motherfucking asshole? you fucking piece of shit." you spat and he was taken back, nodding.

"good to see you too. i'm here to talk." he said and you shrugged, carelessly letting him in. you didn't forget what he did, but kylo would probably handle him anytime soon. you sat down on couch, looking up at him. "i just wanted to tell you that, i have been trying to change myself into a better person. i want you in my life again and i know i can't make up for any of the bullshit i've done, but i want one more chance. please."

you dead stared at him, your eyes puffy and swollen. "that's all you came here for? for me to take you back?" you asked and he nodded, lips in a thin line. "that's not happening, and you know that."

"just because of the past?"

"yes, because of the past! xavier, you ruined me as a person! you're the reason why i think i'm so unloveable! you're the reason for so many things in my life that i'm trying to work on! what makes you think i would take you back after what you did?" you questioned and he took out his phone, showing you a picture.

a picture of adrianna and kylo kissing.

his hands were on her waist, holding her close to him. they weren't even around family or anything. it seemed real. you didn't know how much your heart could take. it was breaking down into unfixable pieces.

"they're a thing, and i know that. but that doesn't mean i will take you back. i don't need anyone." you told him and got up, but he grasped onto your arm, pulling you back to his body. "just one more try." he said and you rolled your eyes, sniffling more.

"if you haven't noticed, i kinda got my heart broken and i just want to be alone, forever." you muttered and he let you go, nodding. "kylo is just.. i don't know. what him and i had, wasn't even a relationship. there was no label to it, but i have to stay away from him now."

"and why is that?"

"because of adrianna."

his fingers touched under chin, looking into your eyes. "one more chance, princess. i promise that you'll be treated like royalty." he emphasized and you pushed his hand away, sighing. "come on, baby."

you stared into his pleading eyes and started to think. you tried to see good in him, but it was impossible. "no, xavier. i just can't. i'm sorry." you whispered and pointed to the door. "you need to go."

"please-"

"fucking leave!"

"don't yell at me!" he shouted back and you groaned, taking off your blanket. "get the fuck out! i'm tired of you and your bullshit! you're a fucking monster who kills innocent people for no goddamn reason! you're a fucking piece of shit who needs to burn in hell! i wish kylo killed your ass the first time you stepped foot in this apartment!" you shouted back, your voice cracking in between words. "so fuck you and your bullshit apologies because i am done."

"repeat that for me."

"i am-"

then the unexpected. a smack. a smack so harsh you could fall. your cheek stung and you held it, tears in your eyes. then came two more smacks. "i could get your pretty little boy toy killed if i wanted to. i work with adrianna's father, remember? i have easy access to him." he spat and pulled you close to him, feeling a sharp tip at your stomach. he was going to kill you. "or i could kill his father, mother or uncle. but i need someone who will weaken him cause of their death."

tears poured down and you sniffled, shaking your head. "please, xavier. don't do this." you mumbled and your lower lip quivered, crying. "shh, shh.. this won't hurt. i'm helping you release the pain." he said, pressuring the tip even further. it was at your abdomen. you broke down into more unbreathable sobs.

you rather die, though. you lost kylo and he was the only true light in your life. you were weak and too vulnerable. this was it and you didn't want to beg for a life that had no meaning to it.

"make sure.. kylo is happy with her, please." you whispered and he nodded. you closed your eyes and prepared yourself, shaky breathers coming out. "tell him i love him.."

you looked down at the weapon, not trying to put up a fight because xavier would win. he would gut you, probably.

your eyes went back to remaining closed and you rested your head on xavier's chest, not caring if you died in his arms. you stopped caring the moment adrianna threatened you. you would always be a sad, little girl who had too many issues to her and ruined such things.

"ready?" he asked and you nodded, sniffling, letting your last tear drop. at least you would get to see your mother and her mom- your grandmother who gave you her cardigan.

then a loud bang rang your ears, your body collapsing with the pocketknife of xavier's.

your ears rang more and you could barley hear anything. you looked up and saw kylo, gun in his hands. he had shot xavier in the head. blood was everywhere from the shot, and ran out of his head like a river.

kylo put away his weapon and started walking towards you, but you climbed back, going into the corner. you brought your knees up to your chest, hiding your face into your lap. it reminded you of when your dad hurt that friend of his, all because of a poor drug trade.

"don't touch me. please don't touch me." you sobbed out and hiccuped, shaking your head. "princess, it's me. listen to my voice, it's kylo." he softly spoke and you shook your head more and more, refusing to look. too much trauma came back. he saw it. "don't hurt me.. i did nothing wrong."

kylo slowly lifted up your head and your hair stuck to your teared cheeks, kissing your forehead. "you're not suppose to be here. s-she threatened me.. s-she.." you stuttered and he raised a brow, trying to comprehend your words. "you love her. the way you k-kissed her, and going to marry her.."

your mind was getting dizzy and you sobbed more, being sure you were going to black out. "focus on me, baby. i don't love her. i-i.. she's not you, as i've told you. i'll take care of her." he said and you couldn't concentrate anymore, body falling to the side.

kylo had barley realized xavier had sort of got his way into your stomach and you were bleeding from a slit that was made when kylo shot him. xavier cut you perfectly.

"focus on my voice, angel." he said and your eyes rolled back, blacking out in kylo's arms.


	27. chapter twenty seven.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ren finally comes face to face with his feelings and his heart. 
> 
> eight letters and three words.

kylo wasn't the religious type. he believed in god and such, but wasn't big on it. he went to church here and there growing up. he walked into the little chapel that the hospital had, alone in it. the room was dimmed, candles lit up and the jesus cross hung in front of his eyes.

he needed some sort of hope and maybe this could help. he went to the second row, pushing down the kneeling stand and put his knees on it, looking at the cross. he clasped his hands together in a prayer position, chuckling at himself.

"wow, i haven't talked to you in a while, big guy." he mumbled and sighed, keeping his eyes locked with hanging jesus. "listen. i need you to keep her safe and protected. i know that's a lot to ask for, but it seems i have failed to do that job. at first, it was me just being there, you know? being the figure she never had growing up or really needed. but over the weeks of knowing her, that changed."

a big lump got in his throat, trying to shove it down and make it go away. he wanted to cry. "i remember at her grandparents wedding, when i punched her dad and the fear in her eyes was so clear. i saw someone so scared and i was suppose to be her protector, making sure she would never be harmed ever again, even the slightest bit." he said and felt something roll down his cheek. a single tear. "but jesus, god, virgin mary, whoever is really listening, i can't bring myself to saying those three words to her face, and i don't know why."

kylo sniffled and continued to cry, his heart feeling true pain for the first time. the last time he felt this was when his father passed away. he knew it was okay to cry, being sure his father always did too. he was still that same scared little boy when leia and han took him in.

"but i love her, so much. i love her smile and laugh. i love the way she climbs on me, to hold onto me and doesn't want me to go. i didn't think it was this possible to love someone this much. i am so in love with her, and all i'm asking is for you to protect her when i'm not there, and not to think of me as a sinner. i believe killing xavier was right. so whoever is still listening, keep the love of my life safe and happy. amen." he finished and got up, putting away the kneeling stand.

he wiped away his tears and left the chapel, going to your hospital room. rey was sitting with poe and finn, all of them worried, outside your room. you were fine and stitched up from the slit, yet the doctor wanted you to get some rest.

"how is she?" kylo asked them and rey sighed, shrugging. "the same usual. still sleeping and calm. the last time we were in the hospital, was when she tried attempting.. that was years ago." she responded and poe side hugged her, the two best friends remembering that moment.

on the outside, kylo was okay and held together. on the inside, he was ready to murder adrianna, her father and anyone else that tried to hurt you.

a nurse was checking on your vitals, making sure your heartbeat was still stable and going. everyone stayed silent, kylo's leaning against the wall and waited. he was ignoring his parents calls, and even adrianna's. they weren't important.

"kylo ren?" the nurse called out and his head lifted, raising a hand. "she's asking for you." she smiled, leaving the room and kylo was taken by surprise, looking at everyone else. "we'll be okay out here, pretty boy. just tell her we love her." rey told him and he nodded, going into the room.

your body was cold and you were giving him your best smile, chuckling. "do you ever wear bright colors? especially for an situation like this?" you asked and he grinned slightly, pulling up a chair next to you. really close. he sat down and put your hand in his, the hand sizes being very different. your whole hand could wrap around one finger of his, and his hand was nearly the same size as your torso.

"how do you feel?" he was truly concerned and you could see it, your smile dying away. "i'm okay. the wound feels like a bitch, but i'm not too worried about it." you said and he nodded, trying to hold back his tears. you both stared into each other's eyes and you were seeing how glossy his were getting.

"ky?"

"hm?"

"it's okay to cry. there's nothing wrong with crying. you're human." you reassured him and he broke into tears, putting his head on your lap. your fingers combed through his hair, hearing his sobs and your heart clenched. "i'm okay, kylo. you saved my life, again. you've always saved my life."

kylo cried more, tears staining the blanket your lap was covered with. he picked up his head and sniffled, your hands instantly cupping his cheeks. your thumbs pushed away any more tears that fell, kissing his forehead. "did i fail you?" he asked and you shook your head, pushing away the strands of hair that fell in front of his face.

"you never fail me, kylo ren." you said and he nodded, resting his head on your lap. "in fact, you're my protector and my best friend. you're so special and incredible to me."

he didn't want to be your friend. he didn't want anyone else to have you or keep you as theirs. was that selfish of him? maybe, but he didn't care. his number one fear? _losing you._

kylo head was laying sideways, looking up into your eyes, his cheek being squished out by your lap. it was just eight letters, three words. eight letters and three words that he meant. eight letters and three words he wanted to say to you.

a dyad. a connection. a force, maybe. two that are one.

his head raised up one more time and he held both your hands tightly, squeezing them. you knew who kylo ren was. you knew who he actually was the moment he told you about his dad and what had happened. his family mafia. everything.

in kylo's mind, if he didn't go through with being the next one to the take lead, he would've gotten hurt or even killed. that's why he was willing to do it- to stay alive for you. he didn't want adrianna and that kiss he had with her was disgusting. he was being forced into something he didn't want and did make it to clear his parents that she wasn't the one. he would kill adrianna and her father, to keep them out of the picture and stop interfering.

in your head, you still didn't know if he wanted you or not.

he did want you. he wanted you in every lifetime or any other universe. if there was another universe for you both, he'd find his way back to you. he wanted no one else. he wanted _you._

"can you stand?" he asked and you shrugged, sitting up more. "i can try, but i may need your help. just don't mess up the needles that are in me and such." you said and he pushed back the chair, making room for you both.

kylo carefully got you up, one hand on your waist too. your legs had a bit of strength in them, using all your energy to keep standing. you were then in front of him, eyes looking up into his.

he kissed you and you reacted back, with it being soft, gentle and caring. way different from the other kisses you've had with him. this one meant something. he pulled back and his eyes sparkled, seeing a small twinkle in them.

they were full of love. love and hope. love and happiness.

eight letters and three words. eight letters and three words. eight letters and three words.

you've already said and you weren't sure if he ever would, but there was something different in his eyes. in the arts, you could tell how someone is feeling or what they're thinking by their body language, tone, emotions and facial expressions. you studied all those over the years of being in drama and even in juilliard.

kylo wasn't so tense, as usual. his body relaxed and he felt free. almost as if he was ready to show you his vulnerability and true color.

eight letters and three words. eight letters and three words. eight letters and three words.

he inhaled and exhaled, like something was finally coming off his chest, that he was letting it go and never allow it to come back. you weren't quite sure what it was, all you knew is he was ready to say something that seemed to be holding him back and he was now prepared. he wouldn't let anything else stop him.

"i love you." he said and in this moment, the world had stop spinning. the world took a second to let you process those three words he said. those three beautiful words. the world gave you a breather and to enjoy it. enjoy everything. the universe bursted into more stars and planets, being a sign of the love you two had. it felt like a string had pulled you two together and to meet one another- like the universe had created you two for each other.

_soulmates._

your mouth formed into a wide smile and chuckled, face burning up. you were happy. "i love you too, kylo." you responded and his toothy smile showed, being the most beautiful smile you have ever seen in your life.

eight letters and three words.

he finally said it.


	28. chapter twenty eight.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you and ren attend the mall to help out jones, but only for you to meet someone that kylo doesn't like, at all.

you had been out of the hospital for a week now and time was passing by quickly. the opening for the play was nearly a week away. you were nervous for it. you more nervous for leaving to los angeles. you still hadn't told kylo, and were indecisive if you did want to tell him.

you asked kylo what he did with xavier's body, but he always changed the subject and it made you suspicious. he also made sure you never worried about adrianna, saying he took care of her and the videos. you had to trust him.

"ah, that's the wrong fabric!" mrs. jones yelled at the costume designer for the fifth millionth time in the past hour. "she's totally going to lose her mind, isn't she?" poe asked, hugging finn from behind. you nodded and chuckled, shaking your head. "where is your boy at?"

"still talking to whoever on the phone outside, but i don't mind." you replied and smiled, sitting next to rey. you adjusted the near hem of the black oversized hoodie you were wearing, that actually belonged to kylo, then fixing up your black thigh highs, making sure they kept your legs warm enough. kylo's interior fashion was finally growing on you, your own self starting to slowly wear only black.

"we need beige, not metallic gold! if you can't do this right, the whole play will be a mess!" jones continued to yell and you all tried to hold in your laughters, covering your mouth with your hand. "theater sweetheart, i need your help!"

you nodded, getting up and approached her, tilting your head. "how can i help?" you asked and she sighed, taking off her reading glasses. "i need you and kylo to attend to the mall for me, getting the right clothing for the show. it seems to me that lily over here can't do that, and since you both are the leads, i want you to find the true fashion of romeo and juliet." she said and you nodded, seeing no problem with that.

"kylo is outside, so i'll drag him with me right now. by the way, have you heard anything from the agent?" you questioned and she nodded, putting back on her glasses to look at the fashion sketches from lily. "after the opening, you have a week to yourself to pack and say your goodbyes. you will be leaving five days after the play." she told you and you sighed, biting the inside of your cheek. "have you told kylo?"

"no, and i'm scared to."

"my sweetheart, you need to. i can see how he truly cares about you."

"how so?" you asked and she chuckled, shaking her head playfully. "come to me one day after rehearsals and we will talk. i can see something is bothering you." she offered and you agreed, hugging her. "now go get me some fashion!"

you laughed, putting on your backpack and said your goodbyes to your friend group, inviting them over later for dinner. you exited through the door and found kylo clutching his phone in his hands. "woah, big boy. we have some shopping to do for the play." you said and he sighed, nodding. "you okay?"

"yeah, just exhausted. what exactly are we purchasing?" he asked and you both strolled out of the building, his hand in yours. "fashion for the play. jones wants you and i to find the clothes of romeo and juliet." you spoke so sarcastically, laughing and smiling widely. "should we walk or?"

"i have a better idea." he grabbed keys out of his pocket, leading you to a black, shiny motorcycle and a grin was on his face. "say hello to my new darling."

"we are not getting on that thing. tell me we aren't going to the mall on that death machine!" you exclaimed, eyes widen and he nodded, giving you a helmet. "all you got to do is hold onto me, like when we are cuddling. i promise, you won't die or fall off, i'll make sure of it." he reassured and you sighed, getting on the motorcycle after he sat down first.

you put on the helmet, your arms looped around his waist tightly and rested your head on his back. "hold on tight, angel." he mumbled and the engine roared, causing you to squeal in surprise.

in a second, he was already driving off and your grip around him got tighter, making sure you weren't squeezing him to death. you closed your eyes the entire time, the fresh wind brushing past you. the turns he made were sharp and quick, speeding over the limit. he even cut people off and drove between cars. it was a real rush, a scary one.

you had your eyes closed for so long you didn't even realize kylo finally shut off the engine and you arrived to the mall. "if we die on our way back, just know your family is paying for my entire funeral." you said and he chuckled, both of you taking off the helmets. you fixed up your hair and got off the vehicle, sighing.

you looked down and frowned at your shoelace. "it's untied, ugh." you muttered and kylo patted his thigh, a sign to let him to tie it for you. you put your foot on his thigh, not wanting to leave a shoe print on his black jeans and watched him tie it perfectly.

"there we go." he finished, your foot going back to the ground and you reached for his hand, wanting to hold it. he interlocked his fingers with you, the two of you going inside the huge mall.

you didn't know where to shop off first really. you thought of just buying a few clothes and redoing them, basically making a whole new outfit out of them. "let's just go in and out of stores to see if we find anything good." you suggested and he nodded, letting you take him wherever you went.

and you did. you both were entering and exiting out of so many stores, you lost count. you got a few clothes, but not enough to please mrs. jones eyes. this was a hard mission that needed to be accomplished soon. you checked your phone and realized it was near four o' clock, needing to be back to your apartment around six or seven o' clock to help rey start up dinner.

you felt kylo's arms wrap around your waist, pulling you closer to your side. "what's wrong, bubba?" you asked and looked up at him, putting away your phone. "just showing a few bastards that you're mine." he said and your mouth went ' _o_ ', just going silent. now, you and kylo still weren't a thing, being sure you were far from ever getting into a relationship. he only said the three words one time and that was in your hospital room. ever since then, you totally freaked out on saying it to him, and he never once spoke those words, ever again.

"let's go in here." you considered the place that was a halloween costume store, every items and clothing being perfectly placed. it was neat and you wouldn't deny it. there was a few people looking around and a male employee, but he didn't give any attention to your entrance with kylo.

"let's split, for now. just text me when you've found something." you said and he nodded, kissing your forehead as he walked off to his own direction. you bit your lower lip and looked around, having to go on your tippy toes. you also had to protect your butt, hoping kylo's hoodie covered it.

"you need some help?" a voice asked and you turned around, seeing that male employee. you nodded and gave him a polite smile, letting him grab the white, long dress from the hanging rack. he had perfect brown curly hair, freckles and looked like a tim burton character.

he got it, handing it to you and you thanked him, chuckling. "thank you so much. i might need your help with other things since i am quite short, as you can tell." you told him and he laughed, shrugging his shoulders. "ah, no problem. i'm always here, helping people." he said and extended his hand, your own hand willingly shaking it. "kyle. kyle scheible."

you introduced your own self and kyle asked what college you were attending, telling him you were going to juilliard. he was very amazed and interested how you got there. "ah, that's a whole long story. there's so much to tell." you answered and he smiled, unlocking his phone then handing it to you. "well, i would love to hear about it sometime soon." kyle smiled and you gladly put in your phone number, thanking him. "have fun shopping, and i'll text you later."

he went back to working and you stood there, a smile on your face. kyle and kylo? what an odd world.

you sighed and continued looking around more, gathering up a few more outfits. you were getting tired and needed a nap, ready to crash out by the time you got back home.

you didn't see kylo in your near sight, texting him you were purchasing. you and kyle talked a little bit more as he checked out your clothes, saying he loved your outfit of the day, finding it very natural to him. he was a true sweetheart. "bye kyle." you muttered and chuckled on your way out, having three bags in your hand.

you found kylo, leaning on the glass window of the shop and a smirk was on his face. a smirk that wasn't playful or anything. he wanted to say or do millions of things, but you two were in public.

"come here." he said and his hand gestured for you to get close to him, doing so. he scanned the area and leaned in close to your face, cupping your cheeks. "you're so fucked when we get back to your place. so so fucked, princess. you're gonna understand this time."

you swallowed thickly and pouted, whimpering. "it's just a new friend and i don't see the real harm!" you defensively said and he grabbed the bags from your hands.

"i have a lot planned. let's get going now."


	29. chapter twenty nine.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> let's play game of who has control and gets to keep it for eternity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> harsh and brutal sexual acts are taken place in this chapter. it will also have a lot of twist and turns, but ends on a very good note.

you texted rey when she would be home, not wanting to be left alone with kylo for two or three hours. she told you she would be back around eight o' clock. it was only four.

kylo opened your apartment door for you both, letting you in first then himself. he put down the shopping bags and closed the door, your heart thumping nervously. "that new friend of yours wanted you, and i hope you know that." kylo said and you scoffed, rolling your eyes. "drop the attitude."

"what attitude? and kylo, i can talk to whoever the fuck i want because we're not together or anything. we are far from being a couple, and probably just friends with benefits." you reminded him and went to your bedroom, kylo following behind you. "i can talk to any guy or girl i want to. you don't own me."

"i don't own you?" he repeated and you spun around, stopping in your tracks. "yes, kylo. i'm not your pet, little girl, princess or whatever the fuck you say. you don't _own_ me." you said and he only smirked, humming. he started to walk forward, causing you to take steps backwards.

he took something out of his pocket and you didn't bother to look at it, knowing what it already was. "i don't fucking own you? i'm sure i do. you engraved my name into your skin, remember? because that's how much control i have over you, and i know you always need me, kitten. don't deny it." he teased and mocked a pout, your back hitting the wall. kylo hovered you and pointed the head of his gun under your chin. "i'm your god. your daddy. you need me, i'm all you really have."

you tried not to fall into a submissive headspace, breathing heavily. "and we're so perfect for each other, don't you think? we share one big thing in common." he evoked and you shivered when he pressured the gun even more. you stared up into his eyes and he forced open your mouth, the head of the gun being put inside of it. "we should really train this back talking mouth of yours, don't you think?"

you whimpered and shook your head, eyebrows drawing upwards together. "take off everything off _except_ the thigh highs, and i want you positioned sitting on your knees, in front of the mirror. if you decide to disobey, i'll make you bleed." he threatened and you followed along with it, stripping off ever clothing. you sat on your knees in front of the mirror and fixed up your black thigh highs, looking at your nude body.

kylo took off his jacket and shirt, opening your drawer. he hummed to himself and grabbed the pastel pink silicone object of yours, his gun in his other hand. he walked back over to you and squatted down to your level, the gun being held to the back of your head. he stuck the object to the mirror and looked at you, chuckling. "just pretend it's my own cock, angel. also, keep your eyes open and look at yourself as you do so."

you put your lips around it and tried to keep your eyes open, kylo keeping the fun to your head. he clicked the trigger here and there to scare you, which it did. you were being easy and gentle on yourself. kylo didn't want that. "dumb little girl." he mumbled, the gun going into his pocket and grasping a fistful of your hair, his nails nearly digging into your scalp.

kylo forced your head all the way down, holding it there and you gagged, eyes tearing up. "come on, little bitch. take it." he hissed in your ear and you whined, gagging more. the tip of the silicone was nearly blocking out air, your hands turning into fists. "aw, do you want to breathe, hm? you think you deserve to fucking breathe?"

you nodded and he pulled you back, chuckling. you drooled, trying to consume enough air and he smacked you. he put your mouth back to work, the tip hitting the back of your throat every time your head went down. saliva ran out of the corners of your mouth, down your chin. you created friction between your thighs, needing him and he saw that.

"you don't deserve my cock. not just yet." he said and yanked you up by your hair, tossing you onto the bed. he towered over you, pinning your hands down with his and you whimpered, shaking your head. "spread your legs and keep them open." he took out his gun and examined the black object, taking out the only bullet in it. you hoped it wasn't being used inside of you.

you were wrong.

he sat in between your legs, feeling the cold weapon go inside of you, stretching you out and gasped, gnashing your teeth. he wasn't slow with it. it went in and out of you at a hard, fast rate, the head constantly hitting the perfect spot. you moaned, the gun paining you and your back arched, trying to keep your leg open for him.

he rubbed your sensitive nub in slow circles, applying pressure on it and you squealed, squirming. your legs shot closed and he smacked both your inner thighs, leaving a handprint. the gun continued to fuck your hole, panting and desperately needed kylo. "please, i need you. i'm sorry." you moaned and he pretended like he didn't hear you, nodding. "i'll do anything, just please touch me."

"i am touching you, doll."

"you know what i mean!" you yelled in annoyance, pouting and kicked your feet furiously. "please!" you kept pleading and started to reach your high, debating if you should ask for permission or not. you wanted to test kylo. push over his limits, a bit more. you held your legs opened and had to use muscle to stop them from trembling or squirming. you inhaled sharply and ran out your climax, whining out kylo's name.

kylo weapon stopped moving, glaring at you. you were more than fucked. you truly, dearly fucked up. "first the boy and attitude, now this? you really wanted to be treated like a worthless fucktoy." he said and his chuckle was deep and vile, the gun coming out of you. he sat you up, smacking each side of your face more than five times, losing count after the ninth one. you teared up and pouted, sniffling. your face stung and was beat red, his smacks nearly knocking you out. "you fucking asked for this. you wanted to be a brat and test my limits. now, i'm going to overwork yours."

the coated gun connected with your jaw, collapsing you onto the bed. he took off his belt and tied your wrists behind your back with it, laying down onto your stomach. he zipped down and unbuttoned his jeans, removing them off with his undergarment.

with no warning, he tore your legs open and pushed himself into you, stuffing your face into the mattress. you could barley breathe as he pounded into you, his hand keeping you face downed and didn't want it to move one bit. your moans and whines were muffled, your fingernails going into your palms. he was malicious and you wanted a mouthful of air, your mind getting hazy. you sobbed into your blanket and feet kicked again, your mind back and forth.

you wish you could dominant kylo. and you could.

you fought your wrists out of the tied belt, hissing from how tight it was and in a minute, it was finally off. before you could even get air, you were flipped around onto your back. "i suggest if you want to actually keep your pretty face unbruised and perfect, you just simply fucking listen." he warned and you smacked him, hearing a small moan come out of him. a moan. a fucking moan. you could try getting into his brain, manipulate him into your power.

your hand snatched his jaw, tugging his face close into yours. "did the kylo ren just make a moan from a fucking slap? where's your dominance, huh?" you asked and he stayed silent, licking his lips. "come on, tough thing. say something. are you scared?"

he scoffed and now his hand was on your throat, pushing it down into the bed. "nice try, kitten. remember your place." he said and you gasped softly when feeling him go directly into you, eyes widening. "i will never _ever_ submit to you, or anyone in this entire fucking world."

 _let's bet on that,_ you thought to yourself. "all you are is just a pathetic, weak boy. aren't you?" you asked and he chuckled at your failed attempt, continuing to thrust into you. the eye contact was strict and heavy, smirks on both faces. "you enjoyed me hitting you. that moan of yours said so."

he tried to keep focus and gain more dominance, refusing to let you get into his head. he was submitting and you noticed it. "shut the fuck up, princess." he said and you whimpered when his tip hitting the good spot again, shuddering. "i won't submit, ever."

you leaned up close in his face and tilted your head, saying, " _we'll see._ "

he grunted and sweated, shaking his head. both of his hands held onto your waist, ramming into you and your body spazzed, cursing loudly. "fucking shit!" you yelled and your eyes rolled back, feeling your second climax. "cum with me, you filthy bitch." he said and you nodded, coming together. you squealed and your throat felt dry already, chest rising up and down in a fast pattern. "now what were you saying, whore?"

"i see right through you, ren."

"and i see right through you, princess."

you gathered up all your last energy while he pulled out of you and your hole dripping both of yours release. you put your hand on his throat and he moaned when your fingers clenched tighter. "there it is again. such a foolish boy you are, not even a man." you taunted and though he was much stronger and bigger than you, your muscles pushed him down onto the bed. you smirked in achievement.

you straddled his lap and never let go of his throat. if you could take a picture of submissive kylo, you would and probably print it out too. that hard, intimidating face of his softened and his dark eyes turned doe, even innocent like. you smashed your lips onto his, tongues slipping into each other's mouths, the kiss being sloppy and hot. you were on top of him, being lost in his taste.

the trigger clicked to your head and his lips were off of yours, finding it hilarious that you thought you finally got control of him.

"good try. better luck next time." he said and in a flash, your hair was in his hand, laying you straight flat on your stomach. "i guess you can say, acting is my best skill." a leather feeling touched your ass, stinging and you moaned, biting down onto the sheets. his belt bruised your ass, a dark red and nearly bleeding. one more hit and that would be it. he dropped the belt and jerked your body his way to the side of the bed, resting you on your stomach still.

"you're such a-"

"watch it. i'm not afraid to make you bleed and break." he stopped you from continuing on and you rolled your eyes, raising your brows in the manner of ' _sure you would_.'

a hard smack touched your ass and you screamed in pain, your skin finally breaking. he rolled you over onto your back, getting on top of you and spat in your face, slapping your cheek. your makeup must have been smeared and messy at this point. "you're all mine, angel face. you do not belong to anyone else, only to me. you're my pet and filthy fucktoy. only i get to touch you and fill your holes. is that understood?" he asked and you remained quiet, shaking your head. he hit you with the gun and the pain was too much, breaking into tears. "is that fucking understood?"

"y-yes."

"yes what?"

"yes daddy."

"that's my good fucking girl." kylo said and kissed you, spitting in your mouth afterwards, placing away his gun. you smiled small and touched his member, stroking it. he didn't stop you. he moaned for minutes and then they were switching to whines, trying his best to hide them. he was getting submissive. how was that even possible, from simply touching him?

"fuck.. please." he whispered and you smiled, nodding. you had something in mind. "just lay down and relax, bubba. i'm going to grab something." you said and he did so, taking yourself into rey's room. you opened her drawer and got her harness, silicone object, along with the oil.

you got back into your room, seeing kylo being calm and peaceful, patiently waiting for you. you climbed onto the bed, kissing his forehead and gave him a reassuring smile. you put on the harness, attaching the silicone object and started applying the oil.

you held his hand, the object slipping inside him perfectly and he moaned, your body hovering over. "you okay?" you asked softly and he nodded, sharing a sweet kiss with him. he moaned into your moans as you slowly and gently thrusted into him, his hand squeezing yours tightly. "i got you." you whispered and kept his legs split apart, practically sitting on your knees.

he moaned and groaned, hissing when your pace slightly picked up to a medium one. your fingers unraveled from his and used it to stroke his member, your thumb rubbing the slit. you multitasked with both and he sat up, looking down at his cock. he bit his lower lip harshly and whined your name, now mercilessly driving into him.

he groaned and threw his head back, your hand removing itself from his member. his hands gripped onto the bedsheets and moaned, his white liquid spilling out. it landed on the bed and his own stomach, his body falling down.

you got out of him and immediately took off the strap, pulling him into a warm hug. "are you okay? please tell me you're okay." you mumbled and he nodded, hugging you back tightly. "yeah, i am. let's get cleaned up." he said and picked you up, taking both of you to the bathroom.

during the usual aftercare routine, you and kylo kept quiet, only talking when it came to reassurance. you were exhausted and rather sleep than have dinner, pouting. you changed into only underwear and a baggy thrifted tee, kylo putting on his boxers and a pair of sweats you had for him.

the bed comforter were changed and you got into bed with kylo, the sun setting finally. you texted mrs. jones if you could meet her later for a talk and she said she would be at juilliard until eleven o'clock. all you had to do was wait for kylo to pass out.

kylo curled up next to you, nuzzling his face into your chest. you kissed the top of his head and held him close to you. "goodnight, kylo. you did very good." you muttered and closed your eyes, going to sleep with him.


	30. chapter thirty.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you go to jones for comfort, as she has clear insight of who kylo ren is and helps you understand your connection with him.

you woke up to a passed out kylo next to you, arms around you too. you smiled small and noticed the time was _8:54PM,_ needing to get up. you carefully wiggled your way out of his arms, not trying to wake him the slightest. your legs were sore, taking painkillers dryly to help.

you covered kylo with all of your blanket, kissing the top of his head, putting on pants, covering yourself with a beige sweater. you slipped on your converse and only grabbed your phone, leaving your room. in the kitchen, there was your friends. "ah, hello sunshine." poe said and smiled, all of them laughing.

"hey. i can't attend dinner right now, i have to go meet up with someone. but, we can totally do something together tomorrow or whenever we're free from rehearsals." you offered, smiling kindly and they nodded. "okay, great. um, kylo is in my room sleeping, so please do not wake him up. if he does and asks where i'm at, just say i'm getting something."

they agreed and said their goodbyes to you, watching you get out of the apartment. you sighed and made your way straight to juilliard, hands clamping up. you needed someone's fresh perspective or advice of what you were feeling and thinking when it came to kylo. mrs. jones knew you as a person. she was a mother figure to you, and you trusted her.

for once, new york was quiet and calm, barley any honking or taxi drivers yelling. it was a full moon too, shining more brighter than the sun ever did. you loved it. you remembered your mother telling you the sun and the moon story- how the sun loved the moon so much, he died every night just to let her breathe. that the two were so deeply in love.

you opened the doors and went to the auditorium, finding mrs. jones looking through the scripts. "hello, honey." she said and smiled, putting the papers onto her desk, bringing you into a warm embrace. you hugged her back and tears already wanted to spill from your eyes.

mrs. jones was her own person. she dressed way different than the other teachers or people- she had a fashion of a hippie. she was a sweetheart and cared about each of her students, helping them make it big one day. overall, she was more than a great human being.

she sat down with you, both of you looking at the stage. "what is bothering you?" she asked and you sighed, shrugging. "honey, i know you. something is going on."

"kylo."

"what did kylo do?"

"he didn't do anything. it's just, i want something more with him, and he told me those three words a week ago, but now, i feel like he didn't really mean it." you started off, running your fingers through your hair. "and i just want him to love, truly. i don't want him to love the idea of me, or having me."

"love is the strongest thing in this world, or even universe. have you told kylo any of this?" she asked and you shook your head, her eyes on you. "i don't know how to talk to him, or really express my feelings. i'm even having trouble trusting him. it's all so messy and complicated, i hate it." you replied and she nodded, putting her hand on top of yours.

"the reason why the relationship is like this is because of your dad. growing up, he lied to you. he made you feel like you couldn't talk about how you felt. you couldn't trust him anymore. you are never able to maintain a healthy, trustworthy and communicative relationship because you never had one with your dad. did kylo become protective over you? or made promises?"

"yes, actually."

"i know kylo, too. here's the thing you both share in common- having fathers that left. the same similarities, too. since he knows your relationship with your dad was never good and he lost his, he became that sort of figure in your life to make you feel happy and hopeful. he understands the impact your father had on you, and that's why he is so protective. he lets you know that though, your dad was never there and never took care of you, if you stayed with him, he would do whatever he could to make you feel loved." she explained throughly and clearly, your heart hurting from the fact that she was right.

you had to take a few minutes to think about what she said, finally getting the point of it all. the relationship kylo wanted was where he was able to the person you needed the most. if you were his little girl, he could give you everything that your father never did. yours and his daddy issues made a bond happen.

"and it's not that he can't love. he's afraid to. he lost his father, sweetheart. he cried to me about it, just like how you did with yours. you and him have a relationship that only you two can understand." she told you and you felt a tear roll down your cheek, cleaning it away. "i mean, gosh. i can't believe what his father did, it was awful."

"what do you mean?" you asked and sniffled, raising a brow. "his dad, han solo. it was awful what him and his wife did. heartbreaking, almost." she continued on and your brain didn't understand a single thing.

"his dad is snoke ren."

"honey, his real dad is han solo. when kylo was born, leia and han weren't ready for a child, so they gave him up to snoke ren. snoke changed his name to kylo ren and then when he died, they took him back. he told you this, didn't he?" she was getting quite bewildered and you shook your head, chuckling bitterly.

"no. he told me his real father was snoke ren, then han and leia adopted him because he was in the foster system, changing his name to ben solo, which he didn't like. but, he saw snoke as his real father. a true, parental figure." you were shocked and it was unbelievable. kylo lied to you. he lied and twisted his story around. "i have to go."

you got up and she did too, a hand on your shoulder. "do not be mad at him. i'm sure he had a good reason." she assured and you nodded, leaving her there without saying anything else. your phone buzzed and it was rey calling you.

you accepted it, putting the phone up to your ear and started to walk back home. "what's up?" you answered, hearing poe and finn mumbling in the background. "okay, so, pretty boy left about five minutes ago and our nosy asses followed him, but we went down the staircase instead. he left with a group of people in a big ass car and he was talking about something with them. we couldn't exactly hear, but all we got was he was going to be gone for a while." rey stated, telling poe to shut up.

"for a while? where the hell is he going?" you started to freak out even more, beyond pissed at kylo. "i don't know! he didn't even say anything to us or question your whereabouts, before he dipped. he even seemed pissed off when he left. i heard him talking about mexico city, though." she mentioned and you stopped in your tracks, eyes wide.

"mexico city?!" you yelled and people around you turned their heads, giving you looks. "okay, everyone put on your shoes. we're breaking into kylo ren's home. we need information and what the fuck he is doing."

you hung up the call and groaned, storming away.


	31. chapter thirty one.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you break into kylo's house. simple as that.

kylo's home had a security pad outside of it, all four of you trying to think of anything stupid thing that was important to him, standing there for endless minutes. "maybe try his birthday again!" poe told you and you tried one time, access being denied. "fucking shit, this is impossible! the guy is secretive!"

"oh, i got an idea! try the day you two met." rey thought and you chuckled, thinking it would fail. then the green dot showed and you looked at them, laughing nervously. "told ya."

you all walked in and his penthouse was huge, turning on the lights to only have chandeliers sparkle bright. "holy fucking shit." finn muttered, looking around with his boyfriend. "let's go steal his food."

you laughed, searching around and found kylo's laptop in his office, sitting down on the leather chair. his office was filled with so many books, you weren't even sure what each one contained. rey came in and eyes widened from everything too, nodding. "can i snoop through his filing cabinets?" she asked and you shrugged, turning on his laptop. "it needs a key but i'll just use my bobby pin."

the device finally turned on and it also required a password. "fucking hell, he is too private." you mumbled and had to think to yourself again, typing in so many different passwords. it took you about ten minutes. "i'm never going to figure this out! plus, our flight leaves in like two hours!" you groaned in frustration, pouting and tapped your foot.

"maybe try a nickname he calls you and his age as the numbers." she suggested and you had to think of a nickname, since he gave you so many. a lightbulb turned on in your brain and your fingers typed in _littlegirl23,_ his home screen showing. you smiled and there was so many files, humming in thought.

poe and finn came in with bags of food in there hands, even alcohol. "this motherfucker's pantry and fridge is filled, like a shitload." poe said and you chuckled, finding a file that said _her._

rey opened up the filing cabinet, fingers and eyes skimming labels of each file. "uh, babe. he kinda got shit on you." she told you and your eyes peeked up from the screen, your hand sticking out for it. she grabbed it and gave it to you, the file being thick and heavy. you opened up the document and it all contained your life. information on your father, mother, both grandparents and yourself.

"he.. studied me?" you questioned to yourself, reading each paper. "i would like to say stalking." finn butted in and you shook your head, pushing away the file. "i mean, the dude is kind of psychotic. we don't even know what happened to xavier, or where he disappeared to."

you moved the mouse and clicked on the _her_ file, images and videos popping up. "uh, poe and finn. can you like uh, go just for a minute. maybe go steal kylo's clothes or something." you told them and they left willingly, rey standing next to you.

images and videos of you, when you were real aware he was using his phone during those intimacy moments. but it also had videos where he recorded moments of you and him cooking together, or singing your favorite song _just the way you are,_ which became his favorite instantly. he recorded special moments.

"i think he loves you." rey said and you smiled, nodding. "i think so too. but that doesn't change the fact he ran off the mexico city and may not come back for like a month. and don't forget, we have a play that's happening like next week." you responded and she sighed, sitting on the desk, looking at you.

"you're gonna run off soon too. you still haven't told him." she reminded you and you went back to looking at the laptop screen. "you can't leave this dude without a goodbye or anything. he cares about you."

"he only cares about me because i have fucking daddy issues. it's basically a pity party."

"bullshit." she scoffed and your nose crinkled in thought, going to another file. "if you don't tell him by the time we find him in mexico, then i will." she got off the furniture, leaving you alone.

you rolled your eyes and founded out where kylo was staying at in mexico city, on some sort of mission. a mission on murdering adrianna, adrianna's father and their whole mafia. you had to stop him. he could die and you didn't want that. you were ready to follow him to adrianna father's headquarters, where he would eliminate every single person. you needed to stop it.

you decided to take his laptop with you, stuffing it inside your backpack and zipped it up afterwards. you opened up his desk drawers, finding the several polaroids he took of you. he saved them and even put the dates on them.

telling him or not, you would end breaking his heart.

you got out of his office and closed the door, rey sitting on the couch and looking through his bills. finn was sitting on the kitchen counter, giving poe kisses here and there. "you got everything?" rey asked and you nodded, hearing a car honk outside. someone was coming. "shit, hide and seek time!"

everyone speeded to his second floor, going separate ways. you heard the front door open and weighty footsteps enter inside, your heart racing. you ran into kylo's bedroom, crawling under his bed and laid down flat. "i don't see any sign of them, mr. ren." the male spoke and kylo was on speaker.

"find her and them. look for any missing items as well, especially my laptop." kylo said over the phone and you knew you were so fucked. he had security cameras outside his home and you didn't recognize it the slightest.

you pulled out your phone and texted the groupchat you had with your best friends, panicking. you told them to quietly walk to kylo's room and the last person to close the door behind them. you also received another message- kyle had texted you.

"not fucking now, dude." you whispered to yourself in annoyance, rolling your eyes. you saw rey's shoes come into the room, with poe and finn trailing besides her. the door closed and came out from under the bed, letting out a heavy exhale.

you slide kylo's window upwards, looking down at the grass backyard of his. "i think we would probably land on our asses." you said and poe stepped in front of you all, stretching his muscles. all three of you glared at him, eyebrows drawing together in confusion. "just jump or i'll push you, bitch!"

the footsteps were now heading upstairs. poe jumped and safely landed on his feet, reaching his arms out for finn. finn firsy dropped their bags of to him, needing a snack for the trip. their relationship was too romantic and made you want to gag. it was finn, rey and lastly you. you dropped your backpack to them and the footsteps were getting closer to kylo's room each passing second.

you sat down on the edge of the window, carefully plopping down and fell on your ass. "motherfucker, that hurt so bad." you complained and got up, all of you jumping over the fence. you got your backpack from rey and sighed, cleaning the dirt off your pants.

"that was a close one." finn acknowledged and you chuckled, patting his back. "hey!" the male voice yelled and you all turned your heads, the panic rushing back.

"run.. run!" poe yelled and you all bolted off, just running until you reached your apartment building.


	32. chapter thirty two.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you think you are hidden in secret from kylo in mexico city.. think again, and maybe choose a different hotel next time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING. okay, so. i have to put a warning for this chapter because this one is very brutal and harsh. kylo being a psychotic motherfucker, with a lot of knife playing/branding involved. this chapter also contains extreme dub con to non con. it's very heavy, intense smut in here. if you can't handle any of this, stop reading. stuff that happens in this chapter is meant to stay in FICTION ONLY. i am in no way supporting, accepting nor romanticizing dub con to non con. thank you and enjoy.

the flight to mexico city was tiring. by the time you all got to the hotel, everybody was ready to crash out. rey booked suite rooms for you two, then poe and finn. the hotel was quite beautiful, on the outside and inside. it was mostly made of glass and high priced furniture and art. the beds were inside, as their was a huge patio outside and being at the near top of the hotel.

your best friend was snoring, moving around in her sleep and you stared at the ceiling, thinking about kylo. you wondered where he was right now. all you found on his laptop was a bunch of documents, files on adrianna's father, bank account money and much more.

you decided to check out the bar they had, hoping to maybe get a small drink in and just think without a snoring person beside you. you got up and put on your original bunny slippers, being in black sweats and a rock band t-shirt. the time was _1:32AM,_ not being so late and you made your way out of the hotel room, straight to the bar.

nobody was really awake in the hotel, people coming and going- mostly party people. you were alone in the elevator and you just wanted your brain to stop thinking about kylo and everything you found on his laptop, wishing he never lied. this is why you could barley ever trust anyone, even a guy.

the elevator dinged and your feet padded on the floor, strolling to the bar. you put your hair up into a messy bun and yawned, only finding a couple at the bar. you sat down on the stool and smiled at the bartender, ordering a dirty martini.

you huffed and your drink came in under two minute, taking a small sip from it. your fingernail trailed against the bar's wood interior and ate the olive at the stupid memory of kylo saying he would protect you. you wanted to kick him, scream at him, maybe throw a fruit at him. you were just angry and confused.

"that looks great." a voice said. a voice too similar and caused shivers to run down your spine. you were fucked, figuratively, literally and sexually, probably. your heart raced and you tried to swallow the fear away. you could scream or run. but he would get you, either way. you turned your head and saw kylo, who was smirking. "you know, you should really stop putting yourself in these situations."

"kylo, i can-"

"shut the fuck up." he snarled, yet no one heard him from how hushed his tone was. he leaned in closer to your face and ran a thumb over your lower lip. "just because you fucking dominated me once, doesn't mean shit. you do realize i have you wrapped around my finger, right? that i can get you to submit to me anytime?"

you whined and he chuckled, shaking his head. he gave the bartender a tip and grabbed your arm, forcing you up from your seat. "kylo, please. i can explain everything and i can even give you back your laptop if you want!" you blurted and smacked a hand over your mouth, not trying to sink deeper into the quicksand, walking to the elevator.

the elevator chimed, doors opening and he dragged you inside of it. the doors closed and you looked up into his eyes, biting your lip. "i don't tolerate disobedience, and certainly, you've overworked my limits, especially by coming here." he said and you rolled your eyes, clasping both your hands together.

"i came here to help you, even after what i saw on your laptop." you mentioned and the doors opened right back up, your hand being held by kylo's. "stop taking my hand! i'm not a little girl!" you shouted and he kept pulling you towards his hotel room, his two knights of ren opening the doors for him. "let go of me!"

he stopped in his tracks and shrugged, throwing you over his shoulder. "put me down or i will cut off your balls and feed it to pigs!" you shouted and you heard him chuckle, sighing in content from you pathetic act of just kicking your feet.

you were suddenly put down on a bed, black silk sheets covering it all. he took off your slippers than his own shoes, tilting his head and you both stared at each other. "if you're planning to fuck me, just know rey did a way better job than you ever did." you started to push his buttons, grinning and crossed your arms over your chest.

kylo took out his gun, checking it for bullets. "oh, looks like this one is filled. let's keep it that way." he let a single bullet drop and your heart sunk, shuddering. "you don't really want to test a sadist, now do you?"

"i've been fucked better by other people."

"if that's so true, why do you keep crawling back to me? is it because you have a sickening addiction to me and i'm the only one who can fulfill your desires? you can't leave me anyways. if you ever do, i'll fucking kill you." he threatened and you smiled, flipping him off.

"you don't have the balls nor guts to do anything to me. it's just the same old bullshit." you taunted and he pointed the gun outside the window, pulling the trigger. the bullet broke through the glass and you flinched, hearing the shatter of it.

"you've overworked my limits. now let's do yours." he said and riled you up by the hearing of the gun clicking. he put the head of it to your forehead, smirking. "strip. every single thing must be off."

you sighed and slowly took everything off in a teasing manner, a innocent smile on your face. you let your hair fall loose, running your fingers through it. your panties came off last, spreading your legs and showed him your cunt.

"you know what i love about this room, princess?" he asked and you chuckled softly, tilting your head. "just look up at the ceiling and you'll see for yourself." he pointed and your eyes went up, the ceiling being a mirror.

kylo unbuttoned his shirt, taking it off and then unbuckled his belt, slipping it right off. you always forgot how his body was molded by god himself, being perfectly toned.

"i bought you a few things. i was hoping to give them to you once i got back to new york, but i think now is the appropriate time to present them." he said and you raised a brow as he got something from under the bed. it was a black box, with a right bow on it. he put it next to you and took off the lid, humming. "i know your favorite color is pink, so here you go." he took out pink, leather handcuffs that were fuzzy on the inside and you admired them, eyes widened.

kylo got the next item, which was a blush colored choker collar that could take up your whole neck, having a ring to it and a little heart was attached to the ring. you looked at the heart and it had kylo's initials engraved into it. he helped you put on the collar, making sure it wasn't too tight around your neck and then did the handcuffs, making sure those were tight and put your wrists behind your back.

he played with the little heart and smiled in amusement, putting down his gun and took out the last thing from the box. a new switchblade. it was a full red one and you took in a sharp inhale when he pressured it to your stomach. "i haven't broken you just quite yet. i think tonight is your lucky night." he dragged the tip up and down the middle of your body, stopping at your torso.

you were completely restrained and didn't even respond to a single word he spoke, trying not to give in. his hand trailed down to your cunt, fingertips brushing over it and you whimpered, biting your lower lip harshly.

"oh? you don't want this?" he asked and you didn't know what to say, eyebrows raising in desperation. you both stared at one another, kylo breaking it with a scoff. "you see, you brought this upon yourself. you disobeyed me more than a few times. coming here was the last straw. you don't get to use the safe word at all. i'm done being gentle and easy on you."

"yeah, heard that one before. you're pathetic and weak, ren."

he just kept humming and his hand grabbed a big chunk of your hair, gripping on it. he pulled you to the floor and onto your knees, and you looked up at him, watching him take a chained leash out of his pocket and he attached it to the ring.

kylo got a good grip on your hair again and used his other hand to take off his lower clothing, your throat going dry when he was finished stripping himself. he patted your cheek and smiled, smacking you then tugging on the leash.

he curled most of the chain around his knuckles, his other hand still in your hair. "open your mouth." he said and you obeyed, his spit going inside. he never gave you warnings, his cock thrusting inside of your mouth suddenly and you moaned, hating yourself for having a gag reflex.

he made sure your head never moved, being completely paralyzed under his strength. his teeth clashed together, hissing and moaning between them, using your mouth to get off. your throat got the treatment of his tip hitting it every second and you tried to breathe, eyes tearing up.

you could feel his nails digging into your scalp, trying to pull away to get a taste of the air and not of him. he was stronger than you and he let go of the leash, both hands in your hair, shoving your head up and down. "you're only good enough for my pleasure." he mumbled and you tried to nod, which was impossible. his cock driving more into your mouth, he grunted and with no given signal, he came inside it.

the taste of it ran down your throat and you were able to breath again, gasping for air. "that was barley anything." kylo said and smirked at your tears, backhanding you, your body collapsing to the floor. he stood you up on your feet by yanking your hair and flailing you onto the bed, laying you flat on your back.

kylo separated your legs and your body squirmed when feeling him push inside of you, gasping softly. both his hands wrapped around your throat, nearly blocking your airway and he pounded inside of you, being helpless and weak under him. your mind went back and forth on the thought of still overworking him, not caring if the night ended with you being completely braindead.

his hands stayed on your throat, pressured down into the mattress and you could barley breathe, eyes rolling back. your moans and whines were quiet, sounding more like croaks. he was lashing out his anger and frustration on you, like setting a forest on fire, creating a raging and wild one, impossible to burn out. you looked up at the mirror ceiling, seeing your facial expression in it.

your neck was free from his hands, inhaling the air and he grabbed onto the headboard, maintaining his rough, fast pace. you barley ever recovered from the couple nights ago, probably going to need a shit ton of painkillers.

your back arched and legs trembled, squealing. "please, holy fucking shit!" you shouted and he shook his head, refusing to let you come. "you're not allowed to cum until i fucking say so. until then, fucking hold it." he spat and you whined, tears in your eyes again. the knot grew tighter and bigger, finding it impossible to obey him this one time. you yelled his name as you came, not caring of the consequences and panted.

kylo looked down and back up at you, glaring. you received another backhand, this one harsher and rougher. he flipped you around onto your stomach, raising your ass to the air and stuffed your face into the pillow, hand holding it down.

you felt his saliva run down your area, slapping your cunt and you whimpered, closing your legs. both your thighs got smacked, kylo forcing your legs back opened. you heard him reach for something and let go of your head, not wanting to disobey and be gifted with his hand to your cheek again.

you heard a click and your stomach turned, the gun being to the back of your head. "now, when i say don't cum, you better be a good girl for me and just listen. is that understood?" he asked and you nodded, keeping your face down. your teeth bit down onto the pillow when feeling him push into you- somewhere that rey had only been in when the threesome had occurred.

kylo didn't allow you to adjust to his size, biting your lip from how it hurt and more tears spilled, fingers curling from the pain. the gun was pulled away from your head, feeling the cold metal of it touch your cunt. _this is not fucking happening,_ you screamed in your head, biting harder onto the pillowcase when the gun made its way into you, being completely stretched out.

you tugged at the cuffs, a gesture for him to take them off. he realized it and grinned, thrusting himself and the gun into you, your body being overwhelmed from it all. you laid your face sideways, trying to steady your breathing pattern and kylo's free hand rubbed your cunt, with the gun still working in it.

though it hurt, you still found pleasure in the pain and moaned loudly, your eyes squeezing shut. you could say you were surprised how he was able to multitask.

the knot feeling came back and your body twitched, whimpering. "don't fucking cum, don't you dare fucking cum." he warned and you nodded, breaking down into broken sobs from the ongoing pleasurable pain and holding in your climax. he kept going and you sobbed more, squealing. "you may cum now, sweetheart."

"t-thank you, god." you whispered and choked on your tears as you released your high, feeling kylo's pour into you too. he took away the gun and pulled out, both holes dripping. he took off the cuffs, rubbing your wrists himself. you coughed and hiccuped, sniffling as well, with kylo turning you around on your back.

he kissed your forehead and wiped away your tears, giving you a small reassuring smile. he put away the gun and chose the next weapon of a switchblade, observing your stomach. "just relax for me, doll." he muttered and the tip poked into your skin, inscribing new words into you. you bit down onto your tongue, the pain becoming unbearable and more tears escaped your eyes.

he put something on your stomach, your thigh and your ass. you were branded by him. your stomach was his initials, your thigh being printed with _pet_ and your ass had _mine._

you were bleeding and it all stung, kylo smacking your ass on the same spot where he engraved into you. it hurt like hell and you yelped, your face all red, cheeks covered with tears. he found it entertaining as he slapped each word multiple times, leaving handprints too.

kylo's wasn't done, pumping three fingers into you quickly and your back arched, crying. your hands clenched onto the bedsheets, nails digging into them and tried your best to take it in, moaning. you couldn't decide if you found the pain amazing and delightful, or just crazy.

it was easy for you to cum now, shouting curse words and sat up on your elbows, kylo's mouth touching your cunt now. his tongue did magical work, your fingers combing through his hair and grasped it gently, feeling yourself freely let go of your climax, groaning.

kylo mouth detached from your cunt and licked his lips, his fingers coming out of you. he put them on your lower lip, your lips going around them and tasted yourself, whimpering at it. you tasted like heaven.

you were a sobbing wreck and he showed no little sign of mercy. "have you learned your lesson?" he questioned and you couldn't speak, only nodding. "are you sure, princess?" he raised and you nodded once more, sniffling. he hummed and took the collar off, throwing it to the floor.

"b-bath, please.." you muttered, sounding so vulnerable. kylo sighed and went to the bathroom, running a warm bath for you. you curled up into a ball on the bed, tears never going away. you felt like you needed a wheelchair. he came back and scooped you up into his arms, kissing the side of your head.

he placed you down into the bathtub, the warm water relaxing your muscles and body. he joined in behind you, pulling you close to his body. he put kisses on the back of your shoulder and neck, washing you up. "you did good, but please remember i have a certain limit and you do not go over it, or you'll get this result." he reminded you and you nodded, curling up into his body.

you just needed him and wanted to be in his arms instead, no talking. you didn't need reassurance or some sort of praising. kylo was careful to wash your body since you were practically falling asleep in his arms, giving you kisses here and there.

you could only focus the moment you were sitting back on the bed, kylo changing you into your panties and putting you in one of his hoodies, putting rubbing alcohol and bandaids on your cuts.

"princess."

"hm?"

"will you attend the masquerade ball with me tomorrow?" he wondered and you hummed in response, being tucked into bed by him. you didn't know what that even was, closing your eyes and yawned. "good. it will be at six o'clock."

you nodded and kylo dressed himself, only in his undergarments and sweats, laying down next to you. you were brought into his arms and he kissed the top of your head, falling asleep as well.

you both passed out in each other's embrace.


	33. chapter thirty three.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> as you attend a lovely event, love is shown brighter than an eclipse and ends must be met.

you didn't wake up until three o'clock in the afternoon, snoring and your drool covering the pillow. you sat up and rubbed your eyes, yawning. the window was taped up and there was a big platter of brunch foods next to you on a table.

there was a card with it.

_check the closet for your dress and masquerade eye mask. i will see you tonight. pryde will be picking you up and your friends are attending, as well. they have outfits sent to their rooms too. miss you already, angel. x_

_\- k. r._

you hummed and put the card down, eating the bowl of fruits while staring out the window. you ate the strawberry jam toast and drank the orange juice, feeling refresh. than the deli sandwich, next the salad and the small hamburger. "that was fucking delicious." you said to yourself and chuckled, cleaning your mouth and fingers with the napkin.

the platter had a bottle of painkillers, taking two of them and drank them down with the juice, wanting them to work their magic fast. you stood up and tried to ignore the pain, searching the floor for your own clothes. the minute you found them, you put them back on and folded up kylo's hoodie, putting it away.

you made the bed and put on your slippers, still feeling tired. you went to the closet and grabbed your dress, being covered up by a white zipped bag, the eye mask inside.

you took one more sip of the juice and walked out of kylo's bedroom, forgetting you were in his penthouse suite. you were impressed by it and left, saying goodbye to the two knights of ren, heading to the elevator.

you nearly fell back asleep in the elevator, your head pounding and you needed some cold water. last night was flashing in your mind, becoming a faded vision when the doors chimed and opened, walking straight to your original hotel room.

you knocked on the door and rey opened it, halfway dressed up. "holy shit, you're finally awake and look like a mess! c'mon, it's starting soon!" she dragged you inside and to the bathroom, helping you sit up on the sink counter. rey hung up your dress and gave you water, starting to prepare you for the ball.

you could barley keep your eyes open until rey gave you coffee and an energy drink, two unhealthy caffeine drinks going down into your system at once.

you didn't notice how quickly time had passed when you opened your phone and saw your clock saying _5:57PM._ "shit, hurry!" you yelled and rey finished up your makeup, nodding. your hair was wavy, makeup matching the theme of the ball and were ready to change into your dress.

you got down from the counter and unzipped the white bag, finding a beautiful, long black dress. you checked the brand and it was christian dior, your heart nearly dropping. it was a couture full skirt dress, with thin straps and the eye mask was black laced, very simple. the dress must have cost a fortune.

kylo also paid for rey's outfit, which was a saint laurent black silk satin wide-lapel tuxedo jacket outfit, where there was no shirt underneath and jacket covered her breasts only, buttoned up mostly. she wore basic jewelry, few rings too and black pumps, her hair being slicked back. she wore her signature red lipstick too.

putting on the dress, you felt like a princess. rey had to help you put on your black stilettos, yet didn't want to wear them because of how badly your legs were hurting. the dress was able to cover your feet and you decided to wear your high top converse instead. they matched with the dress. you lastly wore the necklace that kylo stole and chanel earrings.

you took a few more painkillers and grabbed your black clutch wallet with your eye mask, putting in your phone and any other small emergency items. finn and poe came into the room, wearing matching full black tuxedos and were jealous of how rey looked better than them.

everyone was ready by _6:30PM,_ rushing out of the hotel room, to elevator and you had to pick up your dress when running, being grateful you were wearing sneakers. the air of mexico city was warm, yet cold and pryde was waiting outside the limo, getting you in first, due to your long dress. your friends got in behind you, the door closing and pryde started up the engine.

"why are we going to this anyways?" finn asked and you shrugged, staring out the window. "as a nice gesture, since i got caught being here and stalking him down. plus, this is a ball. it's a fun memory for us all." you told them and they nodded in agreement, rey taking out her flask from her own clutch wallet.

"i don't know, dude. i got a little bad feeling about this all." poe said and you chuckled, shaking your head. maybe he was just overthinking it all and he still lacked trust in kylo.

everyone stayed quiet, eyes lighting up when the vehicle had stopped and the door opened right away. their was a beautiful red carpet, cameras flashing and many people entering. everyone put on their eye mask before getting out of the limo, rey holding your hand as you both made your way up the stairs to the huge venue, being the size of three football fields combined. you felt out of place, seeing many wealthy people keep going in.

the music was delicate, passionate and easy for the ball. you couldn't exactly see who was who. rey's hand finally let go of yours, feeling another pair of hands touch your waist. kylo's hands, to be exact.

"you look absolutely gorgeous, princess." kylo said in your ear, turning you around to face him. "thank you, even for the dress. i love it." you replied and he smiled small, nodding. he stuck out his hand, with yours willingly taking it and led you to the main dance floor.

everyone was with their partners, more women wore the eye masks than men did and you were surprised at how good kylo was with the elegant dancing. "i'm very curious as to knowing why you invited me to this ball. am i a distraction, of some sort?" you questioned and kylo chuckled, nodding. "i guess you could say that, doll." he responded and you hummed, dancing together.

"why are we here together, kylo?" you asked and his hand grabbed yours, spinning you princess-wise, your dress flowing and twirling with you. you were dipped in his arms, his face hovering over yours. "revenge and business, personally. i wanted you to tag along because you deserve to be treated like royalty. i'm here for adrianna's father and his men. if she was here with him, i would let you ruin her, as i should say." kylo answered and you were picked back up, looking face to face with him.

the song changed and you recognized the melody, heart racing. it was _turning page_ by sleeping at last, your favorite song to ever listen to.

your hand held kylo's, other one on his shoulder and his free one on your waist. you both got distracted in each other's stare, heart racing and his eyes that were usually so intimidating, hard and scary, had softened. his smirk uncurled into nothing and he was so concentrated on you, even the dancing.

you had become the only person in the room in his sight, and the connection with him felt almost different this time. it felt right. every heart aching memory you shared with him had crumbled into nothing in your mind and from the way he looked at you, a patch of your broken heart, had received healing, even love.

every second he observed your face, his eyes always landed right back into yours and the ice in his heart had dissolved, becoming a beautiful river of hope, coursing through his body and veins. some part of him had healed.

rey, poe and finn saw you two dance together, smiling to themselves. "is that what love looks like?" poe asked and rey slung her arm around his shoulder, nodding. "yeah. not any ordinary love, but true love. i've never seen a human being look at someone like that." rey said and finn raised a brow, curious to know what she exactly meant. "the way they're staring at one another shows they have trust, and that they're each other's world, maybe universe. they're in love."

you didn't even notice your friends looking, too busy falling deeper and deeper in love with kylo ren. the song had finished and the touch of each other's hands had went away, free from the strong embrace.

the perfect moment was ruined when seeing a member of kylo's crew come up to him, whispering in his ear. kylo looked at you, disappointment and anger on his face. "they've arrived." he said and adjusted his blazer, about to take off until you caught his hand to stop him.

"kylo, wait!" you panicked and swallowed away the big lump in your throat, yet tears burned your eyes. kylo stared at you, waiting for you to say anything else. he was patient with you, only hearing you let out shuddering exhales. "i love you."

he smiled and kissed your forehead, nodding. "i know." he said and his hand pulled away from yours so freely, disappearing out of your sight from the large crowd. you turned your head and your best friends were curious to know what had just happened.

you sniffled and lifted up the end of your dress a little to allow yourself to walk over to them without tripping. "adrianna's father and gang is here, but i'm sure she is attended with them too." you told them and they nodded, rey raising a brow.

"you're right, she is. i see both rivalries ready to go at it." rey pointed out and you sighed, not wanting to look at what kylo was gonna do next. "kylo told me if adrianna came, i could handle her. i can't do it alone." you said and rey put down her cup on champagne, her lipstick leaving a stain to the glass.

"i'm sure we can degrade her to the core. maybe even offer her some cash to go away." finn suggested and poe agreed with him, both of them seeing it as a good plan. "but maybe let's keep that on the low, since adrianna is heading this way."

you turned around and prepared yourself, the woman smirking when she was standing right in front of you. "don't know when to give up?" adrianna asked and you chuckled, rolling your eyes. she held her phone out, a sign that she still had the videos ready to go.

"you want to know something, adrianna? though i may be dependent, crazy and labeled as some weak little girl, i wouldn't let someone like you, who i feel such pity for, try to ruin my life just because hers doesn't go the way she wants to and just cause she doesn't get the man she wants. so i suggest if you want to keep your face unbruised and pretty, you simply walk away." you threatened and she stayed silent, nodding. she broke out into a small chuckle, smiling. "rey, if you may do the honors."

you stepped back and rey's fist came into contact with her cheek, getting a fistful of adrianna's hair and dragged her outside. you, poe and finn followed them from behind, ready for the next step to take.

rey punched her pretty hard, few droplets of blood coming out of adrianna's mouth. everyone was finally outside and rey let go of her, smirking to herself in pride. you all circled adrianna, refusing to let her run off.

"now, it's our turn." finn said and adrianna wiped the blood of her mouth. "if you get near kylo ren, we will hurt you and maybe even kill you."

"you'll become nothing the second kylo ren murders your father, and you're not even attractive, babe. the only good thing to you is that you have cash and that's it." poe butted in and rey rubbed her knuckles, thinking to herself.

"i also have your phone." rey said and dropped it to the ground, stepping on it. she broke it into unfixable pieces. "and i've paid someone to wipe our your entire cloud. you have nothing now."

adrianna was scared, looking at all of you and nearly in tears. "here's what's gonna happen, adrianna." you started off, mocking the same words she used on you. "you're the one who is going to leave and never ever look back. if decide to come desperately crawling back to kylo, i will fucking ruin your life and make it a living hell. i'll do whatever it takes to make sure you're never happy again. you got that?"

adrianna nodded and a tear rolled down her cheek. "i have a place in brazil.." she mumbled and you smiled, patting her back. from the corner of your eye, you saw kylo walking out of the venue and to a separate car. he was leaving to somewhere.

"you got this, guys?" you asked, adrianna breaking down into tears and they nodded. "thank you." you ran to the limo of where pryde was, kylo's vehicle already taking off.

you got into the limo and you had a whole bucket of panic pour over you. "follow kylo ren's car, now! go!" you yelled and sat back, pryde stepping on the gas, obeying to you.

you had to end this once and for all.


	34. chapter thirty four.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you follow kylo to the church, and try to put an end to the mafia, only for your plan to completely backfire.

the limo screeched when it stopped, your hand grasping onto the door handle and opening it immediately. you got out the car, picking up your dress from the end and looked at building.

"a church, really?" you mumbled to yourself and walked up the steps, the church being very large. you barely realized what church you were in; basilica of our lady of guadalupe. very worldwide known church and you were sure it's where adrianna's father gang was hidden in.

you stepped inside and the sound of your feet padding echoed throughout it, the inside of being bright, gold, pictures of the jesus and whatnot.

you got in five minutes after kylo did, being slightly lost in the traffic and losing his car in your sight. you didn't know where exactly to go. it was empty, but you heard distant voices and prepared yourself for anything that would come. luckily, you carried pepper spray with you always.

you made a right turn and led yourself to a big room, where communion would be held. the doors were closed and you opened one up a bit, peeking through. you saw kylo exchanging words with adrianna's father, who was the same height as kylo and looked italian. you weren't so sure.

"you killed my men! what makes you think i would willingly shake your hand, ren? especially after your uncle and father took my father down years ago!" the man shouted and you flinched from it, trying to keep yourself quiet. "to be fair, you all deserved it. especially after the horrific acts your family bloodline committed." kylo responded and smirked, his gun in his hand. both sides were ready to go at it any moment.

"you even killed xavier. you shipped his organs to my home, where my wife is!" he freaked out and you couldn't even believe what you were hearing, but remembered this what a mafia really was. revenge, blood, money and enemies.

"again, it was fair." kylo repeated himself and another spoke italian to adrianna's father, yourself slowly picking up on it. you knew three other languages; french, spanish and italian, though your italian was a bit off.

you listened more closely and it sounded like the man said that kylo's mafia had ruined the drug trade going on, taking all of it and disposing the drugs. kylo was ruining the man's empire as they talked more and more. kylo was full of pride and accomplishment.

then you felt a head of a gun to the back of your head, the trigger clicking. your heart stopped and panicked, swallowing thickly.

"get in." the deep voice said and you nodded, pushing the doors wide open. all heads turned at you and kylo eyes went wide, anger taking over him seconds later. "found this girl eavesdropping, sir. what should we do?"

"don't fucking touch her." kylo spat and everyone looked at him, confused on what he meant. he was either still angry at them or you. you weren't so sure. "let go of her."

"no no. don't." you said and didn't bother to look at kylo, eyes on adrianna's father. "just let the scary man put the gun away and we can talk.. okay?" you questioned and he nodded, the gunman getting away from you.

you put your clutch wallet behind your back, quietly and carefully opening it. you had to thank the high school fights you got into to prepare you for this moment.

"what can i do for all this to go away? to end this war? just say it, and i'll do it. but your empire must go unknown and you leave the first order mafia alone forever. name anything." you offered and kylo was in disbelief, not able to even move because he knew weapons would start going at it.

"a friend of mine is looking for a woman, to conceive a child of his. do that and we will agree to your offer." adrianna's father responded and you nodded, smiling small. "come here, pretty lady. let me check you out."

you did so and finally got the pepper spray out of your purse, your hands hiding it and carelessly dropping your purse. you got close to his body and his hands touched you, the energy of anger from kylo radiating throughout the room.

you turned your head and gave him a look that told him to trust you. that you had a plan. you looked back at adrianna's father and touched the pointy tips of your acrylic stiletto nails, testing to see if they were sharp enough.

you observed his face and knew a perfect target. his eyes. your mom always taught you that as a defense move. "i'm glad you took up on my offer. yet, so sad it won't happen." you said and stabbed your thumbs into his eyes perfectly, blood gushing out.

your nails perfectly slipped out and the body of him dropped. "yeah, you might want to start shooting!" you yelled to kylo once red dots were all over you. "don't have to tell me twice." kylo muttered and you ducked, covering your ears as bullets started shooting like crazy.

you rolled and pepper sprayed few guys in the eyes, trying to dodge all of the rapid bullets. for being in a dress, you were able to kick ass. you heard something slide over to you, looking down to find an extra gun of kylo's.

before you could grab it, a man kicked your hand and you yelped, breathing heavily. he reached for the gun and in a blink, the man was tackled by kylo. they fought and you got hold of the gun, panicking even more.

you turned your head to look at kylo and he screamed in pain, a knife coming in contact with his face, your jaw dropping. the man sliced part of kylo's face. you were sure that would leave a scar.

"stop it!" you aimed the gun at the man and pulled the trigger, creating a ringing in your ears. you shot him perfectly in the head and your shaky hands dropped the gun, looking at kylo.

"watch out!" kylo yelled and you did, a bullet perfectly missing you, hitting kylo straight in the shoulder. kylo's people continued to create a bloody river and you ran over to him, putting pressure on his shoulder. "princess, i'm okay. just go. you need to go."

"no no, i'm not leaving you here." you said and he shook his head, hissing from the pain. "you shouldn't be here. why did you come?" he asked and you didn't know how to answer, examining the room around you.

"mr. ren!" one of the knights of ren shouted, rushing to him for aiding. everyone from adrianna's father mafia was dead. it was a mess. a complete horror, bloody mess. "get her out of here, now. get her back to my penthouse suite and keep an eye on her. she doesn't leave until i am better." kylo told his men and they nodded, two of them picking you up.

"no no, put me down! he needs me!" you yelled, kicking and groaned, being tossed over one of their shoulder's. "put me down, please!"

"mr. ren doesn't need a distraction. he needs to be treated." they said and you huffed, giving up on the fight to be put down.

you hoped kylo would be okay.


	35. chapter thirty five.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "it was the only way to protect you."

you were alone in kylo's penthouse for a whole day. twenty four hours had fully passed and the only friend who had waited in mexico city for you was rey. no word on kylo. you begged his people for answers, yet they didn't say anything.

you sat on the couch, legs up to your chest which you hugged and stared emotionless at the fireplace, having repeat flashbacks to what happened at the church. you didn't know what to think.

it was already night and your wandering thoughts summed up together when doors opened, your attention turning towards it. kylo had finally came back. he had a huge scar of the left side of his face, dragging down to his collarbone.

you stood up, adjusting the hoodie of kylo's that you were in and sniffled. "how are you?" you asked, fidgeting with your fingers. he tossed his blazer onto the couch, looking at you. he wasn't happy. he was still angry with you.

"you could have gotten yourself killed." he said and you nodded, looking down in shame. "you put yourself at such a high risk. not only did you risk your own life, but my people's too."

"i'm sorry, kylo. i just wanted to help." you replied and he sighed, thinking to himself. "you should've called me or something. i was worried sick." you got closer to him, looking at him in his eyes yet he tried to avoid it.

"stop worrying about me." kylo mumbled and you shook your head, your hands cupping his cheeks to have him stare directly into your eyes. "i mean it, stop."

"why, kylo? is it that hard to accept or believe someone actually cares about you?" you questioned and he shrugged, pushing your hands away. "what's wrong? there's something you're not telling me."

kylo went into the small kitchen and you followed behind him, crossing your arms over your chest. he poured himself a small cup of scotch, taking a sip. "we can't do this anymore."

"what? what do you mean?" you were certainly more than confused, heart racing and stomach twisting from being so anxious to know what the next words he was going to say. "kylo, i'm not going to leave you."

"you were right when you said we should have kept our relationship only on stage. what we have been doing for the past weeks was unprofessional and became a distraction." he said and the big lump was back in your throat, heart hurting. you felt like you could die from the next heartbreak he was gifting to you.

"was the relationship a distraction or was i the true distraction?" you asked and he went quiet, looking at his cup of strong alcohol. his mouth would only zip up like this if you were right and he was too afraid to answer you. "what was all this to you? i want to know."

"it was all just.. fun. a way to pass time."

"pass time? i put my guard down for you. i showed you my vulnerability and brought you into my world, opening up to you all the time. i even gave you my trust, which is super fucking hard for me to do." you weren't anger or upset. you were sad and wanted to throw yourself off a bridge for being a fucking idiot, again.

"that was your choice. i didn't tell you to do any of that." he responded and you fed up, forcing him to look at you when talking. you pushed away his cup of scotch and smacked him, breathing heavily. he didn't react, taking the pain and his face showed that he deserved it.

kylo massaged the spot where you slapped him, nodding in thought. "i know it was my choice but you made it seem like i could trust you with my whole being!" you started to raise your voice, hands clenching into fists and you were ready to blow up any moment. you took a few steps back, thinking and tears rolling down your cheeks. "you're just a liar. you always lie to me, and yet, i still trusted you."

when the silence filled the room and the tension was still heavy, you could only think of each memory you had with kylo and that's what crushed your heart even more. that in those moment, he could have been possibly faking it all and he was clearly aware of your feelings for him. you didn't want to wrap you brain around it and tried to deny it, thinking maybe what he was saying wasn't true and he's just still angry. you needed to deny it to protect your heart. yet, the only way you could find out if it was all real is if you asked him one important question.

"do you love me?" you asked, remembering he said those three words in the hospital to you and his tongue ran over his lower lip, one more sighing coming out, being deeper and softer than his normal ones.

he took one last sip and you waited patiently, him finally making that eye contact with you. it looked like he had to think about it, almost as if he wasn't sure anymore. this was the final straw to your heart. your heart was too weak and shattered from every male that had broken your heart, yet it was yourself that you had to blame for it all.

you broke down into sobs, sniffling and ran your fingers through your hair in disbelief. "you're breaking my heart, kylo." you muttered and he didn't say anything, watching you cry. "i love you.. please."

he could only watch you cry and didn't make any movement or say a single word. "all i want is your love. please, you don't mean what you are saying right now." it sounded like you were trying to convince yourself instead of kylo. your mind hated the truth. _you hated the truth_.

"i don't love you. when i said i did, i didn't mean it. it was for your only good benefit. i said something that you wanted to hear. i don't love you. you're just another person in my life." he confessed and you knew this wasn't kylo. you didn't want to think it was kylo. he wouldn't say such things like this. "in fact, i hate you. i hate you because you are such a distraction and you ruined everything for me. you started fucking up the moment you came to that gala and moved your way on from there. i don't love you, and never will."

you didn't know how to describe the pain your heart was feeling. it hurt. it hurt so much, and you could barley breathe from how much you were sobbing. "tell me if what you did feel for me was ever real? was this just all a game?" you asked, your voice cracking and sniffled, your vision becoming blurry from the continuous tears that poured.

"it was all never real. it was just a game." he answered and you nodded, finally accepting it. it was the truth pill that was hard to swallow. you could go your separate way from him easily now. you could leave to los angeles without saying goodbye or anything. you both now were out of each other's lives.

"i don't know you anymore." you whispered. you were on the near edge of your breaking point. you just wanted to go home, get the play over with and leave for a new chapter in your life. that's what you needed and wanted. "you've broken my heart again, kylo ren. goodbye." you walked out of his penthouse suite, going straight to rey's hotel room, your sobs being broken and full of sorrow, your heart feeling numb.

kylo watched you get out of his place and few seconds later, leia and luke came in. "is it done?" leia asked and kylo nodded, trying to hold back his own tears.

it was the only way to keep you safe.


	36. chapter thirty six.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rey confronts kylo.

all you did was fuck yourself up. ever since you came back from mexico, you cried, partied, drank or used, and have rebound sex with kyle, who was also a great shoulder to cry on. yet, your friends were worried about you. you had also told rey that you did tell kylo about the movie, which was a complete fucking lie.

when you went to practice, you tried to stay awake and keep yourself together when practicing final lines with kylo. he had acted like nothing happened. like he didn't ruin you as a human being, completely shattering your heart into unfixable pieces and damaged you in many ways. you didn't care about yourself anymore. the stupid play was only twenty four hours away and you were in your room, sobbing again.

you looked back at the memories of you and kylo. the pictures, videos, messages; it all broke your heart again and it felt like a never ending cycle of pain. you never felt such pain before. you had your heart broken so many times, but they didn't hurt as badly as this one. you blamed yourself, no one else.

you thought maybe if you tried to tell yourself that you were alright, you would actually feel that way. feeling okay or alright was an impossible emotion to you now. you didn't know how you could trust or love again. you were never going to get happiness and that's all you ever wished for. maybe it was more like asking that wishing, and it was too much to get. you just thought you and kylo could fix each other, but it seemed like he didn't need you, even from the start. he only needed you for his pleasure. you gave up on the idea of love.

rey was fed up with it and was going to speak to the man himself, confronting him. she waited at the small cafe for him, hearing the doorbell jingles and her eyes darted to the sound, seeing kylo a bit anxious. he noticed rey sitting and joined, being silent.

she took a sip of her tea, nodding. "you are a real piece of shit, you know that, right?" she asked and as usual, he remained quiet. "what you did to her.. i can't believe you, kylo ren. i have never seen her this hurt before. she trusted and loved you, and this is how you repay her? by telling her you hate her?"

"you don't get it, rey."

"enlighten me then." she said and he sighed, shutting himself up. "the last time i saw her cry this much was when her dad went away for the last time, completely abandoning her. he threw her out like garbage. the last time i saw her partying, drinking and getting high nonstop was when she finally cut ties with xavier. she thought you were the one. she always talked to me about you and couldn't believe she found someone just as amazing as you. she was in love with you, and you did this, ren."

what everyone, including you and rey, didn't know was that night when you left and he was finally alone in his room, he destroyed everything in his sight. he cried. he cried so hard and wanted nothing more to take away his life because he knew how badly he hurt you with such words he didn't even mean. kylo didn't hate you. he could never hate you. you were the light in his darkness and now you were gone out of his life, leaving him alone with his scary thoughts and voices that made him want to scream every second. you were like his protecter, without even knowing it yourself.

he cursed at the universe and even punched holes into the walls. he had sleepless nights now, the memory of you sobbing haunting him. you saying _"you're breaking my heart, kylo"_ replayed in his mind for continuous hours. he promised to protect you and value your heart, even keeping you safe from the terrifying side of him. he broke many promises that he couldn't redo or anything.

he lost you, but if losing you was the only way to keep you safe, then he would try to live with it. though it hurt like hell.

kylo thought all that. he couldn't say it.

"kylo, you're going to tell me the truth. because i know very fucking well, all those words you said to her weren't yours. you couldn't say anything like that when you stare at her like she's the only girl in the world to you." rey said and he scooted in closer, examining the cafe to see if anyone was close by to hear him. there was barley anyone.

"after the murdering of adrianna father's gang and himself, everything collapsed quickly. when i was getting treated for my wounds, my mother and uncle came in, asking what had happened. i told them the truth and they were angry. they were angry because she was involved now and a potential target, blaming me for it all. they said if i wanted to continue attending juilliard at the same time as being the new leader, i would have to kick her out of my life. i had no other choice, at all. if i refused, bad consequences would happen. so the night i came back, i said those things. i said those things to save myself but also to keep her safe from the revenge i know that is coming. i don't hate her, rey. i could never hate her. i'm so in love with her. please, you have to believe me.."

rey sighed and nodded, biting the inside of her cheek. "you really do love her?" she asked and he smiled small, the image of you running through his head. "can't imagine a day where i wouldn't." he replied, both of them staring at each other.

"well, i'm glad she told you about the movie and you supported her on it."

kylo raised a brow, tilting his head slightly to the side. "what movie?" he asked and rey's eyes widen, about to choke on her tea and coughed. "i thought she told you." rey said and he shook his head, both of them upset that you lied to them.

"she didn't tell me anything about a movie." he told her and she groaned in frustration, wanting to murder you. she really believed for a second you grew up and had the confidence to tell him you were going away for a while. "rey, what movie?"

"it's in los angeles. she is suppose to leave for it like a week after the play and she thought if she didn't tell you, it'd be easier to depart from you. i had to always remind her to tell you and she told me that she did back in mexico.. that you were happy for her. i guess not, but she's still taking up the movie role. this is her dream." rey explained and kylo didn't know if it was too late to stop you. he didn't want to change your mind because he always saw greatness in you and being a star. yet, he also wanted you to stay. he went meet one more time, thinking to himself. he had decisions of his own to make. he had to figure out what was more important to him.

"i know what i have to do but i don't know if i have the strength to do it, rey." kylo confessed and she placed her hand on top of his, looking at him with genuine eyes. "would you rather spend the rest of your life with her or doing something where you lost her forever and it turns you into a monster? which one is more important to you, ren?" she questioned and something in kylo's mind switched around, like a new persona came into him and took over.

he already knew and didn't need to think about it twice.

"thank you, rey. thank you so much." he said and got up, giving her a quick hug before he practically ran out of the cafe, straight to your place.

he was done hiding. he was done keeping everything to himself. he was honest with himself, and now, he was ready to be honest with you.


	37. chapter thirty seven.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kylo comes running to you and spills his guts, ready to show you who he is and what he feels for you.

you were just finished with kyle, who could never compare to what kylo gave you when it came to sex. it was boring and basic. it made you exhausted easily too and you could even yawn during it. you put on your fresh thing of pajamas, heading kyle out as the same usual.

"so, i'll see you tomorrow after the opening?" kyle asked and you nodded, giving him a small smile. you opened the door, your breath becoming hitch when you saw kylo standing there, about to knock. he noticed kyle, greeting kylo and didn't see anything awkward about the whole thing.

kylo knew he deserved that, since he did break your heart. kyle finally left and you were standing there at the doorway, waiting for kylo to say something. "can i please come in? please." he pleaded desperately and you were ready to cry. you agreed willingly, letting him in and he closed the door behind him.

you led yourself to the kitchen, pouring yourself a cup of vodka. more alcohol. "what could you possibly have to say now? i think you proved your point back in mexico." you said and scoffed, taking a sip. your back was to him and he leaned against the counter, hands in his pocket.

"i need to say something, and please, just listen. all i need from you is to listen." he told you and you turned around, putting your cup down. you swallowed down your anxiety, nodding and sniffled. "i love you."

you scoffed, bitterly chuckling and rolled your eyes. "heard that one before." you mumbled and didn't know how much more of his presence you could take. "but go on."

"the first time, when you told me you loved me in the park, i meant to say it, but i didn't know how to and i would always beat myself up for not saying it back. i built up the courage to finally say it to you in the hospital, and i meant it. i fucking meant it, because i am more than in love with you. if i could find the right words to describe my love for you, i would say them right now. i need you to know this wasn't all a game. no, being with you, getting to know, seeing who you truly were, made me fall in love with you. probably not even fall, but collapse and god, i don't want to get back up." he barley started off and you bit down on your tongue to prevent yourself from crying.

"and at the masquerade, when we were dancing, the whole universe just revolved around us and only us. everyone and everything in that room, just disappeared into nothing and it felt like we were the only two people there. and i don't hate you. i will never, ever hate you. what i said to you in mexico, was all bullshit. it was to protect you from the revenge that would come and i am still in fear for your safety, since you are now a target. they know you are my strength and are willing to take that away. i don't want that to happen. i can't lose you." he was almost in tears, though you were already a river of them, trying to hold back a smile.

"when i first stepped foot into that auditorium and saw you, there was like this possible connection between us. i always believe you were made for me, and only me. i think you are my soulmate, princess. i think of us as the term _dyad_ because we share such a special bond, where we can only understand one another. so, i love you. i love you so much and i want nothing more than to keep you as mine for the rest of my life." he finally finished and you sniffled, wiping away your tears. you could only nod, cry and think, biting your lip.

"what about your whole mafia? what about all that? isn't that important to you?" you asked and he shook his head, getting closer to you. kylo's hands perfectly cupped your cheeks, thumbs stroking them and kissed your forehead. you could hear from his voice and his eyes, that this is what he truly meant. he really did love you.

"you're important to me. forget my family mafia. forget their consequences. forget it all. i want you and only you. you are what i need and i want to continue attending juilliard with you. you are all i need." he responded and you smiled, your teary eyes blocking out your vision. you both stared at each other's lip and than eyes, silence fulfilling the room.

you could only think of the word soulmate. you both were truly made for each other. all the pain, numbness and sadness in you dissolved into the air, leaving you so calmly. you could finally feel again. you and kylo made each other feel something. that something was love. no infatuation or child love. true love that was rare to the universe. everything kylo did was to protect you. you finally understood now. all he ever did was want to protect you and keep you as his.

what you would never know was that you are the universe to kylo. every little to big star or planet, every sun and moon, every new birthed twinkle. you were all of it to him. kylo ren's love for you was indescribable and unexplainable.

"i am so in love with you too, kylo ren. more than you'll ever know." you confessed and he smiled a toothy one, chuckling softly. his smile and chuckle melted your heart into a puddle, smiling back widely. "i love you, and i will always love you. i want you too."

kylo knew he could finally trust you with his heart. he knew you would take care of it. he wiped away the remaining tears on your cheeks and pulled you into a hug, his chin resting on the top of your head. you hugged him back just as tight, never wanting to let go of him ever again. you wanted to stay in this moment and take it all in.

then you remembered; the movie or kylo.

you remembered when rey asked you which one was more important and now you had to choose. the movie was a big deal and you wanted it. it was your chance. you got out of his embrace and stared up into his eyes, sighing. "please tell me rey told you about the movie.." you muttered and kylo nodded, hands on your waist. "i'm sorry i didn't tell you. i didn't really want to, if i'm being honest."

"if you still want to take the role, go ahead. i will support you on whatever you want to do. either way, i will always be with you. i'm not going anywhere and i'm all yours forever." kylo reassured and you kissed his cheek, thanking him. "you're crazy to think if i'm ever going to leave you again. i'll stay with you, forever."

forever meant eternity. every lifetime in every universe. you hoped their was another universe for you two, where you could find your way back to him. maybe that universe would be easier, nicer and better. maybe a galaxy far away. a fresh start.

"you still have time to decide." kylo reminded you and you hummed, knowing what was better for you. you knew what you truly needed in your life. you didn't need time or even a day to know what you needed, or even wanted. you knew the answer. you stared back at kylo, smiling and kissed him. he reacted back and smiled against your lips, lips separating from yours few seconds later.

"i want to stay. i want to stay here with you. i have many more chances in the future for a big role, but i want to stay here with you. i don't want to go anywhere unless you are right by my side." you told him and the corners of his mouth curled into a wider, happier smile. "are you sure, princess?" he questioned and you nodded, holding his hands in yours.

kylo planted a kiss on your lips and sighed in content, pushing a strand of your hair behind your ear. "i have one last final business to take care of. it's to end this all. i promise you, you will see me again." he said and you understood, hugging him before he had to go. "i love you, angel."

"i love you too, ren."


	38. chapter thirty eight.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> its showtime! how will this end?

it was finally opening night. the curtains would open in five minutes and you already heard an impressive large crowd, people talking. you and kylo were excited more than ever, endless smile on both of your faces. mrs. jones was so happy with how everything came out and how much time people put in for their roles. even rey was excited play lady capulet.

you held kylo's hand tightly, heart racing. "hey hey, its okay. you're going to do great. we all got this and i also heard their are way more better agencies here than that single one who offered you that role." kylo reassured and you chuckled, nodding. "plus, we can celebrate with a great big bottle of champagne as we watch the movie itself."

"wow, so romantic you are, kylo ren." you joked and he playfully nudged you, both of you laughing. "okay okay, showtime! show them what you all got and do your best!" mrs. jones announced and you inhaled sharply, letting go of kylo's hand. it was finally time.

when you got onto the stage, every seat was filled up and you were taken away by it. the play ran smoothly and perfectly. the emotion, feelings and tension were all there, even the crowd could feel it in their hearts. you nearly forgot your lines because you were too distracted by kylo's face, wanting to kiss him over and over again. there were laughs, gasps, smiles, everything that ran into the play of romeo and juliet. you almost saw the famous story being alike to you and kylo, in some way. you couldn't exactly describe how, but it was just somewhat similar. everyone played their character so beautifully, you were even impressed by it.

the play ran for hours and you loved every second of it, wanting to do it all over again by the end of it. with the final lines being spoken, curtains closed and you felt so relieved to have it all finished with, laughing softly. you, rey, poe and finn group hugged each other, squealing from the success of the play. you all couldn't be happier. kylo watched and just smiled to himself, being happy that you were happy. that's all he ever wanted for you and you really did deserve to be happy.

everyone positioned themselves again and stood side by side, shoulder to shoulder. the curtains reopened and everyone got up from their seats, cheering. the cheers and clapping were so loud, you could nearly go deaf from them. you chuckled and smiled, kylo's hand finding yours, holding it. everything you have ever wanted had finally happened. things did get better for you. you could say wishes come true.

everyone held hands and bowed, a cheek-hurting smile on your face.

the curtains went back to closing and you could finally get out of the big dress, needing to wear some pair of jeans. everyone went backstage and got out of their costumes, different voices everywhere. kylo was talking to hux, who played benvolio and played his part very good. you finally were able to change into some pants and regular shirt, along with your converse.

"theater sweetheart! kylo!" mrs. jones yelled and you two turned around, slipping away from your conversations. "there are a couple of people who want to talk to you!"

you and kylo smiled with mrs. jones guiding you both off the stage, to the group of adults. "this is them!" jones said and you introduced yourself firstly, shaking hands with everybody. kylo did the same and wrapped an arm around your waist, your body close to his.

"you guys did a wonderful job! i have never seen such amazing acting like that in the years i've been an agent!" one lady said and you chuckled, thanking her for the kind words. "and the way you both kissed felt so real. the connection and true love was there." another man spoke, everyone smiling together.

you were more focused on the people as they talked to you more and kylo eyes examined the auditorium. he squinted to upper left side of it and saw few people there, speaking to each other.

the familiarities. _adrianna father's mafia._ kylo softly pinched you and from that, you knew something was wrong. kylo's expression and mood had changed easily, eyes focused on them leaving the auditorium.

"is there any possible way i can keep in contact with you? we would love to reach out to you individually!" you exclaimed, trying to get the conversation over with already. they nodded and gave you their cards, with the agency name on it too. "i will call you all in a few days, promise!"

you and kylo said your farewells to him, waiting for them to leave the building. he got on the phone, texting someone about something and you just watched him. "kylo, what's wrong?" you asked and frowned, raising a brow.

"they're here. they watched the play and they're here. pryde is on his way to come get us. we're leaving." he said, grabbing your hand and took you backstage, helping you pack up your things.

"leaving? to where! kylo, my friends are here and i have to say goodbye to my grandparents!" you exclaimed, scoffing in disbelief. "my people will explain to rey what happened when getting your things. we just need to lay low and i'm the only way you can stay protected. do you trust me?" he questioned your loyalty and you nodded, not believing that this play was possibly your last one.

kylo checked his phone, putting it back away and one hand held yours, the other carrying your backpack. he led you outside and there waited pryde in a black cab, helping you two get in.

the door slammed shut and you sat next to kylo, heart racing. you were panicking and wanted to cry, only sniffling. "hey hey, this isn't your last time at juilliard. i thought after last night and telling my parents i couldn't do it, they'd at least back off of me. i guess not." kylo told you and you laid your head on his head, breaking down into sobs.

he stroked your hair and letting you cry it all out, feeling bad that he ever let you get involved into any of this. he could only blame himself and just wanted you to be safe. he felt like he had fucked everything up again.

"i love you, so much." he whispered in your ear and kissed the side of your head, wiping away your sad tears. "i love you more.." you mumbled and sat back up, looking outside the window. "where are we going anyways?"

"out of the country. seoul, paris or thailand. i'm not sure yet, but we will figure it out once we are on the plane." he responded and you nodded, resting your head on his shoulder.

you guys were only ten minutes away from the hangar bay where his jet was at, the lights and skyscrapers of new york leaving your sight. all the memories you created here, we suddenly washed away and you didn't know how to feel.

you wanted rey with you, at least. her, poe and finn. they could experience outside of the country with you, just once more. you would miss them. you had kylo and trusted him with your whole being. you just wanted this to be all over. you wanted your normal life back.

kylo held your hand on his lap, thumb stroking the back of it and you both remained silent, your eyes closing. maybe kylo's family would help stop all this. after all, he is their blood and you always believed family meant everything.

then, suddenly, bright lights came into your vision and all you lastly heard was a hard crash to your side, completely blacking out.

a member of the enemy purposely crashed on your side. the car you and kylo were in was completely smashed in, car going off. your body remained on kylo's, cold and weak. too weak and your heart was already stopping.

now, everything was too late.


	39. chapter thirty nine.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> love is not always beautiful. it can strip you of your happiness and soul -- even when it takes away what you love the most.

it had been two months since you died.

you died in the hospital, doctors and nurses trying to do everything they could to save you. but it was impossible. your whole body was crushed and kylo was lucky enough to had barley survived. you practically died in his arms.

your final words were, _"there's good in him. i know.. i know there is.."_ before everything for you went black again and you passed away in the emergency room. your final words were meant for kylo.

kylo was asleep for about a week and rey was in his room, sobbing uncontrollably. rey, poe and finn didn't blame him for this all. they weren't even mad. because they knew you died by someone who loved you more than they ever could.

rey, poe and finn stayed together in the apartment you shared with your best friend, never leaving it even for a second. they never got sun or light. they talked about their memories with you and how much of a loving soul you were. they could talk and talk, but it couldn't bring you back. they were fucking _damaged_ without you.

the world was cold without you. the world was silent and numb. everything was just echos and it was weird to see you not with them anymore. though they were hurting, kylo was a mess.

his whole penthouse was damaged. broken glass everywhere, holes in the wall, clothes scattered, tv smashed to the ground and he was a chaotic, unstable mess without you. you kept him calm and okay. now you were gone, forever. he only got to see you in his dreams and he just wanted to stay with you in them forever.

kylo still didn't know how to process that. he didn't know how to accept the fact you were dead. in a grave, under the soil. he didn't know how to accept it all. he only could sit on the edge of his bed, day after day, staring outside of the window, watching the days pass.

he was angry with himself. angry and upset. he blamed himself, as he always did. he was suppose to keep you safe and alive. he didn't want any of this to happen. it was his fault only. even if no one blamed him, your death was his fault.

at your funeral, he just sat there and sobbed. he never sobbed like that since snoke's, his adoptive father, funeral. he sobbed and rey held his hand, squeezing it the entire time. your grandparents and dad sobbed together.

every family that was there at your funeral were glad kylo was alive and told him that you would want him to be happy, moving on with life.

but how could he? you were his life. you were his everything. he lost everything the moment he got in the car with you.

kylo was sitting in chair, looking at his laptop on his desk and was looking through the memories of you and him. he saved so many and he couldn't believe it. he missed your smile and laughed. he missed the way you would say his name. the way you would hold onto him. he missed you and all of it.

the rain poured and thunder rumbled, lighting striking here and there. even the world was grey and depressed without you in it.

he pushed everyone out of his life. your friends would call him to do a check up, yet he didn't answer. his phone was filled with different notifications. he didn't want to speak to anyone anymore.

he played the video of where you and him were singing _just the way you are,_ laughing loudly together. he should've savored all the memories and just you. he should've cherished it. he would have done all that if he knew he was going to lose you in the end.

he would do anything just to hold you one more time. just tell to you he loves you so much and didn't mean to ever hurt you. you always thought you were the one too late, but kylo was. he should've told you his feelings sooner and done a better job at protecting you.

kylo remembered at the park when he said as long as he was practically around, no one would be able to hurt you. his mind spun around every word he said to you. he couldn't even stop thinking about the first time you two met.

he was being torn apart. so torn apart and everything in his body was empty. he was empty and alone, feeling like the sad little boy he was when he lost snoke.

loving you was a losing game and he couldn't take it all back. he just wanted you back. kylo broke down into more tears, trying to steady his breathing. he didn't know how much more of the pain he could take.

the pain suffocated him and he felt like he had gone mad since the second he lost you. anger, guilt and shame devoured him entirely, frowning him with the memory of headlights coming towards the direction of the car and pleading for you to stay awake. he pleaded, tears in his eyes and saw you disappear in his arms. he had never felt such pain and anguish.

he believed if you two had never met, then you'd be alive and pursuing your dreams. dream he took away because you both had fallen for one another. culpability knifed at his soul more and more everyday, continuing to do so as long as he was alive. certainly, kylo ren did not feel alive. he hadn't felt alive from the second he received the news you had died.

your blood was on his hands, forever. the image of blood on you haunted him and was a curse. the blood coming out of your side, out of your nose and head, your lip busted. you were a physically broken and damaged. he couldn't forgive him, no matter how many times your friends told him it wasn't his fault. they could say it wasn't, but it was.

the pain was unbearable.

he got up and led himself to the bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror. his eyes were baggy and very bloodshot, puffy too. he looked pale, never once getting sun. he had gotten skinner since he didn't eat anymore.

kylo texted rey that he was sorry. he was sorry and it was his fault for your death. that was his last message to her. he opened his bathroom cabinet, eyes staring at different prescriptions.

he took them all out, no caring for what was what. he didn't even bother to read the labels or how many grams a person was suppose to take. it was handful after handful, drinking it all down with water.

he knew what had done and didn't care. he didn't care anymore. he was tired of crying. he was tired of blaming himself. he was fucking done.

the love of story of you and him was like romeo and juliet. after you died, he did too. he wanted to be with you, no matter how much of a tragedy it would be. he loved you, and didn't want to be without you.

kylo laid on his bed, holding the stuffed elephant of yours to his chest and cuddled it. the animal had your scent and he took it in one last time, his eyes slowly closing.

he cried and cried, clutching onto the elephant. he didn't want to throw them up. he didn't want to call for help. he rather just die. he had nothing else to live for.

he heard his phone ringing and ignored it. it was rey calling him over and over again. it always went to voicemail. it was an endless buzz and ringtone.

kylo ren eyes finally shut close, the world around him going into nothing and every noise went silent. his body calmed down and his grip around the stuffed animal loosened.

if any help came, it would be too late. he took too many pills and it would be impossible to save him. no one could save him. it was too late.

if you two were star crossed lovers or true soulmates, you'd both find your way back to each other somehow. the relationship of yours was a special, story-telling romance that only you and him would be able to understand.

kylo was asleep. asleep and eyes snapped open, finding him in a echoey tunnel. heaven or hell? who knew. there was only one light in his sight. he didn't know if he had died, if this was his second chance or a new universe. if it was a new universe, he was going to find his way back to you. he would do better this time.

he ran to the light and everything around him went white then pitch darkness. pitch darkness in his eyes again and he was back into a slumber.

ben solo snored peacefully and the cold wind blew into his small room, his brain being a restart button. all he could remember was your name, a name that he wasn't familiar with or really knew. his brain kept screaming your name and he was confused about it. he did not know who you were. he heard a humming rage and a green light awoken him.

his eyes opened and he grew frightened to see his uncle, with a lightsaber in his hand. he didn't know what to do or what was going on. he panicked and got his saber, clashing it with his uncle's, using his force as a defense. his own uncle had turned against him, trying to murder him. luke skywalker wanted to take away his life.

 _the awakening of commander kylo ren of the first order._ something that was huge and destructive.

it was a second chance. but for what, exactly? 


End file.
